Diary of a Youth Pastor's Wife

I have a dream of a church....

2012-01-29T17:55:00.000-08:00

"I have a dream of a church that is once again called great, even by our skeptics, because our works of mercy can not be denied. I want no part in a movement that is deemed great because we've adopted some exceptional qualities admired by the top.

I don't want to be admired for a great band.

I don't want to be recognized for a great marketing campaign.

I don't want to be praised for great programs.

I don't want to be applauded for great theology and scholarship.

I want the church to be great because we fed hungry momma's and their babies. I'd like to be great because we battled poverty not just with our money but our hands and hearts. I desire greatness that comes from not just seeking mercy but for justice for those caught in a system with trapdoors. I hope to be a part of a great movement of the holy spirit, who injects supernatural wind and fire into His mission. My version of great will come when others are scratching their heads and saying, "wow, you live a really different life." " ~ Jen Hatmaker, Interrupted

"for he who is least among you all- he is the greatest." - Luke 9:48

Love this sermon from a couple of weeks ago... Watch the end when Jake casts a vision for his dream for THE church

http://vimeo.com/m/35480073

Our song to "little miss sunshine": all of me by Matt Hammitt

2012-01-27T21:15:00.000-08:00

Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away
And I'm so close
To what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

I won't let sadness
Steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I'll share with you

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I'll start

Heaven brought you to this moment
It's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you
Even if I bleed
You're worth all of me
You're worth all of me

That's what she said... "All of me"

2012-01-21T13:08:00.000-08:00

The last week, there is a song I have found that has spoken volumes to my fears about fostering again and yet the reality of loving this precious baby "little miss sunshine" as if she were flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. I have played the song continuosly on repeat and wept over what the lyrics mean to me at this present season of our lives. Please take a moment to listen to this powerful song and hear the lyrics before reading on:

Today's version of "that's what she said" is a hodgepodge of quotes and blogs that comes from a couple different sources (a fellow foster mom's blog I follow and a foster mom's memoir I just finished reading reading titled "The Middle Mom"). Both resonate within me so much. Both are as if the orginal authors opened my chest, read my heart, and articulated that which I could not! Hope you are as blessed as I reading these words....

Lessons From "The Middle Mom"

"if not you, who? If not now, when?"

"when people find put that I am a foster parent, they inevitably say 'I could never do that! I'd want to keep every single one. Don't you get attached?' I know they are well meaning but I must admit it kinda drives me crazy. I want to say 'no duh!' but instead comeback with a more gracious statement like this 'yes it is extremely difficult to let a child go that you have loved and cared for, but the lord has shown me that that is EXACTLY the person that needs to be caring for these misplaced children. If I could separate myself from loving and attaching to the child and just feel like I'm babysitting rather than being a real mother, God would have never called me to do this. So maybe YOU are actually the perfect person to be a foster parent!'"

On communities of foster/ adoptive parents:

"we carry each other. We carry each other through the joys, the craziness, the profound sorrow that is foster care. No one understands me like they do because they have lived it. They know me well. They know I take on more than I can handle sometimes, and often, it's not pretty. They know I love to shop for baby clothes. They know I'm passionate about my family, my ministry, and about foster children specifically. Together they form a live boat that has carried me home safely many times. I love them dearly and am so grateful that we are sharing this journey together."

"I feel strongly as believers it is not necessarily our job to fix or change the broken system (DHS, SRS, CPS). It is our job to serve and love the children and the workers within that system to make a difference in their lives because Jesus made a difference in our lives. I guess what I am trying to say is that a broken system is no excuse, no reason, to neglect intervening on a child's behalf; it only makes God's provision for that child so much sweeter."

"this is what I was born to do! It is unbelievable to think that the Lord would choose to use me, someone who is so fallible, inadequate, and unworthy, to care for these children that He holds so dearly.

I have been overwhelmed with love, joy and excitement, and been flung down with grief. I have been amazed at the support of those around me and been astounded at the prejudice that still exists in the world today. I have watched my own children nurture, comfort, fall in love with,and pray for each little child that is "ours" for a time. I have realized my weaknesses and the Lords strength.

I know that there are many sacrifices in foster care that come in various forms. There is lack of sleep, lack of quality family time, lack of intimate time with my husband, lack of time for myself. There are friends functions we can not attend.

And finally there is the unexplainable grief, the deep feeling of loss, the death of a relationship and the worries that accompany the grief. Will this child be safe? Feed? Have clothes to wear? Be loved and protected? Achieve their God given potential? Know that God loves him/her? Come to know Jesus? Will this child ever know how much I love him/her? In the midst of all these questions comes the penetrating truth that God is in control. He is able. He has a plan and is sufficient!"

From http://mamafoster.blogspot.com/2012/01/continuous.html

"I just couldn't do it, I just couldn't give them back."

I hear that VERY often when I tell anyone I am a foster parent.

It is like, by saying that, they are excusing themselves from the feelings that they feel when they find out someone else stepped up and did this sucky foster care thing and they didn't.

Obviously, fostering is not for everyone or right for everyone...

BUT to all you people that say this to me, with out any honest good reason,

(like you have already lost a child, have been there and done it with a relative placement, are having issues with fertility, ect.)

I just have to say...Shut up.

You have no idea who you are talking to, what I have been through or what you are even saying.

Do you think I felt like I could give my first daughter back to her mom without dealing with the grief of it every day for the rest of my life?

I can't do it either. I just do because it is either do it or go to jail basically.

What you don't understand is that I knew the risk and decided that my kids would be worth it. Period.

And they have been. Every single one of them.

What you don't realize is that by me deciding to take care of these kids and love them like my own even though in the end I am the one that looses them I am taking every bit of pain off of them that I can and even then they still go through more than any child should. Ever.

That is what I have to offer them. I keep them safe. I stand up for them (even though I am ignored on a regular basis). I feed them. I play with them. I make them smile. I kiss their boo boos. I put them in their comfy beds. AND IT IS MY HONOR TO DO IT.

And what do you offer? Nothing. You offer an off hand comment that excuses you from any of this, including helping any of them, because you would "love them to much to let them go"? And for the record, that makes us feel like you are saying we are so cold and heartless that we can actually even do this in the first place.

So, "you love them so much" from afar while they end up in crappy foster homes who only do it for the money.

Way to show your love.

If you can't foster, don't.

But, if you are the "We couldn't let them go" people...consider helping someone who HAS put themselves right where you DON'T want to be.

Pay special attention to the kids when you see them.

Babysit for the family.

Offer to pray AND REALLY DO IT!

Bring a meal when the family gets a new placement.

Help with the kids when you see foster mom has her hands full.

I would say for every comment I get like that I also have one person in my life that doesn't foster, but truly loves my kids and blesses me like crazy. I don't think everyone should foster and I don't think ANYONE should foster out of guilt, but quit making excuses for yourself and just do what God called YOU to do...and stop talking to me about why you couldn't possible do what I do...'cuz it makes me want to tell you to "shut up".

Coincidence? No such thing!

2012-01-21T12:57:00.000-08:00

Loves how God orchestrates things that our little minds can't even begin to comprehend!!

Recently I noticed.... On the EXACT day little miss sunshine was born... I wrote in my prayer journal that I felt God calling us back into foster care and that our family wasn't complete (crazy considering we had 5 kids at that time) Coincidence? Nope! God ordained that our home would be reopened and ready to receive her the very day she was removed from the custody of her mom. Can not imagine our lives without her! She bring so much joy and laughter into our lives.

Lesson learned: the next time God calls you to do something that seems "crazy" or "foolish" to the world, pursue it and obey even if it doesn't make logical sense at the time! Or might miss out on one of the biggest blessings of your life!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,neither are your ways my ways,"declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8, 9 NIV)

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us," (Ephesians 3:20 NIV)

Wedding day wonders

2012-01-02T21:04:00.000-08:00

This weekend we attended a beautiful wedding. Being a hopeless romantic, I love weddings. Since I gave birth to my daughter 13 years ago, weddings mean even more. I can't go to a wedding without getting a bit nostalgic thinking about the day I will witness my beautiful baby girl marry the man that I have been praying for since the day she was born.

Blame it on the hormones or the breath taking entrance of the bride but a thought crossed my mind and my heart literally causing it to break. Holding our precious 10 month foster daughter "little miss sunshine" my eyes welled up with big tears as I leaned overed and whispered to my husband "will be there? When this precious baby gets married will be there? Will you be the one walking down the aisle? Will have the privilege of seeing her try on dresses? Will we even be invited?"

Seven months with "little miss sunshine" has flown by so quickly. To date her case is not moving along quickly but still a reunification case. Although I could not love her more if she were grown in my tummy (not my heart) I know one day I may have to say good bye. I might lose one I have grown to love intensely and bonded with in ways that can't be described. I am thankful that I have a heavenly Father who understands on much larger scale what it is like "to lose a child". I pray that if that day comes, God will give me the grace to let her go. I can not count the ways she has made my life so blessed. Our lives are so enriched for having had her in it and for that I am truly grateful and humbled.

My to do list is full of well meaning resolutions. But one I am committed to is ministering to "little miss sunshine's" biological mom. In the not so distant past, I have secretly wished the biological moms of our foster children would fail. But I see the way they interact and it is evident that she genuinely loves baby Z! She is a lost 16 year old foster child herself. She is an innocent victim of the system. She has no blueprint or example of heathy motherhood. Most of their own mothers have been absent, or they would not be in foster care. Even a teenage mom
with the best intentions will often miss the mark and follow in their mother's footsteps. After they lose their children, they feel depressed, defeated, hopeless, helpless, and alone. Many are raised by addict mothers and fathers by name only. So many of these girls need a mother. And I just happen to be a stellar mother (in my own biased opinion but dont ask my teenage chimdren) The Lord is challenging me to love on her. To be the nurturing mother she never had. To be Jesus with skin on to the person who gave birth to one of the biggest blessings on my life.

Please pray for me in the coming months as we wrestle with the possibility of saying good bye to "our daughter" and try to love our way into the heart of a 16 year old hurting "baby momma"

Foster care isn't easy. Nothing about our callings usually are. But I am so thankful for the sojourners (fellow foster moms) God has placed on this journey with us, our church and biological family that love and support us, and our God who empowers us to do that which we thought we could not!!!

2012-01-02T21:03:00.000-08:00

http://www.kfor.com/news/local/kfor-leaders-work-on-dhs-lawsuit-settlement-20120101,0,3701095.story

Wished we lived in a state that better cared for the children in its custody

Wished we lived in a world where the CHURCH didn't leave caring for the fatherless up to the government. "if we get down to the nitty gritty truth, it's not the governments job. The government isn't commissioned, the government isn commanded, the government isn't equipped , and the government isn't empowered by the One who made it all to care for His children. The church is. We are the people that God has instructed to be different and to make a difference."

Lessons from the middle mom:

2011-12-27T15:35:00.000-08:00

Lesson one: Gods work is not easy! He did not promise,when He called me to be a foster mom, that there would be no pain, no grief, no sacrifice.

Lesson two: along with other things, grief is part of the sacrifice I present to Him every time I embrace a baby for the first time. See 1 chronicles 21:24... "But King David said to Ornan, "No, I will buy them from you at a fair price. I won’t offer to the LORD what belongs to you nor offer an entirely burned offering that costs me nothing." (1 Chronicles 21:24 CEB) Foster care costs.

Lesson three: if I did not love each baby/ child, from the minute I touch him/her, as if they are my own, with total abandon, with my whole heart and soul, God would not have called me into this ministry. These children don't need another mother who is detached; they have already experienced loss. They need a mother who will throw open her heart, throw open her arms and embrace them with a love that changes everyone and everything it touches.

Heavenly father let that be me! Grow my heart by giving pieces of it away!

http://www.themiddlemom.com/

"I want YOU!"

2011-12-20T14:50:00.000-08:00

In nursing school, we are taught how to assess a person's pain level on a 0-10 scale. With experience we learn that anyone who is able talk rates their pain a "10" (especially while playing on their smart phone) is lying.

After going back to work yesterday, coming home to man the troops(7 kids) solo since Jake had an elders meeting, unsuccessfully trying to potty train a rambunctious two year old, and being in so much back pain I could scream... I would could have honestly rated my frustration a "10" on a 0 to 10 scale.

Finally a coveted reprieve was within reach... BEDTIME! I wanted to get in, read the book (skipping a few pages, sing the song (skipping a few verses), say the prayer, and get out!!! My big comfy bed and DVR was calling my name and I was ready to answer.

With baby settled, I was ready to tackle (not literally) our new two and a half year old "jewel". But she had other plans. Amidst the one more drink of water, temper tantrums, and my frugal efforts to appease this little lady, I learned a lesson that has been haunting me today.

After thirty minutes and just when my frustration and her crying reached an all time high, completely fluttered, I yelled (I mean calmly said) "WHAT DO YOU WANT JEWEL?!" to which she finally clearly communicated "I want YOU!"

Humbled I slowed down long enough to rock that precious jewel in my arms on the floor (despite my back pain) for a few minutes. And then, with me feeling like the biggest most selfish chump, she climbed in bed and went right to sleep.

Lesson #1: sometimes foster/ adopted communicate their hurt,grief, loss, and confusion with bad behavior. But what they are really crying out for is YOU! It's a mommy or a daddy to love on them and rock them for just a few minutes.

Lesson #2: sometimes we can get really frustrated, instead of throwing an adult tantrum or retreating into isolation, we just need to cry out to God "I want YOU!" Because no matter how old we are we need a loving daddy just as much as an orphaned child does. We need to crawl into his arms and rest!

I love the verse in psalms that commands "be still and know that I am God." Another translation uses "cease striving" in place of "be still". Sometimes God uses little things and or little people to get me to "cease striving" and slow my anxious heart down.

Today several times, when I have felt frustration creeping in, I have whispered and even yelled out to God three little yet powerful words "I want YOU!" And because of that today has been good!

Journey to considering it pure joy...

2011-12-08T12:53:00.001-08:00

Confession: I'm ugly today. I'm having a bad day courtesy of JIA. Since Ashlyn got diagnosed in October, we have our good days and bad. But today is ugly and I can feel myself on a slippery slope towards a pity party hence it's time to write it out (more for my sake than yours because on days like today I need to see through the lens of faith and not my own cloudy with self pity).

As a mom, seeing your children suffer is a helpless feeling. We are "fixers" and want to kiss "boo-boo's" away from the time that they are placed in our arms in the delivery room. The last week has been rough around here. Her wrist is the size of a grapefruit and knees are so swollen she couldn't walk this morning. Last night she slept with me and literally cried in her sleep. Helpless. But this is our new normal. It's amazing that in a matter of months my active 13 year old daughter went from dancing around the house to using a walker to help her maintain mobility. Our new normal involves tough decision making as we "pick our poison" and choose which agrressive medication to try next. Our new normal consists of her asking "what was my SED rate this time" instead of "can I go to the mall with my friends". Our new normal means praying that it's the insurance company everytime the phone rings saying that they have approved the $4000 monthly treatment she needs right now. Today I hate our new normal!!

Over and over, we have tried to instill in Ashlyn that this disease will not DEFINE her (she won't be the girl with JIA or the girl with a walker) but REFINE her. And on pity party days like today I feel like a hypocrite. Even when I tempted to be ugly about this, I know that on the other side of heaven we will be amazed at all the good that came through this and the way God used this for his glory.

As someone who spent over a decade working with teens in youth ministry, I can honestly tell you that there are some world changers in our society's current youth. But I can also tell you that there are some morally bankrupt teens who have bought into our cultures me centered propaganda. When I see the character and perservance that shines through my sweet girl, I am thankful at times that God has allowed this JIA beast into our lives. Not that I have arrived at a place where I welcome suffering into lives with open arms, I think we are on a journey to "considering it pure joy" because through these difficult days God is faithful, faith/ trust/ and complete dependence on Him is built, and we are refined more and more into the image of his Son. Jake and I have committed to raising children that don't merely survive the world but change it. Surviving JIA is not our ultimate goal... But allowing God to use it to change us and change lives is.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4 NIV)

When He Made Her: Update On Ashlyn

2011-10-31T19:18:00.000-07:00

The last several weeks all our time, energy, and focus has been on our precious 13 year old daughter Ashlyn. With you have a big family like ours... usually we feel the constant struggle of making sure each of our 6 children gets individualized and equal, one on one, parent to child time. But our sweet Ashlyn has been fighting an unseen battle and has been consuming our hearts and minds (if not time as well).

About 3 weeks ago, she came down with a high fever, rash, and severe generalized pain. After numerous doctor's appointments, routine tests, and medications (from antibiotics to steroids) nothing seemed to bring any relief. After weeks of feeling miserable, losing over 8 pounds, watching all the 80's movies she could stand with Momma, with a fever of 103.6 and a painful rash covering the majority of her body, we finally hit an all point low last Thursday night and took her to the ER. She was admitted and we have set up camp (literally wallpapering with my little pony coloring pages and "Teen Bop" posters) on the pediatric floor (first at Baptist, now at OU children's). After being inpatient for 7 days, we finally have some answers. She is having an auto immune crisis and has been diagnosed with Systemic Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis (JIA or JRA). Seeing your child in pain is the most helpless feeling in the world. Combine that with my husband's minor outpatient knee scope a few weeks ago, and the fact I am still recovery from a major back surgery that I had less than a month ago, and we have a recipe for a month straight from the gates of Hades. I have had a pity party or two as I crave my "normal" life back but I know that I know that I know that God works ALL things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. And I know that I know that I know that God is ever so faithful to my family, has proved that over and over, and will again.

Once my very favorite verses in difficult seasons is found in Psalm 56:8 "You keep track of all my sorrows.You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." The comforting thing about God is He never misses a tear that falls and never wastes our pain. We have cried tears of fear as we watched her get very sick, very quick, and had very little answers at the time. Yesterday we cried tears of relief as we finally knew what was causing her illness and knew the enemy we were fighting. About this time yesterday I went into the bathroom and cried tears into a hospital towel (and yes He collected those too) to muffle the sound from my daughter. But I'm done trying to be strong for her.... I give up, I'm not strong enough, but we are being renewed and sustained by He who is STRONG ENOUGH for the both of us!! And her strength combined with His is an unstoppable force.

Yesterday she began initial treatment of steroids, anti- inflammatory medications, and a medication called methotrexate (its a chemo drug that has intense side effects like hair loss but Ashlyn's dosage will be so small that her treatment's side effects aren't that extreme). Today we starting a new intense treatment called pulsing steroids (basically increasing her dosage from about 10 mg to about 10,000 mg). Please pray that she tolerates it well and it will be the breakthrough we need to get her feeling better!We are praying that she may be well enough to go home by this weekend and then return to school in about 2 weeks.

But as I am looking at the baby girl in bed the next to me, who I have seen cry out in pain more times than I can count the last several days, I know that she is the toughest of the tough.

As I have been on the verge of tears several times today, God is speaking truth into my soul and reminding me what I already know about this little girl who I adore more than anything I have ever adored in my life. I know that God has numbered the hairs on her beautiful little head and He knows what exactly she is up against

("And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows" ~ Luke 12:7)

God has reminded me today that despite her aching body and our questions about what is going inside of her, HE KNOWS HER INTIMATELY because he created her. Just as Psalm 139 reminds me... "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

I wasn't there when He made her (well technically I was but we won't go into that) but here are some of the things I marvel about the creation of this precious girl in the bed next to me:

1. Her Compassion: This has been evident for as long as I can remember...I daily catch glimpses of her compassion but here are some of the big examples that stand out.

*One day when she was about 3 or 4 years old, I remember walking into the family room where she had been watching TV and her little face blotchy from crying hysterically. When I questioned what was wrong, she pointed to the TV where she had been watching a St. Jude's telethon. Her heart broke for the sick children she saw. She insisted we do something to help and wanted to send some of her toys to "help them feel better". For years later whenever someone asked her what she wanted to be be when she grew up, without any hesitation, the answer was always an adamant "I am going to be a doctor at St. Jude and make all those kids better!"

* After a unexpectedly being forced to say goodbye to a foster sister she loved as her own several years ago, she was heart broken so badly I wasn't sure God would ever bring healing to heart. Jake and I decided that we could not longer foster children and put her compassionate heart through that again. But shortly after the adoption of her Haitian brothers, we insisted that we resume fostering again. She said that they (the foster babies) were worth getting our hearts broken again. As I watch her now playing with our current 8 month old foster baby, in efforts to protect her heart I try to remind her that Baby Z is not ours. She knows in her head that we may likely end up in the same ugly place of goodbye but that is the thing about compassionate people.... we think with our hearts and not heads.

*Another example was when we decided to become full time missionaries to Haiti, it was a family decision (we didn't want to be one of those parents who dragged their children to the mission field). So we presented to them the idea and a realistic picture of what sacrifices this move would bring. We wanted them to pray about and really really consider it before committing. Within minutes, Ashlyn said "I don't need to think to about it. This is what God is calling us to do and people need us there. I'm going with or without you guys!" Our first trip there, my heart swelled with pride as I watched her play with children at the medical clinics where we were working. She quickly became Haitian children's favorite "blanc" on the block. She spent time working triage with me at the clinics and at night, we would debrief about some of the patients we had saw that day. I watched her cry as she realized they spent all day waiting to be seen by a doctor (many of them for the first time in their lives), cry over a newborn baby so dehydrated and malnourished she was on the verge of death, and cry over all she was seeing with her own eyes for the first time. Again all the talk about becoming a doctor to help sick children resurfaced but St. Jude would have to share her time with the children of Haiti.

* Another example was just last month, I had a date day with her and we went to see the movie "The Help". Because we are both "ugly criers" we made it to the van before we both burst out in tears (and literally cried the whole twenty minute ride home). Through her tears she verbalized her frustration over Christians acting not very Christlike (the movie was set in the 60's at the dawn of the civil rights movement in Mississippi, during the weekly bridge club that main character attends with several "christian" friends discussion centers around their belief that all homes should have separate bathroom facilities for the "colored" help). Somehow with the stellar education, Ashlyn has received she was naive to the civil rights movement and things like the KKK. Words seemed to fail me as I tried to explain that dark time in our nations history. So we just cried together. that conversation led to another one in which Ashlyn expressed how she couldn't imagine her life without her Haitian brothers and despite some blatant and some subtle prejudice and criticism we have received, she encouraged me that no matter what anyone though of our decision to adopt and foster, we would never regret our decision. She said "Mom you know how you and daddy are say/ pray that you are raising us kids not to survive the world but change it? Well don't worry, we are!" She also informed me in that conversation that despite the chaos and sacrifice our big family requires that she plans to have 11 kids (3 biological and 8 adopted or fostered). Once again my heart melted at her compassion and desire to change the world (I also kicked up my praying for her future husband/ baby daddy of my future 11 grandchildren).

I have been told that I am a compassionate person but my compassion pales in comparison to hers. I love that when He made her he added extra doses of compassion!!

2. Her Chattiness: When Ashlyn started talking, she went straight from one or two word sentences to entire paragraphs. I have been exhausted since the day she began talking. When she was in preschool, we had a 45 minute commute everyday from Norwich to Wichita... I have a vivid mental picture of her sitting in car seat, kicking her little legs back and forth, and chatting about everything from random questions to "why did those bad guys have to kill Jesus?" Question after question and sentence after sentence all day long, followed by the same phrase "right Momma, right?" Also at that same time, my dad would frequently take her and Drew from Wichita to Denver to visit my sister. Most kids would nap (especially in the boring stretch of western Kansas) but not our Ashlyn. She could chat the entire 12 hour drive.

(Somehow in the car we always have our most in depth and memorable conversations. That is why I love the verse in Deuteronomy that talks about talking about the Lord when you are on the road... "And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.")

If you have spent anytime with her daddy, it doesn't take long to see where the chattiness comes from. His profession is one that requires him to talk (and have a captive audience one day a week). Somehow I see her in a similar profession one day... one in which she is paid to talk to people all day.

Also like her dad, she can be loud and very outspoken about things she is passionate about and the injustices she sees in our world. Even at the tender age of 13, she models Proverbs 31:8-9 better than most adults I know. ("Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.")

Although it can be exhausting for an introvert like myself, I love that when He made her He made her chatty!! Her chattiness is the overflow of a heart that just loves people. God has used her chatty self to bear witness to others around her. She loves talking but she really LOVES TALKING ABOUT JESUS!!

3. Her Love for Children: She is a magnet. Children of all ages are drawn to Ashlyn and she her face literally glows when she is around kids. She can name each and every child/ infant that walks through the doors of CHCC. She eagerly jumps at every opportunity to help out in the children's ministry at church. Every Sunday morning, she wakes up to go to church with her Daddy at an ungodly hour just to help wherever she can even if it's just to help with her foster sister or babysit other children whose parents are on the worship team. She loves to babysit and usually tries to insist on providing it for free (or to raise money to go back to Haiti). I love that when He made her He created her in His image (Mark 10:13-14 and Genesis 1:27)

Although I was not there when He made her, the evidence that she is fearfully and wonderfully made is overwhelming. Compassionate like her Momma, chattiness like her daddy, and an unexplainable magnetic attraction for children like her Jesus. Despite all chronic illness, she is flawless.

My heart melts every time I hear her sweet voice call me "Momma" but I am confident that the very heart of God melts every time she calls Him "Savior God"!!!

After the airport.... That's what she said

2011-10-21T09:14:00.000-07:00

These days I do not have time/energy to shower,let alone blog. Although I hate to post yet another "that's what she said" blog... I couldn't resist. Every single word of this resonates with my adoptive Momma's heart. This is the ugly truth that I have experienced "after the airport" of all three of our adoptions.... But now almost 2 years post adoption from the older boys and 5 years post adoption from Jimso, I can honestly tell you that what used to be daily meltdowns are now few and far between, that love really does cast out fear, and our God is healer! Just like new moms quickly forget their painful labor and delivery process as they hold their precious newborn. Adoptive parents wouldn't trade their transition pains for the precious new addition causing their beyond exhaustion moments. I hope the truth spoken by the hat lady in this post encourages you today wherever you might be... Whether in your bathroom crying smack dab in your own "after the airport" season or walking on sunshine. I pray you are surrounded by a community loving the crap out of you whereever this finds you today!!!

http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/09/06/after-the-airport

"I'm going to tell you something; a little confession, if you will. Some of you will pull your hair out and smear your faces with ashes and put all my books on eBay and quit believing in God, but I'm willing to take that risk:

I'm really, really glad all my kids are back in school.

There. I said it. The three children that I birthed and nursed and raised from scratch, and the two children we begged and cried and screeched for and fetched from Africa...all five of these kids are in school. And I am happy, so happy, happy, happy, happy, hip-hip-hooray Mary Poppins happy.

For my friends and readers who homeschool, I tip my hat and say to you, "Well done, good and faithful servants." And believe me, I have a couple of besties who paddle in that stream, and paddle it well. For some kids in some cities in some families in some districts, this is the very right thing. The end. Why people feel the need to make a fuss about how other parents decide to educate their children is beyond me. Let's live and let live, yall. For the love of Pete.

But I cannot educate my own children, people, unless I am OK with us all becoming homicidal.

Plus, we're in a nice little Bermuda triangle where our kids feed into fabulous schools with vested teachers that make me want to weep with gratitude. The language resources for my Amharic speakers is over the top, and I have a free pass to attend school each and every day, which I have exercised with zero restraint.

But this is not a post about homeschooling or public schooling. The reason I am happy my kids are in school is not because I lack the organization to educate five kids (which I do), it's not because I've chosen a career with a moderate workload (which I have), and it's not because I'm a little sloppy on details and my kids would likely graduate with a sixth-grade education (which they would).

It's because parenting right now is EXHAUSTING and the mental break is keeping me afloat.

On July 22nd we came down the escalator at the Austin airport with Remy. On August 21st we came down the same escalator with Ben. These were two of the happiest days of my life.

I am crying with joy. Remy is ready to sprint like FloJo from the screaming white people.

Insert audio of yelling and cheering. GAH, why was she so clingy?

One month later: Here comes my man and my boy. This pic makes me verclempt.

The 7 Hatmakers on the same continent. You've been warned, America.
After an arduous adoption journey, our kids were safe in our arms, tucked into their bunk beds their dad built with his own two hands, surrounded by the dearest, most sincere community we have ever known. God delivered them from poverty and abandonment back into a family, no longer alone in this big world; now wanted and loved and welcomed with great fervor.

The end.

Not.

Remy gave us about 12 hours of honeymooning until her terror burst onto the scene. Sometimes her fear is so palpable, it literally takes my breath away. New places: terror. New faces: total insecurity. Transitions: help us, Jesus. She has asked us every single day since July 22nd if she is going back to Ethiopia. Every. Single. Day. When I discovered cashews to be a winning legume for her impossible palate, I told her:

"Yay! Good job! Cashews are good for you and will help you grow big and strong!"
"Big? Ah-Rrrremy? Big? Cashews?"
"Yes!"
She pushes them away and starts crying.
Once again, I am bewildered and befuddled.
"No! No Ah-Rrremy grow big! Me big, then go back to Ethiopia! No! Dis is no!"

When a child fears that cashews will once again leave her abandoned on this earth because she will grow out of the age we might still want to parent her, you are dealing with heartbreaking fragility.

Her fear comes out as 1.) defiance, 2.) terror, and 3.) catatonic disassociation, in that order. We've been spit on, kicked, disobeyed, refused, clung to, begged for, adored, ignored, and rejected. Triggers are unpredictable. Yesterday, we entered an hour-long Armageddon because she wouldn't put her bike up. This turned into defiance and disrespect, deal breakers as we establish safe boundaries. When at long last her angry, dark face relented, and she finally uttered in the smallest voice: "I'm sorry, Mommy. I'm sorry, Daddy," the damn broke and she cried for thirty minutes, telling us over and over that we don't love her and she is going back to Africa.

Meanwhile, Ben sidled up quietly next to me as Brandon held Remy's flailing legs, and asked in a whisper: "Mom? Forever?"

Is this family forever, even with this hysterical girl? Are you forever, even though she is draining the lifeblood out of you and Dad? Am I forever, once my junk starts coming out that I'm holding in? Are you forever for her? For me? Should I be worried that you'll only put up with this level of chaos for so long?

God love them.

We are parenting damaged, traumatized children; don't let the pictures fool you. We're in the weeds. Every minute is on; there is no off. We've arrived late, cancelled altogether, hunkered down in therapy mode, missed appointments, failed to answer hundreds of emails in a timely manner, left voicemails unlistened to, texts unread, we've restructured, regrouped, replanned, reorganized, we've punted and called audibles, we've left the bigs on their own, hoping they are functioning well on auto-pilot after a lifetime of healthy stability, and sometimes, we put "Tangled" on for the eleventh time and cry in the bathroom.

We are exhausted beyond measure.

I know what you're thinking: You asked for this. Yes we did. And we'd ask for it again, with full disclosure and foreknowledge. We would. We would say yes to adoption, to Ben, to Remy. We would do it all over again. We might do it all over again in the future.

That does not mean we are not exhausted.

I know what else you might be thinking: Are you trying to scare people away from adoption? Because this is pretty good propaganda for turning a blind eye to this mess. No I'm not. While adoption is clearly not the answer for the 170 million orphans on earth, it is one answer, and I'll go to the grave begging more people to open their homes and minds and hearts to abandoned children who are praying for a Mom and Dad and a God who might still see them.

But Brandon and I decided some time ago to go at this honestly, with truthful words and actual experiences that might encourage the weary heart or battle some of the fluffy, damaging semi-truths about adopting. Because let me tell you something: If you are intrigued by the idea of adoption, with the crescendoing storyine and happy airport pictures and the sigh-inducing family portrait with the different skin colors and the feely-feel good parts of the narrative, please find another way to see God's kingdom come.

You cannot just be into adoption to adopt; you have to be into parenting.

And it is hard, hard, intentional, laborious work. Children who have been abused, abandoned, neglected, given away, given up, and left alone are shaken so deeply, so intrinsically, they absolutely require parents who are willing to wholly invest in their healing; through the screaming, the fits, the anger, the shame, the entitlement, the bed-wetting, the spitting, the rejection, the bone-chilling fear. Parents who are willing to become the safe place, the Forever these children hope for but are too terrified to believe in just yet.

But "yet" is a powerful word in the context of faith, if we are indeed to believe in the unseen and hope for what has not materialized.

I followed a God into this story who heals and redeems, who restores wasted years and mends broken places. This God specializes in the Destroyed. I've seen it. I've been a part of it. I have His ancient Word that tells of it. I love a Jesus who made reconciliation his whole mission. My children will not remain broken. They are loved by too good a Savior. I will not remain exhausted and spent. I am loved by too merciful a Father.

So today, I'm writing for you who are somewhere "after the airport." The big moment is over and you are living in the aftermath when the collective grief or euphoria has passed. You lost a parent, a sibling, a friend, a child. The experience mobilized every single human being who loves you, and they rallied, gathered, carried you. And now it's three months later on a random Tuesday, and the sting has worn off for everyone else, and you are left in your sorrow.

I'm writing for those of you who had the oh-so-wanted baby after the cheers and showers and Facebook fervor, and now you're struggling with a depression so dark and deep, you are afraid to say it out loud. To you who moved across the country in obedience - you left your family, church, community, your jobs - and now the headline has passed and you are lonely and unanchored. For my friends who've brought their adopted children home and the media frenzy has died down, and you are holding a screaming toddler, a fragile kindergartener, an angry teen, trying to catch your breath and make it through the day without bawling while everyone else has gone back to their regularly scheduled programs...I'm with you today.

More importantly, God is with you today. He remains in the chaos long after it has lost its shine. When the delivered meals have stopped and the attention has waned, Jesus remains. He sticks with us long after it is convenient or interesting. If you feel alone today in your new normal, would you please receive this bit of beauty: this simple Scripture recited billions of times throughout the ages, perhaps without the poetry of David or precision of Paul, but with enough truth to sustain the weariest traveler:

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deut. 31:6).

He will never leave.

Never forsake.

Never.

For my readers who love someone living "after the airport," the big moment - be it a blessed high or a devastating low - is never the completion. The grief and struggle, the work and effort, the healing and restoring comes later. Will you call your friend who lost her mom to cancer five months ago? Will you check in on your friends who adopted this spring? Email your neighbor who took a big risk and moved or changed jobs or quit to stay home. For the love of Moses, do you have a friend who stepped out and started a church last year? Bring him a lasagna and do not be alarmed if he sobs into his french bread.

Trust me when I tell you that although we are all having hilarious moments like this:

And precious moments like this:

...we are still in the thick of hard, exhausting work, so if you ask me if these are the happiest days of my life (which a ton of you have), and my eyes kind of glaze over and I say through a tight-lipped smile like a robot, "Yes. Sure. Of course. This is my dream life"...I am lying. I am lying so you won't feel uncomfortable when I tell you, "Actually, I haven't had a shower in three days, I lost my temper with my uncontrollable daughter this morning and had to walk outside, I'm constantly cleaning up pee because uncircumcised tee-tee goes sideways onto walls, and sometimes when my two littles are asleep and we're downstairs with the original three kids who are so stable and healthy and easy, it creates a nostalgia so intense, I think I might perish. But enough about me. How are you?"

But that would be weird. So I say, "Yes. I am so happy."

If you are living "after the airport," how I wish I could transplant my community into your life; friends who have loved us so completely and exhaustively, I could weep just thinking about it. Maybe one of the most brilliant ways God "never leaves us" and "never forsakes us" is through the love of each other. Maybe He knew that receiving love from people with skin on is the most excellent way, so He gave us an entire set of Scriptures founded upon community and sacrificial love for one another. I guess He realized that if we obeyed, if we became more like His Son, then no one would ever want for mercy when their chips were down. No one. Good plan.

Oh let us be a community who loves each other well. Because someone is always struggling through the "after the airport" phase, when the chords of human kindness become a lifeline of salvation. Let us watch for the struggling members of our tribe, faking it through sarcasm or self-deprecation or a cheerfully false report. May we refuse to let someone get swallowed up in isolation, drowning in grief or difficulties that seem too heavy to let anyone else carry. Let's live this big, beautiful Life together, rescuing each other from the brink and exposing the unending compassion of our Jesus who called us to this high level of community; past the romantic beginnings, through the messy and mundane middles, and all the way to the depths.

Superwoman or Sabbath?!?!

2011-09-03T21:00:00.000-07:00

It seems like over the last year or so I keep catch myself saying "things are finally gonna slow down when ....." only that "when" never seems to happen. Each new season seems to hold another challenge, another completely full calendar, and another worn out feeling day after day.

This week in the ladies bible study I'm leading, we looked at the worn out and weariness that most women find themselves in. Lots of things can contribute to our perpetual sense of exhaustion. Things like not say "no" so that we can say "yes" to what matters most, poor eating/ sleeping, unbalanced priorities, anxiety/ worry, grief, unconfessed sin, etc... Sometimes we are our own worst enemies with our "to do lists", multitasking, need to people please and high expectations of ourselves. I even find myself feeling guilty for taking a moment to rest with a good book or mindless TV.

"Jesus himself did nor heal every person who was sick or minister to everyone He saw. Jesus only did what His father told him to do. Jesus didn't do everything and I can't do everything even if I give it my best shot. Even our divine Jesus, when He poured Himself into the confines and restrictions of our humanity, needed rest. Human beings require rest."

This week I've examined my life and found that the current pace I'm living is unsustainable and unbiblical. Instead of adding more items to my unending "to do list" I need to add items to my "to don't list". I also need to be faithful on keeping a Sabbath day (every week, not just when I get around to it every few months.) today I accomplished absolutely nothing (other than rest and time with my family). Today I needed a break from the human RACE... Or for it to at least slow down enough for the pieces to fall into place. Today I realized that maybe the human race shouldn't be a race at all.

"On the Sabbath-
we are reminded that
we are not human doings,
but human beings."

Need some promises of strength and refreshment??? Spend some time reading Isaiah 40:28-31, Matthew 11:28, Hebrews 4:9-10, 1 Corinthians 11:1, Mark 6:31, Acts 3:19, Jeremiah 6:16. And then take a nap!

Dear Drew, Ashlyn, Jedone, Jackson, Jimso, and any future Lenhart children

2011-07-16T07:13:00.000-07:00

(adapted from http://itsalmostnaptime.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-dont-want-my-children-to-be-happy.html)

Recently we were told by people whom we love and respect why they think we should reconsider our plans to continue fostering at this time. It's something we've prayed about, discussed as a family, and sought the lord's will over for the last several months. Six kids in one household is never what we imagined or planned but God has a way of wrecking OUR plans and asking us to do what we swore we would never do. But his plans are always better. And somehow He gives us the ability and the passion to do that which we thought we could not.

Confession time: I remember being pregnant with Ashlyn wondering how I was ever going to love another baby as much as I loved our little Drewbie.... But the human heart surrendered to Gods will can grow in unimaginable ways. Then before adopting I doubted I could love another woman's child the way I loved my own. But one look at Jimso (and Jedone and Jackson) and my heart grew bigger than the grinch's on Christmas morning. As that to say beyond physical room in our house, I am confident there is room in our hearts for another fatherless baby.

And we come to the conclusion that the sweet girl sleeping in the room next to me right now is worth it. She and any other child God might bring into our crazy family is worth getting our hearts broken over again. She is worth being exhausted. She is worth sacrificing a lot of things we have asked you to sacrifice because God is using us to rewrite her story for His glory.

And guess what else?! We love you to the moon and back but don't give a rip about making you "happy"

That's right.... Your smiles and giggles still make our hearts melt but your happiness is not our goal.

"Maybe you'll resent us. I really hope not. But maybe I should tell y'all now why your dad and I have decided to keep doing what we are doing.

I know you're going to think I am going off topic (I do that a lot) but several years I saw a story on a TV show about how the latest trend was for parents to give their daughters boob jobs for high school graduation (I don't know what they gave their sons.) When interviewing one of the moms, she said, "I just want my daughter to be happy." And as I tossed a throw pillow at the television, this really huge thought occurred to me: I don't want my children to be happy.

My goal as your mom is not your happiness, In fact, I spend at least half my day making you unhappy. If I had a nickle for every tear that falls in this home on a daily basis, we wouldn't need to worry about college tuition at all.

Happiness is fleeting, sweet babies. That means it doesn't last. It's a quick feeling that comes from a funny movie or a heart shaped lollipop or a really good birthday present. It's great. I love to be happy. But happiness is a reaction that is based on our surroundings. And our surroundings are so very rarely under our control. Even when - especially when - we think they are.

So no, I absolutely don't want you to spend your life chasing something that has so little to do with your own abilities. You'll just be constantly frustrated.

There are two things I desire for you, precious loves. There are two things that I spend most of my time as a mother trying cultivate in you. Happiness ain't one of them. (This means, sorry, no boob jobs for Ashlyn)

The first is, I want you to be content.

Being content is so much different from being happy. Being content is not based on your surroundings. Being content comes from within. Contentment is a spirit of gratitude. It's the choice you make to either be thankful for the things you do have, or to whine about the things you don't have.

Being content and grateful leads to consistent joy.

As you know, because I've told you lots of times, Paul talked about being content. Paul said that he had "learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." And Paul was in some rotten situations, kiddos, really rotten.

How could Paul be content whether he was in prison or if his life was literally a shipwreck? Because Paul was constantly seeking to be in the will of God instead of his own, was constantly sacrificing his own comfort for the sake of the gospel, and was constantly being confirmed, strengthened, and blessed by God because of his obedience. He was given a supernatural power - that means something kind of like magic, God magic - to do things that most other humans could not do. And guess what? The bible tells us (in Ephesians 1) that God will give you the exact same power! If you want it!

Which leads me to my second desire for y'all.

I don't want you to be happy. I want you to be holy. That means, I want you to seek that God-power to make you content. I want you to want the Kingdom of God more than your own kingdom. And that's hard, babies, that is so hard. And that usually means passing up a lot of what the world considers happiness. But it means that you will achieve blessings directly from God that most of the world never dreams of because they are too occupied with the achieving the perfect birthday present!

This means you may be poor, 'in want' as Paul said, and that's okay. It will never, ever be okay with the world for you to be poor. So you'll be up against the world. But not your dad and me, loves, because it was never our goal for you to be wealthy - at least not in the way that the world considers wealthy.

Darlings, we love you so much. You will never even grasp how much we love you until you have children of your own, and then you'll get it, and then you'll apologize for the ways you treated us ;) But our goal is not to please you. Our goal is to please our Heavenly Father. And nowhere in the bible does the Lord command us to make our children happy.

But the Lord does command us to care for the orphan around fifty times. He does tell us to care for the poor around 300 times. He does tell us that when we care for the neediest, we are caring for Jesus Himself. And in chapter six of the book of Matthew, He tells us to seek His kingdom first, and let Him worry about the rest, like college tuition. Because it's all His anyway.

But I know your hearts, and I have already seen you weep for the least of these. I know the prayers I offer up to God that He and not the world would shape the desires of your hearts. I am trusting Him to answer those prayers."

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

That's what she said,,,

2011-06-21T17:18:00.000-07:00

Came across this blog post that articulated some things on this adoptive Momma's heart so well I had to share.... Plus right now with a new career, a new foster care placement and a very fruitful but time consuming season in our church growth, blogging is the LAST thing on my to do list. Enjoy this version of THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID

"What I want you to know is that adoption is not beautiful. Not beautiful in the traditional sense anyway. There’s no innocence or purity it in.

My husband and I have two adopted children, a biological brother and sister, ages 6 and 3. They were adopted last year, and before they came into our care, they were living in a foster home.

My children are beautiful and my husband and I love them. We would never take back the decision that we made about them. But, ideally, our children would never know us. Parents would never go to jail for retail fraud, get addicted to drugs, or fail to make it through rehab. Police would never come to take children away from their parents. Babies would not be born with a drug addiction.

But, all these things do happen. And, that means that our children are no longer naive. It means that our family was conceived thanks to sadness and pain.

The process of adoption itself is not flawless, but I believe our family can become something beautiful in my own definition. We can struggle together and grow together. Because I believe that beauty can also happen after we’ve gone through the fire and come out stronger on the other side. That is what I want for family. That is what I want you to know."

Shannon blogs at www.oneinchofgrace.wordpress.com.

Beyond adoption...

2011-05-17T09:59:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been struggling with some things that seem to have consumed my heart. While I rejoice with some of the completed adoptions I've been a part of lately... I have wondered if all that could of have been to keep the family together was?? After reading through my own adoption paperwork, I continue to wrestle with the fact that the boys biological mom could not sign her own name.

While being an advocate for orphans has been for me adopting and providing orphan/ foster care ..... Lately I've felt there is more than just that. Real advocates are eventually led to prevention.

I came across this blog that articulates some of what has been on my heart but couldn't describe in words. Please read and open your heart to some of the ideas presented.

"There are two sides to the orphan crisis: finding families for children without, and preserving families that are intact. Prevention is the side that is not addressed by adoption. If we profess to care about orphans, then we must care about the circumstances that lead children to be orphaned. If we care about adoption, then we must care about seeing less children enter orphanages to begin with.

It is not as easy to care about the pregnant teen or the struggling mom. But it might be the starting place in this whole scenario.

(And if we care about orphans, then we must care about the children in foster care in our own country.)

I am so glad to see adoptive parents championing these issues. But this should not be a cause left to adoptive parents. As a society, we should all care. A child without a family is the most disgusting form of poverty."

For the entire article and to see ideas on how you can help at risk children... Go to

http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/

Mother's day thoughts... legacy of an adopted child

2011-05-08T15:52:00.000-07:00

Today my heart is burdened for a woman I love and who has made my life so blessed. Her name is Solange, she is the biological mom of Jimso and Jedone. Her name in French means "angel of the sun" which is very fitting because she has brought so much sunshine into my life! Happy mother's day Solange!!! (Jackson's biological is deceased and has been since he was an infant, although I never met her, she has an indescrible place in my heart as well)

"Legacy of An Adopted Child"Author Unknown

Once there were two women,

Who barely knew each other.

One is in your heart forever,

The other you’ll call mother.

Two different lives,

Shaped to make yours one.

One became your guiding star,

The other became your sun.

The first gave you life,

And the second taught you how to live it.

The first gave you a need for love,

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,

The other gave you a name.

One gave you the seed of talent,

The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile,

The other dried your tears.

One gave you a family,

It was what God intended for her to do.

The other prayed for a child,

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me

Through your tears,

The age old question through the years.

Heredity or environment…

Which are you a product of?

Neither, my darling… neither,

Just two different kinds of love.

ROYAL WEDDING- my love hate relationship with Cinderella stories

2011-04-28T16:39:00.000-07:00

As an avid KU basketball fan and more of a girly girl than I would like to admit...I have a love hate relationship with Cinderella stories.

In March, I hate the Cinderella stories that interfere with our hopes and dreams of a national title. This year I found out Cinderella comes from Virginia. Last year, she stomped the jayhawks "happily ever after" in an UNI uniform instead of the traditional ball gown. Hence the hate part of my relationship with Cinderella.

As a little girl, I couldn't get enough of Cinderella and all the fairy tales that ended in a charming prince rescuing the overlooked or forgotten fair maiden. After watching more Disney movies than I can count, I dreamed of the day when my prince would come riding in on a white horse to save me. Then and only then would I finally feel "complete" and life would just fall in a place of sheer perfection. We would wed in a wedding that would be magically perfect and 2.5 children later we would live happily ever after. Hence the love part of my relationship with Cinderella.

Needless to say, life has dashed my idea of what "happily ever after" really looks like. Unlike the fantasy world of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, or Rapunzel, reality has hit me like a ton of bricks.

Marriage with my "prince" takes a lot of work, sacrifice, and compromise. Although I can honestly say that after 15 years of marriage I am still madly in love with him.... He does not "complete" me. He is not perfect (just perfect for me, imperfections and all). He is still the man I love but some days it's hard to "like" each other.

Living in the not-so-fairy tale world of 5 kids, full time jobs, carpools, full time ministry, and pure exhaustion the goal of "happily ever after" has been replaced with just trying to survive.

The media has been bombarding us with all the hype of the royal wedding glitz that will come to a head tomorrow morning. But who can blame them? That is what sells. As much as we can claim to hate it... I think deep down every woman still longs for the Cinderella story that has a fairy tale ending. (I'm the first to admit it bothers me that instead of focusing on all the unrest in the middle east, the war in Iraq/ Afghanistan, or even the weather related devastation here in the south... our media would rather report on the royal wedding happenings or the presidents birth certificate). But the pain of reality doesn't give us the warm fuzzies that a love story of a commoner (fair maiden) and her prince can.

I am bothered yes... but do I plan on waking up early to see the blessed event, yes. So why the obsession with the media? Why waste my time watching the wedding with the masses???

Because fairy tales and the hope of a happily ever after ARE REAL. This woman's heart has been transformed by the love of a prince!!! I am recognized, known and even extravagantly loved by the King. And He has promised me a kingdom that holds more "happily ever afters" than I could imagine. I trust this king with EVERY aspect of my future. And while fairy tales in this present kingdom is not reality... He has promised one hell of a "happily ever after" to come!!!

"Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,”for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life." ~ Revelation 21:1-6

"Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention: Forget your people and your father’s house. Let the king be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." ~ Psalm 45:10,11

She did not know... International Woman's Day

2011-03-08T15:42:00.000-08:00

Five little words have haunted me the last several days and kept me up at night ... "she did not know how". Five words that describe a woman I love a world away from me. This woman shares a lot in common with me yet could not be more different than me at the same time. She shares a love for two precious boys in my life (Jimso and Jedone)yet life has not been as kind to her as it has to me. We have different colors of skin, different cultures, different life experiences and live in two very different worlds. Yet today on international woman's day, she is all I can think about.

On Saturday night I couldn't sleep. I started thumbing through some of our tax documents. We had to get all of our adoption paperwork translated in order to submit it to the IRS. I was sorting through a sack of documents that I have held 100 times before but those 5 little words stood out BOLD in the midst of a bunch of legal jargon. On several official court documents it read "SHE DID NOT KNOW HOW to sign her name so her thumb print was submitted in lieu of her signature."

I've filed in the blanks in my mind on many occasions trying to wrap my mind around what led to Jimso and Jedone's abandonment and their mother's choice to terminate her rights and sign over custody to the orphanage and ultimately to us when we began pursuing the adoptions. I know that no mother could have came to this decision lightly and it must have been heart wrenching to admit that she couldn't provide what they needed. I have came to terms with the fact that SHE COULD NOT be the mother they needed but until now had never considered the possibility that "SHE DID NOT KNOW HOW."

And it is just not something that happens "over there", it happens right here too. When we did foster care, I saw first hand this vicious cycle of foster kids who grew up in the system repeating the mistakes their parents had which in turn led to their children and their grandchildren growing up in the system. Unless someone was successful at intervening, they did not know how to be a healthy mother.

I have previously blogged about my experience at my first Haitian wedding and the way my stomach turned upside down when I realized that the bride could not sign the marriage certificate. The picture of illiteracy in Haiti was burned on my heart as I watched the Pastor sign the bride's name for her because she could not. My heart physically ached for the bride because of what may have been the best day of her life, she was reminded of the reality that she could not read or write. I then watched the mother of bride require assistance signing her name as well and the portrait of cultural and generational illiteracy was etched onto my heart.

As an avid reader and writer, if I woke up tomorrow morning and somehow lost my ability my read and write, that would be near torture for me. Yet 55% of Haitian (more than half) can not read or write. According to UNICEF, more than half of the nation's children fail to reach the fifth grade, and only one in five young people reach secondary school. As a bachelors degree prepared nurse (who is currently enrolled in a masters program), I am humbled when I think about how easy my education was to access (THANKS DAD!). And as I try to wrap my mind around how different my life and the boy's biological mom's life must be, I can't help but to wonder why I have been so blessed? She will never know the joy of reading God's precious words to her. She will never experience how awesome it feels to curl up with a good book on a rainy day nor the excitement of passing a difficult exam or acing a college thesis. Yet because I was born where I was born, I have somehow been given the privileged of knowing how to do so many things we take for granted. As I have served women in poverty, I have thought to myself a million times " there but for the grace of God go I"
(meaning I might have suffered a similar fate, but for God's mercy.)

Most of you know that I can get pretty fired up when it comes to certain social justice issues. To say that I am passionate would be an understatement and I have stuck my foot in my mouth more times than I can count but I'm gonna go out on a limb and make an assumption.... I think that many of the social issues we face (the orphan crisis, the AIDS epidemic, extreme poverty,human sex trafficking etc...) could be greatly reduced, remedied, or completely eliminated if we make education more readily available to girls growing up in developing nations.

"How many Rosa Parks or Marie Curies have we lost to poverty? How many Maya Angelous or Sandra Day O'Connors never had a chance to learn? How many Mother Teresas have lost hope due to neglect and abuse?"

Please spend a few moments of your time watching this powerful video....

the thank you cards staring back at me...

2011-03-06T14:10:00.000-08:00

The last few months the "thank you" cards on my desk have been staring back at me. In fact one might even say that they are glaring at me! The cards along with a growing list of names are a constant reminder of my failure to do something that has been on my heart for months but yet remains on my to do list week after week. Let me explain....

It had been a challenging year for our family so far. Having a 360 spinal fusion of the majority of my back in busiest month of the year, challenges of the continued transition of newly adopted children into our home, financial burdens from taking an extended medical leave of absence at my work, and daily life with a busy family of seven were just some of the stressors we experienced. Yet through it all, we have gotten by with a little help from our friends. Some friends have brought meals over and watched our children while I recovered from surgery, some have helped us make ends meet at the end of the month, wrapped Christmas gifts for us during the holiday season, and most importantly prayed for us during this season of our life. All of this reminds me of one of my favorite stories in the life of Moses...

"When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up - one on one side, one on the other - so that his hands remained steady till sunset."~ Exodus 17:12 (NIV)

I love how this story illustrates how Moses, just like us, needed support. While Joshua and the Israelite soldiers battled the Amalekites, God asked Moses to hold up his staff, representing God's power, throughout the battle. As long as Moses kept the staff raised, the Israelites experienced victory. It was a long battle, however, and Moses dropped his arms in fatigue. Then the Israelites began losing the battle. That's when Moses needed help and encouragement from his friends,

As I try heal from surgery, I can't tell you how many days I have felt like just having the strength to get out off bed was a battle, yet I am so blessed to have AMAZING friends. I have battled with depression and self doubt as I find myself in a slow dry season with lots of questions and not a lot of answers. Yet the encouragement of faithful friends have meant the world to us.

"The Israelites ultimately were victorious, and a key to their victory was Moses' obedience to God as he held up the staff. But he couldn't have done what God asked him to do without the help of Aaron and Hur.

In the same way over the past couple of years I've needed my friends to hold me up, so I can be the wife, mother and woman God has called me to be. Friends have listened, prayed and helped me with practical matters of everyday life. Their support has given me courage to press on, to remain hopeful, and to find strength in them and the Lord.

Just like Aaron and Hur did for Moses, my friends have held up my hands and lifted my heart so I can be obedient to God's call on my life. We all need the help of faithful friends" (Melanie Chitwood)

So this blogpost is dedicated to those friends fighting the battle alongside us and helping us to be victorious. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!

CHOOSE TO SEE

2011-01-11T12:11:00.000-08:00

On some days it feels the earthquake that changed our lives forever was years and years ago. On other days it feels like just yesterday. Regardless of how long it feels like…. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the day my families life (and everyone connected to Haiti) was shaken to its very core.

As part of the community based nursing course I teach my nursing students, there is a section in the course on disaster nursing. I know foreword and backward the different phases of grief and shock victims and in-direct victims go through during a natural disaster but when you and those you love personally experience this kind of trauma, its nothing like the textbook or any class could prepare you for.

Last January was the most difficult and the most beautiful season of my 32 years of life. Difficult because although I knew human suffering like this existed, I was forced to see it through the eyes of children and people I love. Beautiful because in the midst of all that suffering I saw God move in so many beautiful ways I can not even count them all.

Rather than bore you with our story… here is a link if you do not already how the earthquake changed life for our family and 12 orphan children.

http://diaryofayouthpastorswife.blogspot.com/2010_02_01_archive.html

I know that tomorrow I will spend most of the day glued to the TV watching the one year anniversary coverage and reliving the events of those days. But in the midst of all the suffering I will see and have seen, I WILL CHOOSE TO SEE beauty! Rebuilding Haiti has proven to be a marathon not a sprint. But some of our dear friends tirelessly working there day in and day out share some of the most beautiful stories of God working in their midst. Long after the media left to focus on other stories, they unfortunately missed some of the most heartfelt stories of true heroes and the epitome of perseverance.

While Jake was in Haiti after the earthquake, communication between us was nearly nonexistent. We relied on facebook and satellite phones but connection was sketchy at best. He knew that we were working on trying to visas for the children already in the adoption process but we all knew it was a long shot and would take an act of God to make it happen. So while Belinda in Haiti and those of us at home tirelessly worked on making phone calls and gathering the necessary paperwork, Jake was consumed to providing relief work and literally in the trenches with those suffering.

But I love hearing him tell the story of when he finally got the news that our boys were reunited with me and on US soil. He was in a make shift tent, talking, on a satellite phone, and literally surrounded by human suffering. And at that moment he had a choice to make…. He could allow his heart to be heavy and burdened by all that he was experiencing and seeing or he could CHOOSE TO SEE the beauty of the moment.

I believe with all my heart that in every dark moment we face, there is beauty in the midst if we choose to see it.

I just finished reading a book by Mary Beth Chapman called “Choose to See”. It is their families’ story…. from their adoption journeys to the suffering and grief that they have endured the last few years. Grief is a journey many of us take at one time or another. For the Chapman family their journey began with the accidental death of their 5 year old daughter, Maria Sue, whom they adopted from China. In Choosing to SEE, Mary Beth Chapman shares her struggles with the tragic loss of Maria Sue, her journey to heal, and the unexpected path God has placed her on. Even as difficult as life can be, Mary Beth and the Chapman’s choose to see with faith and hope. I love her openness about healing journey and the way they are proclaiming to see beauty rise from ashes! This is their story

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/FallConcert/video/steven-chapman-nominated-15th-grammy-award-12498934

Sometimes I feel like a Debbie Downer but the last few years have been the most difficult of our 15 years of marriage. It just seems like God has allowed one thing after another into our life (all of which have been opportunities to CHOOSE TO SEE beauty in the midst of suffering).Ecclesiates 3:1-8 talks about the different seasons in life. I used to believe those seasons were at separate distinct and different times in our lives. Now I realize that we can weep and laugh, mourn and dance, search and give up, tear and mend, kill and heal, tear down and heal ALL AT THE SAME TIME AND SEASON.

It started with the loss of our 21 day old niece Hope to a congenital heart defect (hypoplastic left heart syndrome). In the middle of walking through the grief with my brother and his amazingly strong wife, we saw so much beauty. Beauty in learning what it truly means to offer the sacrifice of praise. At baby Hope’s memorial, we sang the song “Blessed be your name” with lyrics like “you give and take away, my heart will CHOOSE to say Lord blessed be your name”. We also sang “How Great Thou Art”. The beauty was I am 100% convinced that when my family sang those lyrics we meant them even though we were saying good bye to a precious baby we barely got to know and love on.

Shortly after that our foster daughter (whom had live in our home nearly a year and we loved as our own) was unexpectedly moved to another placement. It broke our hearts in ways I can’t describe. The range of emotions associated with it ranged from shock, anger, to pure grief. But today as I look back on our time with her…. I don’t focus on the day she was removed from our home. I choose to see beauty in all the wonderful memories we have with her. I see her in the rear view, in her car seat, with eyed closed and her chubby little hands raised singing “oh how he loves us” by David Crowder (one of her favorite songs). Or I choose to see her running around with her footie pajama’s dancing around being silly like she did every night after her bath. I choose to see the way she would wait at the door for Daddy to come home or the “big kids” to get off the bus and then squeal with delight when they pulled up.

Then we faced the earthquake and the agony of watching the nation we love suffer. Not long after that we faced a crisis at our church that turned our lives upside down again. But now I choose to see beauty in God’s perfect plan and the way His ways are higher.

As the boys have transitioned into our culture and our home, we have unpacked some very deep and heavy stuff. I knew trauma and abuse like that existed but hearing about and searching for healing through the heart of their mom has been a difficult process. A mom’s natural instinct to protect her children and most days I feel ill equipped to know to bring healing to their broken childhoods. But I choose to see beauty in the painstakingly slow progress they are making in therapy. I choose to see and celebrate the glimpses of trust and attachment being established between them and us as their parents. I choose to believe that God has awesome things planned for these boys and He will use them not IN SPITE OF their past but BECAUSE of their past to do great things for the kingdom of God.

Romans 8:27-28 says “And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.

I am so thankful the “Spirit intercedes in our life according to the will of God” and in the midst of everything (even suffering) God is working in the midst and if we choose to see that, it’s a beautiful thing!

I’d like to share some photos from http://voicesofhaiti.com/photos that demonstrate beauty rising from the ashes. Prints are available to order from that site (I’m asking for my birthday wink wink) The above picture captions read...

“THE WORLD MAY SHAKE BUT HAITI REMAINS IN MY HEART” and “LOVE CONQUERS ALL”

Change is inevitable... except in a vending machine

2010-08-18T15:21:00.000-07:00

Can’t believe it’s been since March since I last updated my blog… So much has changed in the last several months. Both Jake and I made some “minor” career changes, we moved into a new house, the kids all start new schools this Friday, and the only constant seems to be that change is inevitable. It seems like life has been so busy, I haven’t even thought about updating my blog. Not that I would have anything worth saying (as if I ever do) or even have the mental capability to articulate thoughts.

Slowly but surely, we have made the transition into becoming a family of 7. Chaos is eerily normal now. I love the reaction I get from people when they ask me “how many kids do you have?” I have close friends who have had the challenge of blending families of children and step children. Some of our struggles have been similar to that with the added element of blending two cultures and trying to learn to be parented when you have grown up most of your life without parents. I’m so proud of the progress the new boys are making and the sacrifices our other kids have made in order to love on their new brothers.

Summer is by far the busiest season in a youth pastor family’s life and with 5 kids this summer was more challenging than most. Over the last 12 years in youth ministry, we love all the bonding and memories that come with summer camps, conferences, and mission trips. But we dreaded the time away from home and family (so much so I have joked about putting Jake’s picture on missing person milk jug) that goes hand in hand with creating those memories. This summer was bittersweet because we knew it would be our last summer serving as youth ministers. Loving teenagers and ministering to them has been our lives for over a decade and knowing that God is calling us to do something else has been exciting but filled with a lot of soul searching and some blunt conservations with the God who first called us into ministry.

After spending some teaching nursing students on labor and delivery floors, I decided that I missed working full time with laboring and new moms so I am putting teaching aside and accepted a new position at a local birth center. It’s been such a long time since I worked in the hospital setting so I feel like my nursing skills and physical body are more than a little rusty but I feel blessed to be where I am at and even more blessed to see the miracle of new life come into this world almost everyday.

Our precious church family is going through an intense time of transition the last few months as our senior minister left. Because we would want to love our church family through this time of healing and because our newly adopted sons have some intense counseling and therapy to walk through the next few years before they will be ready to go back to Haiti for even a short visit, we felt like we needed to put our plans to move to Haiti on hold indefinitely. Jake has accepted the position of lead preaching pastor and is enjoying his new role within the church. I know I am biased but he is really an anointed preacher so I love seeing him serve in this way. This is not the path we would have chosen but we have no doubt that this is where God wants us right now and know that His timing and His plan is always so much better than ours. We had planned to be packing up moving to Haiti right now but instead we are settling into a new role God has led us to. It’s funny how we can keep brainstorming options and plans, but GOD's purpose prevails. Proverbs 19:21 says “many are the plans in a man’s heart but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” We were convinced that God was calling us to be full time missionaries to Haiti last year… never in our wildest dreams did we foresee the boys coming to live with us here BEFORE we went to live there. The January 12 earthquake changed so many aspects of our life and our calling to Haiti. We feel like we ARE full time missionaries to Haiti right now and right here in Oklahoma. We feel that loving our 3 adopted sons and raising them to be solid Haitian Christian men can impact Haiti in ways that we can not even imagine. Our prayer is that one day they will share our passion for Haiti and we can all serve full time there full time but God continues to use us, prepare us and equip us until the timing is right for us to move to Haiti.

So there have been a lot of changes in our lives the last several months. Change is inevitable. Change is VERY uncomfortable for Type A personality people like me. But I can not find anywhere in the bible where the word “comfortable” is found. I’m learning to live in a constant state of being “comfortable with being uncomfortable”. Does that even make sense??

I love this quote from Donald Miller about change and waiting on God’s timing….

“It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things.”

Health Care Reform According to the Haitian Church

2010-03-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

My blogs have been few and far between these days (as I'm sure you my imaginary readers have noticed lol) because at the end of January, we welcomed two boys we were in the process of adopting into our home. Blogging has taken a back seat to connecting with my two newest precious Haitian miracles. In all area's of my life, I am trying to say "no" more so that I can say "yes" to what matters most (which is my children in the present season of my life) But in light of the massive amount of political mud slinging in regards to health care reform, I can't resist throwing my two cents in the mix and share a story about health care reform through the eyes of my 13 year old son Jedone....

Shortly after returning from Haiti post-earthquake, Jake (my husband) got really sick requiring a 6 day hospitalization. After consulting Oklahoma city's closest version of Dr. Gregory House MD(really a semi- retired infectious disease doctor with knowledge of tropical diseases and medical mission work), we ruled out everything from malaria to dengue fever to hepatitis B and finally concluded that his temporary liver failure was due several different nasty strains of mononucleosis.

Because all meaningful deep conversations with my children usually occurs within the four walls on our mini-van... leaving church one Sunday morning(when Jake was still in the hospital)Jedone looks up at me and asks ....

"Mom did Pastor Kirk (Kurt) give you money today?" (imagine an irresistible heavy Haitian ascent)

"No baby, why would Pastor Kirk give me money?"

"Because Dad is in the hospital. In Haiti, when someone is sick, Pastor Dedro asks for money at church, everybody gives a little money, and then we pray,give them money, and take that man to the hospital."

I didn't have the energy to attempt to explain to him how vastly different health care here is from Haiti nor the abstract concepts of things like insurance and deductibles so we just tabled the conversation for a few days. Later on in the week, some sweet brothers and sisters from our church brought over meals and groceries for us to which Jedone exclaimed...

"OH I GOT IT! In Oklahoma, the church no give money for hospital but when you are sick, they give food!"

Over the several days, I have been a bit bothered by all the division and chaos the health care reform debate has spurred. Let me be clear.... I AM NOT VOICING AN OPINION ON THIS TOPIC. I have not personally read all 2000 pages of the bill (remember I'm all about connecting with my kids and have no time for things don't matter most) and will not allow CNN,FOX news, or any other person or organization tell me how to feel about the issue. But what I will say is this.... I wish there wasn't even a need for health care reform (or other things like social security, welfare, Medicare or DHS). I wish the American church as the beautiful bride of Christ would meet the needs of those around us as outlined in the New Testament. I wish those who are SICK,hungry, hurting, widowed, orphaned, and wanting more would find refuge in the church thus eliminating the need for governmental agencies doing what the church was intended to do. In some ways, the heated debates generated by the health-care reform can be viewed as an opportunity — an opportunity for the church to examine what we are and what we are not doing to care for the sick among us.

I'm not naive enough to think the solution to issues as big as this can be tackled by the church overnight...but I am not foolish enough to ignore the insight offered to me from my son and his experience with Haitian church.

"As you go, preach this message: 'The kingdom of heaven is near.' Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy,drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give. " ~Matthew 10:7,8

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?" ~Matthew 25:35-37

Disclaimer: My target audience is always my imaginary reader, me, myself, and I. So there is no condemnation or judgment intended for anyone other than my own Pharisee like reflection in the mirror as I journey to remove the plank in my own eye.

short video about our adoption journey from news ok

2010-02-16T10:54:00.000-08:00

how our family of 5 slowly became a family of 7... OVERNIGHT

2010-02-04T08:59:00.000-08:00

Don’t know how to describe the events of our family’s life over the last several weeks but I know many people have questions and there is inaccurate information circling around so here the 411 on how our family of 5 slowly became a family of 7… OVERNIGHT!

It all starts and ends with James 1:27 which says “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” Our family’s life was turned upside when God spoke to us through this verse about 6 years ago. Our journey down the adoption road began with this verse and God has built our family’s life’s work and ministry on that verse.

Jake and I first visited the island of Haiti in March 2005. I didn’t know if we would EVER recover from all the things God revealed to us during that trip. Our comfortable life was turned upside down by everything we saw and experienced there. Thankfully, we never did “get over” it… God began to change our entire life goals from that point on. After we saw what we saw with our own eyes, we were morally obligated to change and “recovery” was not an option. Princess Diana had it right when she said: “You can’t comfort the afflicted without afflicting the comfortable.” God changed our comfortable life forever during first precious those days we spent in Haiti. We realized that proof of our love for Christ was not best reflected in merely going to church, singing praise songs, going to bible study and prayer meetings, or teaching a Sunday school class (although those things are vitally important), but in genuinely loving and serving the sick, the poor, the weak, and the marginalized. I used to be able to ignore those statistics of extreme poverty but once the numbers have faces and stories associated with them… it haunted us. We began to feel a unique calling and burden for the Haitian people.

During our first trip working at GVCM’s all of God’s children orphanage, we felt a divine connection to two little boys there…. Jimso and Jackson. Our hearts were forever connected to those boys (boys that were partners in crime and best buds to their core). After returning home and spending some intense time praying about adoption, our family felt called to adopt Jimso. We continued to love on and pray for Jackson but did not immediately feel called to begin pursuing adopting both boys. After 3 long years, our adoption journey was complete as welcomed Jimso Taylor Lenhart in our home. The journey to bring Jimso home was not easy but I would not change one moment of it. God has spoken so much truth over our lives during this process. I know that each tear that fell and each obstacle that we had to overcome was wrapped with divine purposes. The most powerful lesson we learned on our adoption journey is that He who promised is faithful!!!

Throughout the course of our adoption, we were able to travel to Haiti several times. When the adoption of Jimso was complete and Jake made the journey to bring him home, we learned that Jimso had a biological brother now living at the orphanage named Dieudonne. We were heart broken to learn that our adoption would mean separating Jimso, Jackson, AND Dieudonne.

I visited Haiti to eagerly meet Dieudonne as soon as possible after the dust settled from our first adoption (November 2008) and again felt instantly connected to those two boys. We began visiting the orphanage as often as we could, sharing pictures of Jimso and our family, and just wrapping our arms around these precious boys that had stolen our hearts. We immediately discussed the possibility of adopting Dieudonne and Jackson with GVCM and our family prepared for another long journey to welcome these boys into our forever family.

Shortly after visiting the boys again in 2008, we felt the Lord calling us to full time mission work in Haiti. As we began pursuing that we put our adoptions on hold… hoping that once we got settled in Haiti, we could complete a local adoption first. So prior to the earthquake, we were in full swing of the fund raising aspect of becoming full time missionaries with Christian Service International (CSI).

Life changed for everyone connected with Haiti on Tuesday January 12th… I have nothing to compare it to except for the tragedy of 911. Our hearts literally ached for the nation we loved, the children we loved as our own, and our missionary friends serving there.

There are no words to describe how much we love the people of Haiti. I have read in the book of Ruth where she proclaims to her mother in law Naomi, “Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. YOUR PEOPLE WILL BE MY PEOPLE and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me." I do not understand the how’s or why’s of it… but I know that we feel a divine connection and love for the people of Haiti. Maybe it has something to do with the adoption but I know God has placed devotion in our hearts to this nation and its people that will be the foundation upon which we will build our ministry to the people of Haiti.

Jake and our dear friend Belinda (who is a nurse) immediately began making plans to go to Haiti to help provide relief. They were able to leave the Saturday following the earthquake. While they we in process of getting there, I learned that children who were already in the adoption process (and those prospective adoptive parents who had traveled to Haiti and established a previous relationship with the orphan) could possibly be evacuated on a humanitarian parole visas. And the overwhelming sinking feeling in my chest started to feel lighter with the gift of HOPE. The events between finding out that information and Belinda bringing home the 12 orphans that were evacuated are kind of a blur…. It involved days of emails and phone calls from friends and family associated with these children in the States (literal the battery on my phone would be dead by around 11am everyday), frantically gathering the already completed paperwork of several of the families, and TONS AND TONS OF PRAYER!! It involved miracle after miracle leading us down the path God had laid before us. But late Tuesday night, we got word Belinda was on a military flight bringing home 12 precious children to their new families (2 of those 12 were future Lenharts). Jennifer (another adoptive mom from Oklahoma) and I were able to fly down with the Beoughers (another adoptive family from Kansas) to meet Belinda and the kids in Miami. Honestly we were pinching our self’s the entire flight… isn’t it ironic how we pray and pray and PRAY for something and then are awestruck when we see our answered prayers materialize?!

I was able to briefly talk to a weary Belinda as we waited for our flight to join her in Miami… and touched bases with her on how much the kids understood at this point. I wanted to know did Dieudonne and Jackson understand that this was IT and that they were coming home to us?? Belinda shared with me that “they get it!” and our sweet Dieudonne had carried a picture of our family into the Embassy with him confident in who and where he was going!

The first few days following the earthquake I was consumed by the news coverage… somehow seeing first hand accounts of what was happening made me feel connected with the people I love during one of their most difficult hours. Once Jake and Belinda were there, I had to make the decision to avoid the new coverage. Hearing stories of aftershocks and holding my breath until we got word everyone was ok was beyond disheartening.

When we landed in Miami and were moments away from being reunited with our precious children, I walked by a TV monitor reporting the biggest aftershock yet. But again as I had done all week, I had to CHOOSE faith. Earlier in the week, I heard and held onto a MLK quote that said “faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the staircase.”

So pushing the news of the aftershock aside, I was finally able to wrap my arms around my friend Belinda (who had just walked through the valley of the shadow of death literally) and my precious boys!!! Knowing their ages (12,11) and developmentally where my son was at age, I didn’t want to smoother them with hugs and kisses so I had determined not to but…. As soon as they saw me, THEY SMOTHERED me when the hugs and kisses my heart so desperately longed for the last several months since I last saw them. It was one of those moments that can’t be explained with words or pictures but it is completely a heart thing. So after our 5:30am reunion in the Miami international airport hotel, we began the task of making travel arrangements to OklaHOMEa. Over the course of our adventure home with those 12 miracles, I was drooled on, cried on, and peed on. It was one of the longest days of my life but also one of the best days!

I remember when Jimso came home with us… as he sleep between me and Jake that first night, we giggled and cried in awe of this little miracle between us. Because Jake was still Haiti, he missed some of the special “firsts” with Jackson and Dieudonne. And although I wanted him to be there to share in the moment we had prayed for and waited on for years… we wanted him to be where God wanted to be and in that moment that was helping in Haiti. And thankfully I had the help of some AMAZING friends to help our family make this transition once the boys were home.

Sometimes in the moments of sheer joy in seeing these boys finally home with us… I felt guilty knowing what others are still experiencing in Haiti today. I don’t even know how to wrap my mind around the magnitude of loss and suffering there, but even in the midst of that I see God working and good coming from all the hurt. Romans 8:28 promises us that “we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” ALL THINGS (even unspeakable tragedies)

One of the biggest questions we have been asked is “are you still moving to Haiti?” And the answer is a resounding “YES!”. The earthquake has changed many things… and the details of WHEN and in what capacity we will serve is still unknown. When we embarked on this journey to become full time missionaries to Haiti, we were really unsure how God was going to work out the logistics of everything. God knew there would be a devastating earthquake when He called us. It was like a Polaroid picture… I knew God had a plan but the final picture was really unclear and blurry yet. Today that Polaroid picture is starting to become clearer and IT’S BEAUTIFUL! Figuring out how the picture ends up and knowing all the details along the way, isn’t my part. My part is just following Him wherever He leads. One day that will be Haiti, but while we wait I have a little more of Haiti (in Jackson and Dieudonne) here with me to love on.

We cannot say thank you enough to our friends, family, and precious church family. The support we have received is overwhelming and just another testament to these Haitian children as to how incredibly loved they are by all of you!!

I know this seems like a long story… but trust me this is the SHORT VERSION. I could (and might) write books full of all the miracles and beautiful moments (mixed with moments of sheer grief) we have had the opportunity to experience over the last 3 weeks.

One of the songs that seems to be on the radio every time I get in the car the last few weeks is “What Faith Can Do” by Kutless and the lyrics could not be more appropriate:

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

On this MLK day....

2010-01-18T10:48:00.000-08:00

I want to discuss that which consumes my heart... the crisis in the nation I love as my own (Haiti)... but I can NOT even begin to articulate how my heart is hurting (maybe later)

Until then, please consider donating to our sending organization at www.csiministries.org

Here are some MLK quotes that are speaking volumes to my heart today...

"A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus."

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

"Justice is love in calculation. Justice is love correcting that which revolts against love."

"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase."

"A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than programs for social uplift is approaching spiritual doom."

"A riot is at bottom the language of the unheard."

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

"If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live."

And of course all of this.....

Jesus is Enough… Especially at Christmas

2009-12-29T07:57:00.000-08:00

Normally at this time of year, I am rummaging through after Christmas sales looking for drastically marked down Christmas decorations… and with most Christmas clearance down to at least 75% off, my Christmas decorations collection typically grows in leap and bounds the week after Christmas. But this year is different… as we prepare to move to Haiti sometime in 2010, we are examining what possessions will make the move with us. We have a price estimate of $1.50 per pound so sadly I’m not sure any my Christmas collections will be making the cut. Except for clothing, everyday practical items, and some sentimental items, we will sale or give everything else away.

Knowing that we will spending the majority of our Christmases in the Caribbean from now on… I wonder how hard it will be to feel in “the Christmas spirit”? The familiar Christmas decorations, tree, and lights might all be long gone. The weather wont be cold and any dreams of a white Christmas will be dashed. On top of that, sharing Christmas with all of our extended family will not be likely.

But knowing all that… I have reexamined what Christmas is all about. While decorations, family, and things like that may symbolize or remind us of Christmases past, all these things are not what Christmas is all about. When all the stuff (lights, trees, gifts, food, family, friends) may be gone, it all comes down to Jesus. Jesus is enough! If we have learned anything from this journey we are on, it’s the undeniable truth that Jesus is always enough. In fact, it may be refreshing be free of distractions that divert our focus from the true meaning of Christmas… Emmanuel (God with us). And if God himself is with us, what else could we possibly need?

PS this picture is of a small nativity set I brought the first year Jake and I were married. I bought it at “dollar general” when even a dollar was hard to come by. Somehow it has held up through the years (even through the toddler years when playing with baby Jesus was quite popular). And if any “Christmasy” things make the cut, this will be it!

Most rewarding part of youth ministry by far...

2009-12-21T22:35:00.000-08:00

One quick post before going to bed... probably the last one of the year.

But just wanted to say how super proud I am of the people in this picture. Some of our former students (many of them home from college for Christmas) came over and hung out tonight. We played intense games of catch phrase and spoons but more importantly catch up on what God has been doing in each other's life.

We have been in youth ministry for over a decade... and MOST rewarding part by far is seeing our former students live out their faith after leaving our ministry!

I feel like a proud momma but indulge me while I brag on these young adults whose faith exceeds my own at times...One of these amazing people just got home from spending the week serving and pouring herself out in mission work in Haiti. Another one shared about how he has been selling coffee in his community to raise money for malaria medications and to cover cost so he can spend the upcoming summer serving in India (where he is being called to full time missions). Another is just wrapped a clothing drive she organized and is getting ready to load up her car with clothing she has been collecting for precious people she loves in Africa. Another is considering spending 9 weeks of intense discipleship this summer with the organization Kaleo in Panama City Beach. One just back from serving several months in Peru. One has spent the last year serving our country overseas in the army. Another is working a "grown up girl job" now after recently completing an internship with TOMS shoes (which provides shoes for children in poverty). Some have been at bible college and quite a few others have been living out their faith in state colleges (which is a huge mission field in itself).... all this to say that I think God is raising up a generation of world changers and I feel incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to be a small part of that.

One of my favorite worship songs called "Hosanna" talks about seeing "a generation rising up to take their place with selfless faith"... when I look at this picture and hear about what some of things these amazing young adults are doing... I see a beautiful picture of a generation changing the world with selfless faith!

Nights like tonight is what I will miss most as we move onto a different kind of calling in mission work but I wouldn't trade it for the world! It has been one of my greatest joys to serve in youth ministry for the last 11 years and it will continue to be as we go out together to "set the world on fire"

Merry Christmas from the Lenhart Elves

2009-12-10T19:27:00.000-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

blessed by the body...

2009-12-08T09:40:00.000-08:00

Over the last few weeks, I can not count the way that the body of Christ has made my family’s life so blessed!! So I just had to blog about it…

Right now, our family is in the fund raising portion of our efforts to become full time missionaries to Haiti. We were warned by other CSI missionaries that this phase would be the “most challenging part” and they were exactly right! It is extremely awkward and humbling to ask people you know for support. It is challenging to try to share our heart and passion in some promotional materials that we are trying to create about the work we will be doing in Haiti. Given our present economy and my own personal corks when it comes things like financial planning/ security… relying on God ALONE to provide for our families livelihood through His people is a very scary place to be! But God is teaching us soooo much in this season about His faithfulness and the way He has intended his church body to function.

We have been AMAZED by the response of some of our sweet brothers and sisters in Christ and the way they have volunteered and eagerly came alongside to help this dream of ours become a reality. For example, an elder in our church who is a graphic designer has designed some amazing brochures that really communicate our heart for Haiti and the work God has prepared for us to do there. Another man from our church family is a web designer. He has volunteered to help us maintain our website (www.starfish4haiti.com). We contacted a very talented photographer about taking some family and team portraits and because she shared our heart for missions and the Lord, she not only scheduled an appointment for us right away but insisted waving her normal portrait fees. Another old friend who is a video/media pastor used his talent to put together a short video for us that also beautifully shared our heart for Haiti. And I could go but basically God has been blessing our socks off in the way His children have volunteered their gifts and time to help us on this journey we are currently on. There are many different parts of the body of Christ and when those parts come together with a common goal (to further God’s kingdom), it is a beautiful thing!

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, our house was broken into. It could have been WAY worse but some things were stolen that would have made Christmas morning kind of a downer for our kids. But upon hearing what happened, some of precious church family offered to replace some of the items that were stolen. Some students in our ministry even sacrificed and pulled together their own resources to bless our family in a special way! And we were once again blown away by the generosity and love of the body of Christ!

In our Sunday school study of “Crazy Love”, Francis Chan challenged us a few weeks ago by these thoughts…

“Is there any logic in believing that God started His Church as a Spirit-filled, loving body with the intention that it would evolve into entertaining, hour-long services? Was he hoping that one day people would be attracted to the Church not because they care for one another, not because they are devoted to Him, not because the supernatural occurs in their midst, but because of good music and entertainment? Try to imagine what conclusions you would come to if you had no prior church experience. The things in church services might make sense to the American church-attendee, but they don't make sense biblically. Picture yourself on an island with only a Bible. You've never been to a church-you've never even heard of one. The only ideas you have about church are what you've read in your Bible. Then you enter a building labeled "church" for the first time. What would you expect to experience as you entered that building? Now compare that to what you actually experience when you attend church. But what if the church looked like this?

They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. (Acts 2:42-47)

It describes what the world is waiting for. I used to look at this passage as something that was wonderful but could never happen in the twenty-first century. There are just too many cultural obstacles for the Holy Spirit to overcome. He is powerful enough to raise the dead, but not powerful enough to form a sharing and loving body in our individualistic society. I doubted God's ability to stir a body of believers to love tirelessly and give without restraint. I reasoned that this type of fellowship was probably not intended for our time. Besides, we don't have time to love like this.

This last year our church has done a lot of studying of the New Testament church and it has been challenging to say the least. The church, as a whole, has a long way to go but there are breath taking glimpses of us “loving tirelessly and giving without restraint.” In the world we live in, it is easy to become jaded and judgmental of hypocritical Christians but from where I am standing … the body of Christ is a BEAUTIFUL thing!

PS Please don't be the appendix!

www.starfish4haiti.com

2009-11-30T14:41:00.000-08:00

Last week, we had team pictures taken in Wichita. Jackie Cooper was the photographer. If you live within driving distance to Wichita, I would HIGHLY recommend her. She is amazingly talented and super fun to work with. This picture is one of my favorites and we are thinking about making a poster size to take with us on speaking engagements to promote our website. Hope you all had a blessed Thanksgiving!!

"There is no place like home... Toto I don't think home is Kansas anymore!"

2009-11-23T10:33:00.000-08:00

One's home is like a delicious piece of pie you order in a restaurant on a country road one cozy evening - the best piece of pie you have ever eaten in your life - and can never find again. After you leave home, you may find yourself feeling homesick, even if you have a new home that has nicer wallpaper and a more efficient dishwasher than the home in which you grew up. ~Lemony Snicket

After making the commitment to becoming full time missionaries to Haiti, we starting looking at our “stuff” and really scrutinizing the “things” in our life in terms of what we feel like will be necessary to make our home feel like “home” in Haiti and what we can leave behind. Not once in this process of answering the call to become missionaries has it hurt or been difficult to think about leaving “things” behind, it has been the people and relationships that the cost of discipleship can require us to say good-bye to that is most painful.

Last week was very “cleansing” for the Lenharts. We spent the week cleaning and organizing every closet, cabinet, and crevice in our house. So throughout the week, we began making piles of what we wanted to donate, trash, and sell in a massive garage sale next spring. I love the sense of accomplishment and peace that comes with feeling organized. But everyone in my family does not share my enthusiasm for organization, especially my daughter Ashlyn. Our first born Drew is a list-making, organization seeking freak like me. Yet our daughter Ashlyn prefers chaos and creativity to schedules and order like her Dad. So when it came time to work on Ashlyn’s room, world war III was on the verge of breaking out. She tends to be a pack rat of sorts… saving every little paper and trinket she has ever owned stuffing them in random drawers and corners. Her closet doors are usually wide open because the contents of the closet can not be contained with mere doors. And she is perfectly content with living in chaos because chaos is “normal” to the creative genius that she is. So asking her to bring some kind organization to her madness was a HUGE and almost impossible task. Add the drama and emotional roller coasters that tend to accompany most 6th grade girls and we had a recipe for disaster and a full blown melt down on our hands. After some heated words and some threats on her part of not joining us in our move to Haiti… we got to the heart of issue. It wasn’t just that I was asking her (or forcing her) to be a little more organized but the thought moving and leaving “home” was becoming more real to her.

Earlier that week, as Jake and I discussed what our plans for the holidays were going to be, we talked about this concept of “home”. For the first 30 years of our life, “home” was Kansas to us. Now after living in Oklahoma the last three years, we feel torn. Where is “home”? Are we going “home” for the holidays? Is “home” where we lived, live, or where we are going to live?

So after taking a step back and time out from our cleaning catastrophe, Ashlyn and I were able to have a heart about what and where “home” really is. We talked about how it’s natural for our hearts to desire a place to call “home”. And discussed how “home” isn’t necessarily a place but an idea or a group of people. And talked about how as Christians, as long as we live on earth, part of us will always be “homesick” and longing for heaven and God’s kingdom. And we wrestled with the idea that we won’t really feel at “home” anywhere in this world.

Hebrews 11:13-16 talks about how people of great faith even struggled with this idea of “home” and it says “all these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them.”

Elisabeth Elliot has said "If we were given all we wanted here, we would settle for this world rather than the next." I think if we were too comfortable or too settled here on earth we would not long for our heavenly home as we ought. I think in order to keep a heavenly perspective in this life as strangers and exiles on earth… what we love, live for, long for, and the place we will feel completely at “home” is not something we can experience here on earth. But “coming home” something we will truly only experience on the other side of heaven. And if heaven is our home, we will at times feel like refugees and foreigners. But looking at Hebrews 11 and the people commended for their faith, leads me to believe that if this is not “home” then we are in good company.

Jake and I have been studying Abraham and the call God placed on his life to leave his country and his people. In Genesis 23, Abraham has lost his beloved wife Sarah. Having no “home" or land to call his own, Abraham struggled with where to bury his beloved wife. Abraham, and many other saints in the Old Testament, like Jacob and King David, referred to themselves as “sojourners.” The word sojourner is defined as “to live somewhere temporarily, as on a visit; stay for a while.” Right now as I type, I should be packing for our trip to Kansas for Thanksgiving. But I’m not because I hate packing for a trip and living out of suitcases isn’t that much fun either. But it’s a necessary evil for traveling… so is this idea of living as sojourners on earth. It’s not ideal or comfortable in any way but if heaven is our home then we are just living here temporarily. Philippians 3:20 confirms this by telling us that “our citizenship is in heaven and we eagerly await a Savior from there.” 1 Peter 2:11 urges us “live as aliens and strangers in this world.”

So are you going “home” for the holidays? In the words of one of my favorite song writers, “We are not home yet, keep on looking ahead, let your heart not forget, we are not home yet!”

starfish4haiti promotion video

2009-11-10T08:15:00.000-08:00

Jake & Tiffanie Lenhart talk about there call to Haiti from @ednewby on Vimeo.

Happy Halloween from the Lenharts!!

2009-10-29T11:03:00.001-07:00

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Once upon a Wednesday

2009-10-27T07:35:00.000-07:00

In Haiti, nature (daylight and livestock noises) dictates when you go to bed at night and when you wake up in the morning. So Wednesday morning, I woke up near dawn. This was the view in our room, outside the window, in the CSI missionary house we stayed in.

On that particular morning, as I looked out on that breath taking view, I read Matthew 25 in my quiet time. Here are just some of the verses started off my day with…

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

Wednesday turned out to be one of the hottest day’s temperature wise of the entire week, reaching over 100degrees. So when I saw the last patient of the day through the triage area of the medical clinic where Ashlyn and I was working, I was relieved to find a spot in the shade to sit and catch some reprieve the scorching Haiti heat. As soon as I made my way to spot in the shade outside the mobile medical clinic, I noticed a friend waving me over. This friend was a little boy who had lingered around the clinic site all week… not being seen as a patient, not attending the school next door, but just hanging out all week watching what we were doing and soaking up any love and attention he could from the medical team visiting.

As he motioned me over, I knew exactly what his intentions were. He wanted to play “slaps” (a game in which one person lays their hand palms down upon the other persons hands and the object is to quickly flip your hand over and slap the other person’s hands before they can move them away)

I had played “slaps” with this little boy all week but on that particular day… I was exhausted, drenched with sweat, and just wanted a quiet moment to myself in the shade before we started loading up all medical supplies back into the truck.

But as soon as I had resolved to ignore my friend’s insistent motioning over, I was reminded of the verses in Matthew 25 I had read earlier that day. I heard the still quiet voice of the Holy Spirit nudging my hardened heart and whispering “that little boy wants to play slaps with you… will you play with him? JESUS wants to play slaps with you… will you play with Him?”

Needless to say, I decided to forgo my spot in the shade for an encounter with Jesus himself and I am soooo glad I did. After playing slaps with my friend until the top of my hands were bright red and burning, my friend and I retreated to the spot in the shade together.

As he was sitting on the steps, holding my red hand, he started softly singing to me in the sweetest voice…“God is so good, God is so good, God is so good, He’s so good to me”. Looking at my friend, wearing the same dirty clothes he had worn all week, with mismatched shoes, handicapped, missing one arm and covered in scabies… I thought to myself “he is singing in English, he probably doesn’t even know the words or what he is even saying.” But after a couple rounds in English, my heat skipped a beat when my sweet friend then started singing it Creole and I could barely hold the tears in as we sang the song together.

That “ah-ha” moment challenged me to the core. How many times have I missed the opportunity of a face to face, hands on encounter Jesus because deliberately chose to ignore someone around me? How many times do I get so caught up in uncomfortable circumstances that I lose sight of the goodness of God?

GOD IS SOOOO GOOD!

2009-10-18T23:25:00.000-07:00

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Highlight video from team in Haiti last week AMAZING ... big tears rolling down my checks AMAZING! want to go back right now sooo much it hurts AMAZING! thanks for sharing Kyle:)

my amazing daughter... Haitian children's favorite "blanc" on the block

2009-10-14T08:34:00.001-07:00

Last week, my family (minus our youngest son Jimso) had the opportunity to spend some time in Haiti exploring a possible future with a mission organization called Christian Service International (CSI). My husband and I have spent lots of time doing short term mission work in Haiti and my son, Drew, had previously accompanied us on one of our trips. But this was the maiden voyage, so to speak, for my 11 year old daughter Ashlyn.

Prior to leaving, several friends commented on our decision to go to Haiti with our kids and the week of school they would have to miss as a result of the trip. To which I can confidently say that all they saw and experienced last week was something most adults will never experience and something that no classroom could EVER teach. Teaching my kids that most of the world does NOT live like we do as Americans and the invaluable lesson of service to fellow mankind was PRICELESS!

Because serving the country of Haiti is something we are very passionate about and therefore something that gets discussed around the dinner table at our house quite often…. Ashlyn had heard all about Haiti, seen more pictures than you can imagine, and knew many of the heart breaking statistics surrounding the precious people of Haiti. Yet one of the most exciting aspects of this last week was to see Haiti through her eyes.

As a mom, words can’t describe how proud I was to see my daughter stretch herself as she came face to face with overwhelming poverty and suffering. Throughout the week, she helped a team of doctors and nurses at a mobile medical clinic. Ashlyn’s assignment included helping me work in the triage area of the clinic and her smiling face was what greeted the more than 125 patients we saw each day. Sometimes Christians limit ourselves by focusing on what we think we lack or what we feel we can not do instead of embracing what is we can do for the kingdom. She didn’t know how to take blood pressures, compile a list of chief complaints, or diagnosis patients but she did know how to extravagantly love on the people who came through the clinic, especially the children.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, I will let these pictures tell the story of how two worlds came together under the banner of Christ’s love… how a privileged Caucasian American girl and Haitian children who knew nothing of her world could come together and just simply do what kids do best… PLAY. The differences between the two worlds were drastic from an adult perspective. Here are children whose way of live included waiting all day to see a doctor in a make shift outdoor clinic and a girl who never has to wait more than a couple of hours in a comfortable waiting room to see a doctor. Children whose world and culture say that the basic necessities of life like an education, health care, and food/shelter are a privilege or luxury not a right playing with a girl who has been given every chance to thrive. Haitian children live in the reality that their place of birth determines their right to life. While my daughter has had it ingrained in her mind from birth that with a lot of hard work she can achieve whatever she wants in life. But the differences of language, culture, and quality of life issues didn’t keep them from forming a bond with each other so much so that every morning as our truck pulled up to the mobile medical site, children would come running up smiling, waving, and yelling, “Ash! Ash! Ash!”

ADOPTION DAY

2009-09-19T07:59:00.000-07:00

Two years ago today, we brought Jimso home from Haiti!!! And it was one of the best and most important days of my life!!

We have some dear friends currently navigating their way through Haitian adoption. And we are currently navigating our way through some pretty rough waters as we prepare to move to Haiti. But being reminded of God's impeccable record for being faithful to fulfill that which He has called us and promised us is the most reassuring place to be. This morning I was reading some thoughts I had wrote on the day we brought Jimso home and was brought to tears just thinking about God's faithfulness to move mountains throughout our adoption journey. Just thought I would share those thoughts with you.....

“It Is Done~ Welcome Jimso Taylor Lenhart ”

I woke up this morning before it was light out and as I lay in bed trying to decide if I should get up or go back to sleep, all I could think was “I can’t believe this day is finally really here.” I have prayed for this day for 2 ½ years. I have dreamed about what it will be like to bring Jimso home since the moment God placed this burden and calling on my heart. As a mom, I have cried many tears on his behalf and felt my heart literally ache for a child who grew not under my heart but in it. This journey to bring Jimso home has not been easy but I would not change one moment of it. God has spoken so much truth over my life during this process. I know that each tear that fell and each obstacle that we had to overcome was wrapped with divine purposes.

One day years from now, we will be able to tell Jimso about this adoption process. I pray that through the hard times and seeing all that we had to overcome, he will grasp the depth of our love for him. As one day he seeks to understand why he was abandoned by his biological mother, I pray that he will choose to focus not on the hurt and sting of that abandonment but instead focus on how much he was wanted, how many people prayed for him and loved him before they even met him.

If this journey had been smooth, I would not be so incredibly grateful and full of praise. Nor would I be able to attest to the power of faith, hope and love. If I have learned anything on this journey, it’s that He who promised is faithful!!!

Last week I made a list of things that God had to “work out” in order for this day to come to pass. Just some of those mountains included:

1. According to Haitian law, adoptive parents must be 35 or older (which we are not)

2. Also according to Haitian law, both biological parents must be decreased, even in cases of abandonment (Jimso biological mother is living)

3. GVCM is not an adoption agency; though they establish and run the orphanage, there have been no adoptions to date therefore we had no one with the legal knowledge to navigate us through this confusing process. Many couples who attempt independent adoptions (with no agency) are unsuccessful. That compounded with the language barrier we faced as we tried to get information was overwhelming.

4. The financial burden of an international adoption is very costly and beyond the salary of a family in full time ministry.

Yet God knew all this when he called us to the God sized task of this adoption. He alone could move the mountains in our way and that is exactly what he did!!

A famous missionary named J. Hudson Taylor (Jimso’s middle name) once said, “I have found that there are three stages in every great work of God: first, it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done!” Throughout this journey, it has been impossible and difficult but today it is done!!

wilderness season = open season

2009-09-16T13:18:00.000-07:00

One of my kids’ favorite movies is one called “Open Season”. The movie tagline is “the odds are about to get even.” The two main characters find themselves smack dab in the wilderness, just days before “open season.” So they unite with the cute lovable wilderness animals that have grown weary of always being the ones hunted. In desperation, they decide to band together on opening day of hunting season and turn the tables on their predators. There are times in life when it seems like someone has declared “open season” and we feel like walking targets at the shooting range. Well today “the odds are about to get even…”

The last several weeks have been one of the most intense times of temptation I have ever experienced. Circumstances beyond our control seem to have thrusted our family into a “wilderness” season in our life unexpectedly (from our foster daughters being unexpectedly moved out of our home to physical illness). But thankfully we have been able to find encouragement in God’s word over and over again.

Our team that is preparing to be going to Haiti in 2010 has been studying the “red letter” words of the New Testament. Through that, I have been focusing on the temptation of Jesus found in Luke 4:1-13. Our enemy is not creative in that he still uses the same tactics today when it comes to tempting God’s children. Here are some of the observations I have noticed through this study of God’s word and our present wilderness season:

Jesus was tempted immediately following his baptism and just prior to entering full time ministry/ mission work. I know for us personally it seems like we face intense periods of temptations just prior to doing something “big” for God’s kingdom. Season of intense temptation are not indicators of our spiritual well being. The closer we seem to get to being in Haiti full time, the more opposition we seem to face. Last week when we booked our airline tickets, we joked about wondering what kind of curveballs life would throw at us this time. But the more battles we face in this arena, the more confirmation we receive that we are exactly where God wants us to be.

Jesus faced temptation immediately following a 40 day fast in the desert. Satan is shrewd. He tempts us when we are alone and beyond tired, hungry, and weary. Our enemy knows our personal weaknesses and is calculated about the timing of tempting us. He knows that, just like the Israelites were, God’s children are most vulnerable during the “wilderness” seasons of life.

The passages in Luke also demonstrate our enemy’s tenacity. He doesn’t give up easily but is extremely persistent in his efforts to tempt us and get us to abandon God’s plan for our lives.

Scripture was the most powerful weapon Jesus had when he was battling temptation. I am so guilty of not knowing God’s word well enough when it comes to battling temptation. I will vaguely know the promises of God but it’s easy to forget where they are found in the midst of a battle. This present season of life has driven me to immerse myself in God’s word. I have found that scripture is the most powerful tool in our fight against temptation. Don’t fight back with your words, fight back with God’s (and turn the odds in your favor)!!

"We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--- yet without sin.... Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those being tempted." ~ Hebrews 4:14-15

My world is closing in
On the inside
But I’m not showing it
When all I am is crying out
I hold it in and fake a smile
Still I’m broken
I’m broken
Only one can understand
And only one can hold the hand
Of the broken
Of the broken

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in your arms
Again

I need no explanation of why me
I just need confirmation
Only You could understand the
emptiness inside my head
I am falling
I am falling
I’m falling down upon my knees
To find the one who gives me peace
I am flying
Lord I am flying

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms
Again

I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can’t see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I’ll leave it in Your hands

The journey begins...

2009-08-26T10:01:00.000-07:00

We have had many of you ask us what is next in our Haitian adventure and how you can come alongside us and support us in our endeavors to become full time missionaries to Haiti. This blog was created to keep our friends and family up to date on our progress. It's function is also to serve as an avenue to share about all the amazingly cool things God is doing within our families life.

Right now we are seriously considering partnering with an established mission organization that has been working in Haiti for over 40 years and has an impeccable reputation for their work there. We have completed the interview process and have passed a psychological evaluation with them. The next step in our endeavors with them is for our entire family to go to Haiti with them on what is called an “exploratory trip”. On this trip, we will learn more about the work they are already doing in Haiti (medical clinics, orphan care, church growth) and spend some time examining how we could enhance what the other missionaries (several families) are doing there. This week with them will be a crucial part in cementing our relationship with them.

Because zeal without practical wisdom can lead to heartache and the squandering of Kingdom resources…. another aspect of our preparation is missionary TRAINING. We have purchased Rosetta Stone and have begun French language studies in hopes that we will then easily convert that knowledge into Creole once we are in Haiti full time. Another aspect of training that we plan to invest in is the SPLICE training offered at the Missionary Training Institute. SPLICE training is a “three week pre-departure program that is designed to help the entire missionary family develop the practical skills and attitudes that will successfully take us through the challenging and rewarding process of being interwoven with another culture.”

First and foremost we need your spiritual support… we need extra encouragement and covet your prayers as our families begin this new chapter in our lives. Please be specifically praying for discernment in knowing what organization to commit to and that God would use these months of preparation to deepen discipleship and prepare us spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

We also ask you to prayerfully consider if the Lord may be leading you to financially support us. Cost of airfare for our family exploratory trip will cost an estimated $3500. The SPLICE training for both families will be an approximately an additional $7,200. We know that He who called us is faithful and we trust Him to provide for all of our needs. If you might be able to partner with us with the financial aspect, tax deductible gifts can be mailed to Cherokee Hills Christian Church 6601 MacArthur Oklahoma city, OK 73132 with “Lenharts” in the memo line.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end… Haiti here we come”

2009-07-07T19:07:00.000-07:00

As a family in youth ministry for over a decade, the hardest part of our calling has hands down been the times when God has revealed to us it was time to move on and close a chapter with one church family to start another somewhere else. This last Sunday was bittersweet with for us as we shared with our church family the calling God has placed on our hearts to be in Haiti full time. Bitter because words can not express how much we love and adore the students we are serving alongside and can not count the ways this church family has made our lives so blessed. Sweet because we know that God has awesome things planned for our family, our future mission work in Haiti, and the body at Cherokee Hills Christian Church.

In case you were still celebrating the 4th of July and are currently out of the loop… On Sunday, Kurt (our pastor) announced that our family and the Lechtenberg family have felt a calling to become full time missionaries in Haiti and are currently in the process of making plans to do so. We are completely confident in our calling to Haiti yet still unsure as to which organization we would like to serve alongside. We are seriously praying about and considering two organizations in Haiti who do similar work there (lead short term mission trips, orphan care, church planting/support, and medical mission work). Regardless of what organization we end up serving with, we think the preparation (missionary training, budgeting/ fund raising efforts, language study) will take at least 6 months and could possibly take up to 2 years.

Jake and I instantly fell in love with the country of Haiti and the Haitian people on our first trip there in 2005. We joke that “Haiti had us at hello…” but it’s so true. We didn’t know if we would EVER recover from all the things God revealed to us during that trip. Our comfortable life was turned upside down by everything we saw and experienced there. Thankfully, we never did “get over” it… God changed our entire life goals from that point on. We have said that our retirement plan would include serving in Haiti but always saw serving in Haiti as something we would do when we “outgrew youth ministry” or when our kids were grown or at least off to college. Over the last several months, as God has revealed to us his calling over our lives, we have realized that we can not ask God to respect our “timetable” and conditions when it comes to serving Him. We also realized that our numerous short term mission trips there are at times as effective as trying to put a band-aid on knife wound, it may help for a while but if we want to be a part of lasting healing impact on Haiti, we need to be there full time. As God began laying this on our hearts, we tried to reason with him (ever hear the saying “wanna make God laugh, tell him your plan”). In that process, Jake asked God to do three things (if He was really calling us to full time mission work)…

1. Families, not individuals, are called into ministry/ mission work so Jake asked God to create a desire within my heart and our children’s heart for Haiti~ Like I said earlier, Haiti had me at hello, and even though I am the biggest girly girl and scaredy cat you will ever met, I could not be more on board with this. Drew (our 14 year old son) has always been excited about our plans to be there one day when he was grown but previously was NOT interested in going there full time himself. As Jake began praying through this element, almost overnight Drew approached us about living there full time. He came to us in tears on several different occasions just heartbroken and home sick for the people he met in Haiti last November and desiring to be there NOW. Ashlyn (our 11 year old daughter), although worried about staying connected with her circle of friends here (especially Gentry), is also on board and excited. Jimso (our 7 year old adopted son from Haiti) is as well…. Kurt joked on Sunday about having a sneaking suspicious that Jimso will somehow fit right in.

2. The mission field in a third world country can be a difficult and lonely place, so we asked that God would not send us out alone but would provide another American couple or family to join us on the field~ Again as we prayed through this, we waited on the Lord. One night in particular, Jake and I left a Monday night prayer service at church feeling completely burdened and broken over this calling God was placing on our hearts. We went to Starbucks after prayer to sort through and process some of what we were experiencing. I asked Jake if we could call Mark and Belinda and ask them to join us at Starbucks so they could be praying for us too. He said “no, let’s wait” and then not 5 minutes later… who should “happen” to walk into the very Starbucks we were at?? But Mark and Belinda. As we shared with them where we were feeling lead (nothing about the other couple part), they shared with us that God had placing the exact same call onto their lives. Again God provided what we were asking for in prayer with out us even having to approach people! As God is weaving this team He will be sending out together, I am amazed!! With the background Belinda and I have in nursing, Mark’s background in business/agriculture/ animal husbandry, and Jake’s construction/ ministry background… God is sending us out equipped to meet some of the most crucial needs of the Haitian population!

3. As we have read about serving in full time mission work, we have learned that over 70% of American missionaries are unable to fulfill their commitment and end up coming home prematurely. We also learned that having Godly wise counsel and organizational support PRIOR TO AND DURING can greatly increase the effectiveness of missionaries. So we asked God to send us that from the very beginning~ Remember that night at Starbucks? Kenny and Linda McDonald “happened” to be with Mark and Belinda and “happen” to share the same heart for mission work and Haiti in particular as we do. The McDonalds were a part of the team that went to Haiti with us last February and they were impacted by what they experienced there. Since that meeting at Starbucks, the McDonalds have been an essential part of our team and the planning process. They have been faithfully interceding for our families in prayer and have been giving us a lot of WISE counsel since that night several months ago. We feel so blessed that the McDonalds will continue to be a part of our team, only based stateside, through out this journey. As we have shared the news with our church leadership, they have been tremendously supportive and just an answer to prayer as we try to navigate our way through this. Leaving church on Sunday after sharing with our church family (the people we do life with) our future plans, I have never been more in love with the body of Christ or felt more supported within the protection and refuge of that body.

This decision has not been an easy one and hasn’t been one that we have made lightly or emotionally…. With that being said, we have never been more sure or more confident of God’s leading or calling in our entire lives. As time goes, we will share more about how God called us into this, the many ways He has reconfirmed this over and over, our prayer needs, and how you can help us. But I want to close with this bible verse and an entry from my prayer journal back in April….

Philippians 1:5-7 (New International Version)
"because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me.

“Lord my head is spinning right now with the things you have been pressing on our hearts and the new things you are stirring within us. Over and over you are confirming this calling to Haiti in a million random and unrelated ways. Now that we are indeed confident in the calling, there is a sense of deep peace mixed with chaos and fear. There are a million reasons why logically this is ridiculous and just plain crazy. I could come with an endless list of “cons” against moving my family there and there is more than enough evidence to justify not going BUT making this decision all comes down to this…. YOU HAVE CALLED US AND CREATED US TO DO THIS WORK! And all the fears and “cons” could never outweigh the calling and our desire to be obedient to you. THERE IS NO PLACE I WOULD RATHER BE THAN AT THE CENTER OF YOUR WILL FOR MY LIFE. At times I am overwhelmed with fear when I refuse to take captive every anxious thought. Yet I am secure knowing that the God who calls me is faithful. You have entrusted these three amazing and precious children to me and as a mom I want to protect them with every fiber of my being. But as much I love them and treasure their little hearts, my love for them is just a drop in the bucket compared to your love for them. And even more than wanting to protect them, I want to instill in these children a love for you and their fellow man. I can think of no better way to teach them this than to devote our entire lives work to serving others. Taking my family and packing up to live in a third world country is CRAZYINESS in the eyes of this world. But being disobedient to you and ignoring the needs that exist outside my comfortable life is even crazier to me. And even if that mean walking away from everything and everyone I love in this life, I will. I believe with all my heart that you have placed me in the position I am in (as a citizen of one the wealthiest nations, as an American educated nurse) for a reason and “for such a time as this”. I want to use all the resources you have given me to love on the “least of these” and to pour out my life as a drink offering to you. Jake and I prayed a dangerous prayer when we prayed that you would “break our heart for what breaks yours” and we do not want to waste our lives chasing after temporary things that do not matter in the end. Take my life and make it matter! The greatest tragedy in my eyes would be coming to the end of my life and realizing that I didn’t make a mark and living only for myself I did not impact your kingdom in the way I could have. I have been singing/praying these lyrics over and over “I don’t want to spend my whole life asking, what if I had given EVERYTHING, instead of going through the motions?” Lord today I am letting go of everything and surrendering completely to you and your calling over my life”

the gospel according to Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T16:06:00.000-07:00

I am slightly annoyed by the way our society rushes to push "sainthood status" on famous people upon their untimely deaths... but the recent coverage of Jackson's death has given me a trip down memory lane as I have been reminded of some brilliant lyrics the legend Michale Jackson introduced us to. So here is my version of the gospel according to Michael Jackson for what it is worth.

GOSPEL ACCORDING TO JACKSON- PART ONE:"MAN IN THE MIRROR" (my personal fav) was a number-one hit for singer Michael Jackson when released as a single in the spring of 1988. It is one of Jackson's most critically acclaimed songs and it was nominated for Record of the Year at the Grammy Awards. The message of it's lyrics speak for itself....

Gotta make a change
For once in my life
It's gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right

As I turned up the collar on
A favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin' my mind
I see the kids in the street
WITH NOT ENOUGH TO EAT
WHO AM I TO BE BLIND
PRETENDING NOT TO SEE THEIR NEEDS

A summer's disregard
A broken bottle top
And a one man's soul
They follow each other
On the wind ya' know
'Cause they got nowhere to go
That's why I want you to know

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change,

I've been a victim of
A selfish kinda love
It's time that I realize
There are some with no home
Not a nickel to loan
Could it be really pretending that they're not alone

A willow deeply scarred
Somebody's broken heart
And a washed out dream
(Washed out dream)
They follow the pattern of the wind ya' see
'Cause they got no place to be
That's why I'm starting with me

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
IF YOU WANT TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE
TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF AND THEN MAKE THAT CHANGE!

Although Jackson might have been just adding a spin to Gandhi's "Be the change you want to see in the world", theses lyrics have an undeniable biblical theme coming from James 2:22-24 that says, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does."

the giant in YOUR backyard... foster care

2009-06-24T08:43:00.000-07:00

“Let me introduce you to the giant standing in YOUR backyard…”

The last few days, the fatherless of our society has really been on my heart. On Thursday night, a friend and I attended a dinner/ informational meeting sponsored by DHS and the Office of Faith Based and Community Initiatives. The “Change a Child's Forever” campaign hosted a community meeting to discuss how faith congregations can become involved in foster care ministries. As a foster parent and a disciple of Jesus, I was challenged by what I heard and learned to do more. Let me introduce you to the giant (named OKDHS) in YOUR own backyard….

•114,492 children were reported as alleged victims of abuse and neglect in the state of Oklahoma last year alone

• 11,714 of those children were confirmed to be victims of child abuse and neglect last year

• In 2008, there were over 11,000 children in foster care in the state of Oklahoma and over 40% of those children were under the age of 4.

• In Oklahoma county, there are 1,685 children in DHS custody and ONLY 300 foster care homes (“the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few” Matthew 9:37)

• 60% of confirmed victims of abuse are 6 years old and younger (in OK)

• 64% are white, 17.6% black, and 16.8% Indian (in OK)

• The perpetrator of abuse is usually mom (45%) or dad (30%)- 75% of all cases (in OK)

• The type of abuse in Oklahoma can be broken down as follows: Neglect=84%, Physical Abuse= 12%, Sexual Abuse= 4%

• Top 6 reasons for neglect are as follows: substance abuse= 19.17%, threat of harm= 18.9%, failure to protect= 17.7%, exposure to domestic violence = 9.52%, inadequate or dangerous shelter= 9.52%, and lack of supervision= 7.53%

• This means that the typical child in the Oklahoma foster care system is a white 6 year old boy neglected due to parental substance abuse such as meth

As a foster mom, I leave almost every family court date and almost every encounter on my foster baby’s behalf juts completely frustrated and overwhelmed at the brokenness of our system and the ways it seems that these children are falling through the cracks. I kinda feel like David facing Goliath but without even one stone to throw. My heart hurts when I face statistics like those listed above that support the reality that MANY children are part of an epidemic that could be classified as a giant in our own backyard. So where is HOPE in statistics like these?

Throughout scripture, God’s tender heart towards the fatherless and orphaned is a recurring theme. He commands us as believers to care for and defend the poor and fatherless among us (Psalm 82:3, Psalm 10:17-18, Isaiah 1:17, Jeremiah 5:28, Zechariah 7:9-11, James 1:27). When I first moved to the great state of Oklahoma, I was taken back by the way there seems to be a church on VERY corner. But the way our state is flooded with believers actively involved in local church is where I believe our hope in defeating this giant sized problem can be found!!

Becoming a foster parent is not for everyone… but I believe we all can do something to love on the fatherless among us. Today on father’s day, think about what you can do to serve the giant in your own backyard….

Top 10 Things You Can
Do For A Foster Child:

10. Pray for the children in foster care and their families.

9. Collect birthday gifts for the foster children in your community.

8. Have a baby shower to collect baby essentials.

7. Collect luggage for foster children in transition (most children are forced to use trash bags when they move into new placements, what message does this send about their value and worth?)

6. Create toddler toy boxes.

5. Mentor a foster child.

4. Be an alternate caregiver for a foster family.

3. Contact your local OKDHS foster care specialist about specific needs in your community.

2. Host foster children’s visits with their birth families, support groups for foster parents, free child care nights out, or other events that support foster parents at your facility.

1. Become a foster parent or forever family for a child!!

YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO CHANGE THE WORLD, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD FOR ONE CHILD!!

Transition from WHERE there is no doctor... WHY there is no doctor??!!

2009-06-06T11:49:00.000-07:00

"Let us be the ones who say we do not accept that a child dies every three seconds simply because he does not have the drugs you and I have. Let us be the ones to say we are not satisfied that your place of birth determines your right to life. Let us be outraged, let us be loud, let us be bold!" ~actor Brad Pitt

"You can not comfort the afflicted without afflicting the comfortable." ~Princess Diana

On my very first medical mission trip to Haiti and fresh out of nursing school, I was introduced to this handy dandy book called "Where There Is No Doctor". Over the last several years, I have gotten a lot of invaluable information from that book that has helped us as we have navigate our way through numerous medical missions trips since that first trip back in 2005. Many consider "Where There Is No Doctor" their health bible when doing medical mission work. I carry it with me on every trip I take, and refer to it often. The information provided in this book is simple, straight forward, and easy to read. The finest academic medical preparation can not prepare an American health care workers for medical mission work in developing countries... we rely too much on our equipment, advanced technology, and almost indisposeable and readily available resources that when we are overwhelmed and struggle, to say the least, when we are throw into an environment without the comforts of our health care system. So books and resources like "Where There Is No Doctor" have attempted to bridge that gap and help ease the transition from modern medicine to the primitive medicine that exists in third world countries like Haiti. But as awesome and helpful as this book has proven to be... lately I have been thinking short term medical mission trips are as helpful as trying to put a band-aid on a sliced open pulmonary artery. And I am feeling that instead of relying on "Where There Is No Doctor" we should start asking "Why There Is No Doctor"??!

Our church and the teams we have sent have sponsored three medical clinics in Haiti in the last six months. We have seen over 300 patients in our make shift clinics (many who had never been to a doctor and who willing to wait all day to be seen). We treated a variety of ailments from bladder infections to malaria to severe malnourishment to tuberculosis.

The purpose for our most recent trip was an emergency tuberculosis clinic. We tested over 100 people in one community and had about 17 positive tests. In the course of trying to find follow up care for those who tested positive, we traveled one day to a hospital about 2 hours away from the orphanage where we worked. The road to the hospital is ROUGH terrain.... but worth every bump along the way because I have been forver changed by what I saw that day.

Anyone who has watched any amount of late night TV has surely seen the commercials for organizations like Christian Child Fund depicting what life is like for starving children with swollen bellies promoting child sponsorship programs... and although through our travels to Haiti, I have seen some children who could be classified as severely malnourished, NOTHING could have prepared my heart for what I would see in that pediatric unit in that hospital! We saw children who were completely emaciated and literally wasting away. I watched a father painfully feed his almost unconscious lethargic son a protein fortified formula with tears in his eyes and I have have never prayed so earnestly for healing in my life.

As a nurse, as I watched auxiliary nurses move from patient to patient with no hand washing or gloves, it almost killed me to see the lack of infection control that existed in that ward. I think our beloved Florence Nightingale would be turning in her grave at some of the practices there. As a mom, my heart broke in a million pieces, as I saw the looks on worried parents faces at the children's bedside. But as American, I felt a kind of indescribable shame, as I watched children dying of COMPLETELY PREVENTABLE AND TREATABLE CONDITIONS.

Coming home and trying to process what we saw and experienced has left me with more questions than answers. Like why are some American actors more active is fighting the diseases and injustices of extreme poverty than some American Christians are? And what is my piece of this puzzle and where is my responsibility in it? But most of all why is there no doctor? And how can we right the wrongs of health care in developing countries?

"When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her. It happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed." ~ Mother Teresa

"It's the greatest poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish" ~ Mother Teresa

Haiti Flag Day... National Pride in the Midst of Extreme Poverty

2009-06-06T11:08:00.001-07:00

Here is another snapshot of our last trip to Haiti....

During our last trip to Haiti, we got to experience our first flag day there. May 18th is a national holiday in which Haitian people celebrate their nation and their flag which is indisputably a symbol of great pride. If a picture is worth a thousands words.. I'll let these pictures speak volumes about the pride that exists within Haitian hearts and keep this blog post short and sweet.

The children at the orphanage and school in Fedja celebrated by making flags and participating in a parade in Mirebalais. Before the parade, Jake preached a sermon about freedom in Christ and the significance of being free from bondage of sin.

I am reading some books on Haitian history and community development there... and have learned so much about the people who have stolen my heart. Haitian was founded in 1804 by former slaves after an extraordinary revolution against their French oppressors. Haiti once stood as a beacon of hope and inspiration for colonized people but is notorious in today's society for the desperate poverty of its people and the violent instability of its state. I have seen a survivor mentality exist among some of the sweet brothers and sisters I have meet there as they daily make gut wrenching decisions that I will never be faced with. One sweet woman shared her heart as her children were given the opportunity to go school and have their uniforms, books, and tuition paid for... yet she was torn because she was unsure about her families livelihood as going to school meant having less help working in the families farming fields. Their land is eroding, their bodies are exhausted and malnourished,they disease stricken from many preventable and treatable conditions that have been long eradicated from developed nations, and YET THEY HAVE A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF HOPE AND PRIDE IN THEIR NATION!

As someone who has spent time serving the precious people of Haiti, I am blown away and humbles by their pride in their fragmented country and their indomitable spirit is contagious!

Girl effect... THIS IS MY GIRL!!

2009-06-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

Do not read any more until you have finished watching the video below....

I saw this "girl effect" video at the medical mission conference I went to this weekend. When the video asked you to imagine a girl in a poverty, I immediately thought of this precious girl named O'Chelley. If I had a suitcase large enough, I definitely would have brought her home with me a long time ago.

Let me introduce you... she's pretty much amazing!! She lives at the orphanage we work with in Haiti. She is shy at first but once you get to know her, you will soon discover that she has one of the most sweet, gentle, and precious spirits ever. She is one of the older girls at the orphanage and is definitely the mother hen of the group. She ALWAYS has a little posse of girls following her around wherever she goes... not just because she is a natural born leader but also because she is so attentive to their needs. In the morning, she starts her day early with helping the younger girls dress,making sure all they get their teeth brushed, and their hair done(and everyday there is a HUGE line for her hair styling services). At meal times, she can be found feeding one or even two babies on her lap. The only time she is not focused on caring and loving her "baby chicks" is the 3 or 4 hours a day she attends school. I have seen her on several occasions with a lap full of children reading them "Amelia Bedelia" or a torn up "Beginners Bible". In the evenings before bed, she leads ALL of the girls in the most beautiful and precious song time. While GVCM employs nannies to care for the children, O'Chelley works equally as hard (if not harder) at the daunting task of caring for all 57 children. Although she is an orphan herself and has never been given the gift of a nurturing mothering role model, at the tender age of 9, she is the "momma" to more children than you could imagine. Like I said, she is pretty much amazing!

Driving back from Kansas City,my friend Belinda and I were talking about our some of the kids who stole our hearts in Haiti... and she has this brilliant idea of sending our little O'Chelley to nursing school one day.

A few days ago, I blogged about my first Haitian wedding and the heart break I felt watching the bride require assistance signing her marriage license because she was unable to read and write. And honestly I felt numb and overwhelmed... some issues in life are too big for one person to tackle. I can not teach millions of illiterate women in Haiti to read! But I can profoundly impact one girl's life who can profoundly impact another girl's life and so on and so on.

Knowing what I know about developing nations and having seen the devastation of extreme poverty with my own eyes, it easy to become overwhelmed at the magnitude of injustices. But there is so much hope for nations like Haiti because of girls like O' Chelley!!

Who is you girl? Who will you invest in? Don't have one.... it's no big deal, JUST HUMANITY!

My Big Fat Haitian Wedding?!

2009-05-26T13:49:00.000-07:00

Here's another snapshot from our time in Haiti a few weeks ago....

Being a sentimental romantic sap, I love me a good wedding!!! So I was thrilled to learn the day after we arrived in Haiti, there was a wedding at the church and we were invited!! In fact, we were even asked to be the wedding photographers lol. Looking back, I am laughing at myself because when we were first invited to the wedding, Belinda and I's first reaction was "but what will we wear?" (because our luggage hadn't arrived and yet and we were pretty ripe on day 2 without clean clothes). Even though I didn't understand a word of the ceremony, I could not hold back the tears from flowing but not for the reasons one might think.

The price tag of an average American wedding is $22,000. Americans spend an alarming $72,000,000,000 annually on weddings (that's a lot of zero's). We have created a lucrative industry out of something God intended to be beautiful and sacred. The urban slang dictionary describes one aspect of this industry, known as Bridezilla, as "a new breed of soon-to-wed women who abuse the idea that weddings are their 'day.'They terrorize their bridal party and family members, make greedy demands and break all rules of etiquette, to insure that they are the single most important person on the planet from the time they are engaged to the time they are married."

Yet on that Saturday afternoon, I saw the polar opposite of an American bridezilla. Instead of a couple caught up in planning and preparations of a wedding, I saw a couple caught up in the planning and preparation of a Christ centered marriage. Everything from the decorations (which consisted only of colorful chains of links of construction paper)to the one vase of silk flowers screamed simplicity and beauty. Most of the ceremony was similar to an American wedding but just much more simple and casual. The bride and groom sit facing each other while the best man and maid of honor sit by their sides. The most beautiful sight of all was the bride and groom, best man and maid of honor, literally kneeling on the church floor in heartfelt prayer together!

After the groom and kissed the bride(and the audience erupted in laughter,) it was time to sign the marriage certificate. As the photographer lol, I wanted to capture this in a picture. But as I watched the bride struggle to hold a pen much less write her name, the picture of illiteracy in Haiti was burned on my heart as I watched the Pastor sign the bride's name for her because she could not. My heart physically ached for the bride because of what may have been the best day of her life, she was reminded of the reality that she could not read or write. I then watched the mother of bride require assistance signing her name as well and the portrait of cultural and generational illiteracy was etched onto my heart.

As an avid reader and writer, if I woke up tomorrow morning and somehow lost my ability my read and write, that would be near torture for me. Yet 55% of Haitian (more than half) can not read or write. According to UNICEF, more than half of the nation's children fail to reach the fifth grade, and only one in five young people reach secondary school. As a bachelors degree prepared nurse (who has been considering going back to school to work on my master's in nursing), I am humbled when I think about how easy my education was to access (THANKS DAD!). And as I try to wrap my mind around how different my life and the beautiful bride's life must be, I can't help but to wonder why I have been so blessed?

As my heart broke over the bride's lack of education and beautifully humble heart... I thought of quote I heard years ago.... "How many Rosa Parks or Marie Curies have we lost to poverty? How many Maya Angelous or Sandra Day O'Connors never had a chance to learn? How many Mother Teresas have lost hope due to neglect and abuse?"

Spending time in a third world country is always a dose of reality and gut check for me. It makes me wonder why I have been given the resources I have been given and what God wants to me to do about the injustices I see in the world. It also has made us examine ridiculous ways we have spent our money in the past. And yet the more time I spend in Haiti, the more I think WE can learn from THEM (instead of the reverse) and their humble nuptials are just the tip of the iceberg.

PS the morning after the big fat Haitian wedding happened to fall on a Sunday and our sweet bride and groom where spotted on the front row of church... when most couples would be on their honeymoon, they were building a marriage foundation on the rock!!

Feet don't fail me now...

2009-05-22T15:20:00.000-07:00

Instead of trying to condense our entire trip to Haiti in one blog... this time I am going to try to to give you snapshots of our experiences there :-)

When we went to Haiti in last November, my friend Belinda instantly fell in love with two little neighborhood boys named Ebby and Tiken. Ebby and Tiken's mother passed away several years ago and they have never known their father. When we visited in November, we found them severely malnourished and being cared for by their maternal grandmother who could barely even care for herself. Grandma worked all day at the market leaving the boys (ages 3 and 6)by themselves all day long. Belinda and her daughter Shelby felt an instant connection to the boys and after talking to her husband when they returned in December, they began pursuing adopting the boys with their grandmother's blessing.

But unfortunately their grandma moved sometime between our last visit and us going back last week. We knew they moved but we had no idea where or how to find them. Belinda had resigned herself to the fact that finding the boys and being reunited with them last week would be difficult, if not impossible.... but when we landed in Haiti we started praying that somehow God would lead us to them and she could see them if even just for a brief moment.

The first morning we were there, I asked the other neighborhood boys if they knew where Ebby and Tiken were at. One of the older boys (Watson) kept pointing in the distance and saying something but the language barrier that existed left us as clueless as to their whereabouts as ever. We eventually found a translator who told us that Watson knew where they moved but we couldn't get there by walking so we loaded up in the truck with Watson in tow, hoping and praying that somehow this kid would be able to lead us to the boys.

A few short miles away, we found a cluster of hut homes. Belinda barely waited for the truck to stop before literally jumping out and sprinting across a valley to where the hut home was. The home was empty but never underestimate a determined mom... a few seconds later, we see the boys in the distance walking back, bare naked, from bathing in the creek. And once again Belinda took off running to them. As soon as the boys realized that the "blanc" running towards them was Belinda, they too began sprinting to be reunited. The pictures above are the three of them shortly after being reunited :-)

It was a beautiful scene and I feel blessed that through my tears I was able to witness this unfolding!! It reminded me how powerful and determined a mother's heart can be. International adoption are a constant up and down roller ride of emotions that can not be described to someone who has not experienced it themselves. There are so many hurdles that an adoptive mom must cross but with the determination of a marathon runner, an adoptive mom is an unstoppable force that can not be contained!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=demRHgul2Zk

But seeing Belinda's unwavering determination as she has faced many hurdles in this adoption already (ones that go WAY beyond them just moving), I am reminded of how RELENTLESS God was in pursuing and chasing me. He chased me when I was chasing the things of this world to find the love I so desperately needed! Belinda loves those boys so much that she will do whatever it takes for them to legally become her own children and to improve their quality of life by giving them a loving and nurturing home. God- who loves you and I so much that pursued you until you became one of his children- desires to have an intimate and life-giving relationship with you and I. And eventually, we will be at the point in our journey when we are running towards Him instead of away from Him...the more I know of His great love for me, the more I am compelled to run to Him frequently and zealously!

Please continue to pray for Belinda, Ebby, and Tiken as they continue on this journey!

God's faithfulness in lost luggage...

2009-05-22T05:56:00.000-07:00

Arriving at the Port Au Prince (PAP)airport can be VERY overwhelming for someone who is a PAP virgin but as we stepped off the airplane into the humid and tropical climate that greeted us Haiti, I was feeling oh so CONFIDENT. I knew what to expect after traveling there so much lately... I knew that there would be no organized exiting the aircraft and people would push their way to whatever exit struck their fancy regardless of whether it was behind them and would completely disrupt the flow of traffic. I knew to expect a long hot line going through customs where most people would completely disregard line etiquette and cut in front of you if they felt worthy. I knew that finding your luggage on the one and only baggage carousal was nothing short of a miracle and pushing your way through the hoards of anxious travelers to grab your suitcase would be difficult even for a NFL defensive linemen. I knew that a dozen men would try to carry my luggage (expecting a huge tip in return) and an ASSERTIVE "No Merci!" (aka "No thank you!") was my only hope of avoiding a hefty token of "gratitude" or outbreak of world war III. Yep knowing all this gave me a false sense of confidence that buzzing in and out of PAP would be a breeze... but I was sorely mistaken.

For starters, apparently Haiti was decided to jump on the H1N1 band wagon and even though they have a million other "legitimate" health crisis' on their hands... they now require each traveler to answer a questionnaire in customs assessing the likelihood you might be a swine flu carrier. The questionnaire is completely in French but with the help of a Creole dictionary and some savvy nursing knowledge we passed that hurdle and made our way to the baggage claim area.... only to find that half of our luggage had NOT made it's way to PAP. Being the mature and selfless person I am (lol, as if) I was thrilled to see that the luggage that had found its way to PAP was Jake's suitcases and the suitcases containing my clean clothes and toiletries (and Belinda's) were just stuck in Miami. I had to laugh at the irony of the fact that Jake's luggage made it, even though he would be perfectly happy not showering or having clean clothes all week, but mine didn't and I am the biggest hyigenetically correct, clean freak, germ- a- phob- person you will ever meet. Not gonna lie, I REALLY thought I needed clean clothes and deordant at that point but God knew what we truly needed and in His providence and faithfulness provided.

Yet this lost luggage was our first opportunity to taste God's faithfulness on the trip.... you see Jake had packed the TB test vials and syringe's in his suitcase. The vials were ice packed and needed to be refrigerated. If his luggage had not made it to PAP, due to lack of refrigeration, we would not have been able to test anyone for TB and our sole purpose of the trip would have failed miserably. In allowing Jake's suitcase containing the iced vials to make it to PAP, God's providence was once again meeting us at every step of our journey.

Last week, Jake finished up a series with the youth group called "Do Hard Things". Something he said last Wednesday really resonated with me... he said that "God is WAY more concerned about growing in my faith and relationship with Him than in my momentary comfort and pleasure!!" God never promised us a comfortable life and if we choose comfort over our calling, we just might miss out on some of the greatest adventures of our life!!

The lost luggage and my resulting brief moment of being uncomfortable (and quite stinky and dirty) was totally worth it because it allowed me to be stretch in faith and trust in His providence a little more. It also allowed to feel just a little of what it must be like to walk in the shoes of those we served... and for that I am so thankful!! And was even more thankful when our luggage arrive last the next night and I was able to shower 48 hours later :-)

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then this rough one of me might just be pretty valuable.... and you could smell me from a mile away at that point as well.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen." Philippians 4:19,20

Feels like coming home

2009-05-21T07:13:00.000-07:00

Last week, Jake and I went on an impromptu medical mission trip to Haiti along with another dear friend of ours named Belinda who is also a nurse. Early the previous week, Pastor Yves (the missionary we support in Haiti) called and shared with us the heart breaking news that one of the little orphans girls has been diagnosed with TB. GVCM needed a few nurses to come down and test all of the children at living the orphanage and the adult staff who work there as well. We were able to perform TB skin test on about 100 people in the community (orphanage and deaf school), of the 100 we tested, 17 had a positive TB skin tests. Those who tested positive and have accompanying symptoms (night sweats, fever, weight loss, cough etc)will now have chest x-rays and sputum cultures done to identify what kind of TB they may have. All the children and staff are now being treated prophylactic with INH for three months since they all have been exposed.

Haiti has the highest per capita tuberculosis burden in Latin American and the Caribbean. After HIV/ AIDS, TB is the country's greatest infectious cause of mortality in BOTH children and adults. Because of the malnourishment that exist among the Haitian population, their immune systems are weakened making them even MORE vulnerable to TB related deaths . A leading killer of children in Haiti, tuberculosis, commonly referred to as TB, is a bacterial infection that can spread through the lymph nodes and bloodstream to any organ of the body, but is usually found in the lungs. Because the bacteria that cause tuberculosis are transmitted through the air, the disease can be quite contagious. Tuberculosis thrives in conditions of poverty and overcrowded living conditions (that exist in housing such as the orphanage). Strong stigma and cultural barriers attached to TB make case detection and adherence to treatment VERY difficult.

Even though we had little time to prepare and plan for this trip, God was completely faithful to us. It's impossible to summarize all the amazing ways we tasted God's faithfulness and saw his glory on display through what we experienced in one blog so I think I'll take my time and just share a little at a time instead of condensing it all to one blog note.... But one thing that always amazes me is how at home I feel in Haiti. I am one of the biggest girly girls you will ever meant so spending time in a third world country is soooo far beyond my comfort zone it's not funny. Yet when I step off that plane I feel like I am coming home. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would feel soooo at home in a third world country but I do. Being there feels so out of my element but feels like home at the same time. And even as I write this now, my heart hurts as it longs for Haiti....

Seattle sunshine while saying good-bye to Baby Hope

2009-04-16T12:09:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to post some pictures from our time in Washington for Hope's Memorial Service... last summer when we visited it was cloudy and rainy everyday (we didn't even get the opportunity to see the mountains once) but incredibly it was sunny EVERYDAY this time :-) I'd like to think of it as just one more blessing from our precious baby Hope!

"About Midnight" moments in life

2009-04-08T10:46:00.000-07:00

I have experienced a whirlwind of emotions this last two weeks. My heart has physically hurt with heart break, I have cried until I was numb and yet there have been moments of laughing so hard with my family that I couldn’t even speak, much less breathe. I have been amazed at the capacity of the human heart to love and let go, submit and surrender to God’s sovereignty, and forgive and give grace freely.

I have spent the last several months studying the book of Esther through a study by Beth Moore called “Esther- its tough being a woman”. About a week before baby Hope passed away, one of the day’s homework dealt with fear and in particular what we feared most. Beth encouraged those doing the study to safe to voice our worst nightmare to God and to trust Him. Not necessarily trust Him to let us avoid what we fear most but to trust Him no matter what, even if our worst nightmare becomes reality. We were asked to fill in the blank with our great fear. If (insert greatest fear ) then God’s going to demonstrate His sufficiency to me. Without even thinking, I filled in the blank with one of my biggest fears… losing someone I love. Little did I know, that one of my biggest fears was about to fall into my path. (After talking to a few others doing the study that also had their worst fears realized after doing that activity, I strongly suggest Beth Moore place a disclaimer on that day’s homework warning that if you may indeed be tested in this…) But over the last few weeks, as we have said goodbye to our precious 21 day old niece, God has been faithfully and proven that He will take care of us, He has a plan, desires/ purposes to accomplish something monumental in us, and He has definitely demonstrated His sufficiency even in the midst of severe suffering.

As much as I cherish God’s word, there are parts of the bible that really just annoy the crap out of me at times. I never fully understood how James could honestly say “consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of faith develops perseverance.” (James 1:2-3) I have never been at the place in my faith journey where I can honestly say that I would welcome trials, testing, or suffering. Hindsight I can usually admit that what it developed within me made the suffering worth it. But I can’t say I am at the place in my life where I welcome testing and suffering with joy…. And yet the bible is full of examples of people who responded to suffering with joy and praise. I have always been amazed at a passage in Acts 16, where the apostle Paul had been stripped, beaten, flogged, and thrown in prison. Yet in the face of severe suffering (deeper than any I have ever known or probably will ever know), his response was one of PRAISE.

“They brought them before the magistrates and said, "These men are Jews, and are throwing our city into an uproar by advocating customs unlawful for us Romans to accept or practice." The crowd joined in the attack against Paul and Silas, and the magistrates ordered them to be stripped and beaten. After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully. Upon receiving such orders, he put them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks. About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everybody's chains came loose.”

Reading those passages many times, I have always wondered “really? Who does that? Who in their right mind can be in the midst of suffering singing praise?” The night before Hope’s memorial service I saw a living example of that kind of praise filled response to human suffering. My brother had asked two worship leaders to lead us in some worship songs at Hope’s service. These guys (both ironically serving as worship leaders at churches in Wichita named HOPE) had never met so Aaron invited them over to his apartment to meet each other, pick out songs, and practice the night before the service. And for literally HOURS, these guys sat in Aaron’s living room just singing praise to the God who had given us baby Hope and who had also chosen to take her away from us. And there was my little brother who was about to lay to rest his precious baby girl, just SINGING HIS HEART OUT!!! We were working on the final arrangements/details for the memorial service (ironing clothes, writing the Eulogy, putting the finishing touches on Hope’s shadow box and painting) and our background noise was heart filled worship from a hurting father about to say good-bye to infant daughter. When most parents would be questioning God or just grieve stricken, my brother chose to instead respond with praise to our good God, which was eerily similar to Paul’s response in Acts. I have never been MORE proud of someone than I am of my brother right now.That night before Hope’s service, I literally feel asleep ABOUT MIDNIGHT listening to several Godly men PRAYING AND SINGING HYMNS TO GOD! That night, I slept like a baby for the first night in over a week and I will cherish that night for the rest of my life.

“About Midnight” lyrics~ Sarah Kelly
At about midnight I'll call
At about midnight I'll call out your name
I need you beside me
Through these seasons of change

At about midnight
Awaiting the dawn
I'll find contentment
Singing your song

Here in the valley
Shadows lead the way
Where the past meets today
Where the past meets today

Seasons come and they go
Seasons come and they go like the night
Because you are with me
Things will turn out alright

At about midnight
Awaiting the dawn
I'll find contentment
Singing your song

Here in the valley
Shadows lead the way
Yes I know that you're with me now

I don't understand this path I'm on
Like I'm looking down at the sun
All turned around again
All turned around again

At about midnight
Awaiting the dawn
I'll find contentment
Singing your song

So at about midnight I'll call
At about midnight I'll call out your name

I love Easter and being reminded at this time of the year of the resurrection power of our God!! In Philippians 3:10 Paul says, “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in death“ I think most believers (myself included) are all about taping into the power of the resurrection yet none of us REALLY want to sign up to share in the suffering. But as someone who has been living in a season of suffering the last few weeks, I can honestly say that there is great joy, contentment, and even fellowship filled moments of belly laughs in the “about midnight” moments of life!!

Eulogy from Hope's Memorial Service

2009-04-06T20:41:00.000-07:00

• Entered our world on March 1 2009 at 3:57am. Entered heaven March 22 at 7:10pm (the dash on a tombstone represents the life lived by that person). Hope’s dash lasted a short 21 days but she impacted the world more in just 21 days than most people do in an entire lifetime!!

• Throughout Hope’s journey she has referred to as our “warrior princess” and that is EXACTLY what this little girl was, she was a warrior princess! A warrior is defined as one who is engaged or experiencing a battle. Hope and her precious parents were in a battle from the time of Hope’s diagnosis until she went to be Jesus. They lived 24/7 in the most intense battle of their lives for her life for the last two months. I CAN NOT EXPRESS HOW PROUD I AM OF THEIR EFFORTS AND THE WAY THEY FOUGHT THIS BATTLE WITH SO MUCH GRACE, SO MUCH COURAGE, AND SO MUCH FAITH! Aaron is the baby of our family and he takes a lot of teasing as the baby, but he demonstrated more strength and more steadiness than any man or Daddy in his shoes could ever. Throughout the process, our family stayed in close contact through phone calls and such. And after each phone call, we all were blown away at Aaron and Sara’s strength. We would call them hoping to encourage and build them up and hang up being completely humbled because usually they were the ones encouraging us instead!

•When one loses a spouse, they are called a widow or widower. When one loses a parent, they are called an orphan. But there are no words to describe the grief of losing a child. Unfortunately this is not the first infant our family has buried long before we felt it was their time leave. Part of the grief we feel as Aaron and Sara’s family and friends is the loss of what might have been though Hope’s life. Knowing what amazing and beautiful people Aaron and Sara are, Hope was destined to be do great things but God had other plans and He REALLY used her short 21 days on earth to minster to her world in ways that will last lifetimes.

• But although baby Hope has left us, Hope has not left us. Hope is defined as a confident expectation. Those who are believers in Jesus and the power of the promise of the cross, we grieve differently than the rest of the world… simply on the foundation of Hope in the promise of the cross and the promise of a faithful God who has told us that one day we will be reunited with Him and our lost loved ones.

• The day after Hope passed away, I had a long conversation with Aaron and he was so full of Hope it amazed me. We talked about Jesus the night before his death (Jesus prayer). When Aaron and Sara received Hope’s diagnoses, they were determined not to let her illness be in vain. They wanted God’s glory is to be on display in Hope’s life. I was 100% confident in that the fact that God knew how many curly brown hairs were on Hope’s head and that He knew how to fix her heart and He was going to bring complete healing. We all wanted God’s glory to be displayed through healing Hope’s heart! Yet God choose to reveal his glory not in her healing but in her death and we are ok with that!

• As we learned about Hope’s death, we eventually came to a place of submission. Although the end result wasn’t what we asked for and planned, God’s fingerprints and faithfulness were all over this entire journey!! From the way, he provided for Aaron and Sara’s needs at every juncture on this journey to the way in which He brought us comfort and peace in the midst of walking thru the valley of the shadow of death. God’s glory has been on display throughout the entire story of Hope Elizabeth Maus life and even in her death.

• Shortly after Hope condition was diagnosis, Aaron had a dream one night with Jonah playing and dancing with his sister Hope…. I thought we would see that dream become reality on this side of heaven but I was wrong! We will see the two of them together dancing one day; we are going to have to wait just a little longer than we expected.

• I know many of the family were not able to meet Hope in person but that the fact they never met her doesn’t reflect the amount of love and affection they held for this precious baby. I know in the first few days after Hope’s passing, we struggled with the fact she just wanted one opportunity to hold her. Hope had two loving aunts, three uncles, and LOTS of great aunts and uncles and cousins who loved her to pieces! One of my favorite things about being an aunt is the ability to hold and cuddle our nephews and then hand them over to mom when they get fussy or tired. One of my favorite things about being an uncle is our ability to spoil the crap out of them, get them loud and obnoxious toys, and then send them home to Mom and Dad when the party is over. In some ways, as family is natural to feel cheated out of those fun family moments. But even though we were not able to hold Hope on this side of heaven, we have assurance that one day we will and we can eagerly look forward to that precious day!

• In that phone call with Aaron the day after Hope’s passing, we always talked about the concept of time to us. (2 Peter 3:8). I am thankful that the God we serve is SO BIG that He can not be bound by time as know it. Today we grieve because we didn’t feel like we had enough time with Hope. But as believers in eternal salvation, we KNOW that we will spend eternity with her and that our time here on earth WITHOUT her doesn’t even compare to the amount of time we will spend WITH her in eternity! When we lose a loved one, its human nature to want to question God and ask “WHY?!” “Aaron and Sara love you with their entire beings God, why would you choose not to heal their innocent precious baby? How can a loving God allow suffering?” But I have not heard Aaron and Sara ask God “why” once! Psalm 115:3 says “Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.” So today or tomorrow or next month, if you feel surrounded by grief and want to question God…Remember the answer to our questions of why is ALWAYS simply this: because He’s God and we are not! His ways and his thoughts and plans are always higher and better than ours. This question remains.. “can you worship a God who isn’t obligated to explain His actions to you? Could it be our arrogance that makes us think God owes us an explanation?” Aaron and Sara love and serve a God that is so big and so great, our puny little brains can’t understand him at times and we only limit God when we insist on making Him small enough for us to understand.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Brought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

Hope Endures

2009-04-04T10:15:00.001-07:00

with a fragile heart this hope was born
and then one night our hearts were torn
the miracle of a normal life
would be worth the days and sleepless nights

rise up and walk? take on eagle's wings?
through Chirst can we truly do all things?
when hearts are broken by realized fears
promises blur through a veil of tears

were prayers unanswered, or worse, ignored?
where was this good and loving Lord?

sometimes it seems the fate of a man
is to contemplate, not understand

when hope seems lost and tears run dry,
when exhausted minds stop wondering why
eyes turn north and look to see that
on golden streets, in Jesus' lap

HOPE ENDURES

written by Dr. Lu, one of Baby Hope's cardiologist

time for a trade in...

2009-03-24T22:41:00.000-07:00

“Opting for the trade in offer…”

The last few days have been some of the most difficult days I have ever faced. Since losing Hope on Sunday evening, I haven’t been sleeping much at all because I am losing the battle to every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ and I can’t seem turn my brain/ thoughts off long enough to get any solid amount of sleep. This morning I was feeling pretty low and just wanted to stay in bed, cry, and be left alone completely. I was determined to rearrange my day, clear my schedule, graciously bow out of my commitments, and just sulk ALL day long. I wanted to cry it out and honestly was determined to be in a bad mood and pissed off about the circumstances we are currently facing. We were completely convinced that God would show up and show off His glory through healing our little Hope. Instead He has chosen to show His glory through her death. Although I know that God’s ways are higher than mine and His plans are perfect, I wanted to stew in my grief for a brief moment or all day long which ever came first.

But God had other plans because as soon as Jake left for work, the baby woke up and demanded her daily morning cuddles (which just so happens to be my favorite time of the day on most days). And so we took our blankies and began to snuggle in the recliner but instead of turning on the TV (I was in such a foul mood, I refused to stomach the “Wiggles”), we plugged my I-pod into the speakers and put it on shuffle. Music has an uncanny way of ministering to my heart in a way that I can’t even express. The first few songs that played were God ordained… “Every Season” by Nichole Nordeman and then “Times” by Tenth Avenue North. I love that song especially the part that says,

I hear you say "my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and *are tempted* to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
I'm there through your heartache
I'm there in the storm
my love I will keep you by my power alone
I don’t care where you've fallen, where you have been
I’ll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends”

God completely broke my heart (and my determination to be in an ugly mood) with “Beauty for Ashes” by Shane and Shane. The lyrics of this beautiful song mirror the scripture found in Isaiah 61:2-4…. Which says “to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.” Through those verses and those lyrics God was offering a trade in deal I could not refuse…

beauty for ashes
a garment of praise for my heaviness
beauty for ashes
take this heart of stone and make it Yours,

I delight myself in the Richest of Fair
trading all that I’ve had for all that is better
a garment of praise for my heaviness
You are the greatest taste
You're the richest of fair

After listening to those songs and spending some time cuddling the most precious baby girl in the world, I became determined to face the day and whatever hurts and difficult moments it held. Only a fool would hold onto anger and despair when our loving God is offering healing, beauty, and gladness in its place. I hauled my booty to bible study and allowed God’s word to speak even more healing over my hurting heart. Hosea 6:1-3 offers more powerful healing promises, “Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us that we may live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth."

This weekend is our annual Y-Shua Retreat with the students in our youth group. We go to this beautiful facility and stay in log cabins and take in some incredible scenery. It’s one of my favorite things we do with our youth group ALL year. This year theme is “TRADER” and we will be challenging our students to let go of things they are holding onto and trade those things in for what God is calling them to grab a hold of. Guess God had some things we wanted to speak over my heart about being a trader before the weekend even started!!

Lessons from Hope~ Heaven's newest angel baby

2009-03-24T22:38:00.000-07:00

my sister had an amazing gift for written communication so I wanted to share a final update on Hope that she wrote.....

I apologize for the delay in getting out an update on Hope. It has taken me over 48 hours to be able to find the words. Sadly, I am learning that even for me (an inherent communicator), there are times when words do not come easy. I wanted to make my last update about Hope perfect...I wanted it to inspire, to encourage, and to fully encapsulate the spirit of our little princess warrior. But now I realize that there are no words that will ever do that little girl justice. No words can ever tell the story of how much she meant to her family (most of whom she never met); how many lives she impacted in the three short weeks she spent in a children's hospital in Michigan; and how long-lasting and significant we know her gifts to us will remain.

On Sunday, March 22, Hope was resting in the arms of her two grandma's in her hospital room while her mommy, daddy, and little brother Jonah were back at the hotel taking a nap. Without warning, she started turning blue and unfortunately not even a team of the country's most skilled doctors for this condition were able to save her life. Obviously, there is heartbreak . But what there is not is anger. Maybe it will come, as I know that grief manifests itself in strange ways. However, Hope's parents are choosing to focus on her legacy, knowing that there was a reason that God chose this path for her and only in time will that answer be revealed.

Tomorrow Aaron and Sara will meet with a team of doctors to "debrief". On Thursday there will be a memorial service in Michigan so that they can celebrate Hope's life with people who they've just recently met, yet have been their rock during this time in their lives. They will make long drive back to Kansas over the weekend and a memorial will be held in Wichita on Thursday. The tentative plan is for them to fly out to Seattle on Friday for Hope's burial service. After much deliberation, Aaron and Sara have decided to have Hope buried in Washington. It has always been their intention to move out to the Pacific Northwest, therefore they have decided to lay their daughter to rest here. Me, Scott, and the kids plan on taking a little field trip on Saturday across the Sound to the Hood Canal to seek out a tranquil and beautiful spot for our niece and cousin. Selfishly, I am comforted with the knowledge that Hope will be put to rest so close to us. I have visions of me and the kids planting flowers at her grave and singing her "Somewhere Out There"...a song that I used to sing to Aaron all the time when we were kids. I know that we never were able to meet her in the physical sense, but being trusted with such an awesome responsibility will be something that we will forever cherish. (Jake and I are also attempting to make arrangements to fly out to Seattle with Aaron and Sara so that our small tight knit family can stay goodbye together and celebrate the beauty of the Hope's life)

Over the last few days, we have experienced moments of God's grace illustrated in various ways: The joy of a two-year-old big brother who until now had been unable to even touch his baby sister, now being able to kiss all over her cheeks; the innocent candor of Sam who during his prayers on Sunday night said, "Dear God, Please help my baby cousin Hope to have FUN tonight in heaven!"; the healing that comes from laughing with a friend about her grandfather and Hope meeting in heaven and watching college hoops this weekend, with the strict instruction from me that under no circumstances is the North Carolina fan Papa to persuade Hope to stray from her Jayhawk roots (remember sweet Hope, Roy is evil :)). It is in these moments that strength is gained and clarity defined.

Thank you to everyone for your prayers and words of encouragement over the last few months. I speak without reservation when I say that Aaron and Sara have been so lifted up by everyone's support. I am going to close with words from an email that Sara sent last Friday night after her and Aaron had went to dinner to celebrate their 5-year-anniversary. After enduring hospital cafeteria food for the last few weeks, Aaron wanted to get out of the hospital and enjoy a nice dinner. Imagine their surprise when nearly their entire meal was comped after the manager and owner learned the reason that they were in Michigan. Sara ended her story about their evening with the following paragraph.

We left amazed by yet another day that we were overwhelmingly blessed and cared for by God. I have never felt less control over my life nor more taken care of. Every single day we are reminded that He has not left us, such grace we have seen on our lives since we've been here. I think every day of my life has been filled with them but I had failed to acknowledge them until these days when I have no choice but to hope in them. We then went to the hospital to thank Hope for opening our eyes to a loving Father.

Straight from Grandma's arms into the arms of Jesus

2009-03-23T07:49:00.001-07:00

Last night we got the phone call we have been dreading.... Hope suddenly took a turn for the worse and passed away early yesterday evening. She had been doing so incredibly well and was even stable enough to be moved into a "regular" room earlier that day. Aaron and Sara had left the hospital to put Jonah down for a nap and Hope's Grandma Mimi and Nana were enjoying some cuddle time with Hope when suddenly her heart stopped and a team of hospital staff rushed in to resuscitate her. Unfortunately their efforts we unsuccessful and our baby Hope went straight from Grandma's arms into the arms of Jesus. Aaron, Sara, and Jonah were able to spend some family time with Hope after she passed as they tried to say good-bye. What a difficult yet beautiful moment that was for them. Prior to last night, Jonah's time and ability to touch and cuddle his baby sister were extremely limited due to her risk of infection but last night he was free to hold and kiss his baby sister as much as his sweet little heart desired. Today they will begin the difficult process of planning for her funeral and making preparations to head home.

Thank you friends for all your love and support through out this process!!! Please continue to pray for us over the next few days as we grief the loss of our beautiful niece yet celebrate the beauty of the cross and it's promise that good-bye is not forever. It's hard not to let our minds wander to what Hope's life might have been. Knowing how AMAZING her parents are, I have no doubt she would have been such a beautiful person inside and out. But we know that the God of Hope works in ALL things for the good of those who love and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28).

"Held" lyrics~ Natalie Grant
Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
This is what it means to be held

Hope's baby step to healing

2009-03-05T08:08:00.000-08:00

Here's an update from my sister about Hope's first heart surgery...

It's been a long and anxious day, but we are happy to report that our little princess warrior has pulled it off! I apologize for taking so long to send out a full update. However, the news was coming in bits and pieces and I wanted to wait until we had a clearer picture of how the day went. Hope was wheeled into surgery at about 8:00am EST this morning and remained there for approximately five hours. Overall the surgery was deemed a success. There have been a few minor setbacks, but hopefully nothing that will prove to be significant. During the critical part of the surgery when she underwent circulatory arrest to fix her heart, the surgeon discovered that her aortic valve was much more narrow than anticipated. The surgeon usually completes this surgical step in about 25 minutes (time is of the essence since the baby is in arrest) but because of the narrowing of the valve, it took her 37 minutes. Aaron said that when speaking to her afterwards, it was obvious that she felt a big "victory" for being able to even fix it at all, as it appears that this particular surgery was anything but routine. Please pray that the extended period of arrest does not carry with it any additional neurological damage to Hope's rapidly developing brain.

In addition, there was a complication with Hope's IV in her right hand. I am not a doctor (unless you count my honorary MD from the University of Google :)), so I am not sure of the medical term -- but the IV slipped from her vein causing the fluid to seep into her tissue, which in turn caused her hand to blister. The doctors tending to Hope immediately called in a plastic surgeon to make sure there was no nerve damage. So far it seems to be under control, but only time will tell.

Hope's chest will remain open for the next few days protected by a clear synthetic skin-like covering so that the doctors can monitor her heart's function and check for swelling. Because of this, she will remain heavily sedated. Aaron and Sara were able to visit her later in the day and reported that she had the hiccups, jerked her foot back when they tickled the bottom of her feet, and was engaging in the sucking reflex. These are all positive signs and we are very grateful for all of her seemingly "normal" newborn gestures.

Aaron and I spoke early this morning shortly after Hope went into surgery. As long as I live, I don't think I will ever forget that moment --- lying in my bed in the dark at 6:00am local time, talking with my "baby" brother about his beautiful baby girl and the challenges she will face, and yet being blown away at his courage, strength and unwavering faith in God and His grace. Throughout the day, it was hard to force the negative images and thoughts out of my head. But luckily for me, Aaron unknowingly provided me with a positive picture in my mind which I held on to all day and shared with anyone who asked about my niece. During this conversation, Aaron expressed how difficult it had been for him and Sara to get any sleep the night before. Finally at 4:00am, they gave up and headed to the hospital. There alone in the NICU, they gave Hope a sponge bath to make her all clean and pretty for her big day --- her new shot at a long and happy life. It was the image of the three of them sharing such a special moment that I chose to focus on as the day wore on. :)

Thanks to all of you for your prayers and good thoughts

Hope has proven herself to be a fighter...

2009-03-02T06:18:00.000-08:00

For those of you who I never got in touch with yesterday, we just wanted to let you all know that Hope Elizabeth (my beautiful niece with left hypoplastic syndrome) was welcomed into the world early yesterday morning, March 1, weighing 6 pounds and 11 ounces. Sara went into labor late Saturday evening, spent 3 hours in active labor and delivered Hope with no drugs at all. In my opinion, this makes her certifiably insane, but my hero nonetheless. I talked to my mom a bit ago and Hope is doing awesome. She is over 24 hours old and has yet to be put on the ventilator or need any oxygen at all. Sara said she is still a beautiful pink color. This is significant, as most babies with her condition begin to turn blue by 12 hours of age and need breathing assistance. The doctors are encouraged by her strong set of lungs and have scheduled her surgery for early Wednesday(earlier than originally planned because she is such a fighter and doing so well). This is the first of three open heart surgeries...and unfortunately the one with the highest risk of complication. They will have to leave her chest open and keep her in complete isolation for at least 2 days following the surgery.

However, yesterday we choose to celebrate the first day of her long life.Today we will focus on the road ahead, but I also wanted to take today to rejoice and praise God for bringing Hope into our family!

Any thoughts or prayers you can send their way would be a blessing. You can read more about this amazing little girl on her Caring Bridge web page at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/hopemaus. If you have the means and want to send some financial support, let me know and I can get you in touch with the right resources. Unfortunately, we couldn’t get donations set up through the Caring Bridge web site.

HOPE IS HERE!

2009-03-01T04:09:00.000-08:00

Welcome to our world, Hope Elizabeth Maus!! My niece Hope was born in the wee hours of the morning today. She weighed in at a hearty 6lbs 11oz. And so far is tiny heart is holding up! There is a little extra sunshine, laughter and happiness in our world today. Today we celebrate her birth and will continue to celebrate this day on her BIRTHday for many years to come.

Hope was born in Ann Arbor Michigan because on February 3, Hope was diagnosed with a serious congenital heart defect after an ultrasound presented with abnormalities. A normal heart has four chambers, two on the right and two on the left. In performing its basic job — pumping blood throughout the body — the heart uses its left and right sides for different tasks. The right side moves blood to the lungs. In the lungs, oxygen enriches the blood, which then circulates to the heart's left side. The left side of the heart pumps blood into a large vessel called the aorta, which circulates the oxygen-rich blood to the rest of the body. Hope's specific defect is known as "complex single ventricle" -- a term describe a group of rare heart defects, which have in common, a large single pumping chamber or ventricle instead of the usual two.

Although this defect is not correctable, some babies can be treated with a series of operations, or a heart transplantation. Until an operation is performed, the ductus is kept open by intravenous medication. Hope will most likely undergo her first open heart surgery sometime later this week (in the next 4 to 8 days).

But I am completely amazed, humbled, and brought to tears at how faithful God has been already throughout this whole journey. I have not made it through one phone call with Aaron or Sara since February 3 without crying but usually they are “happy tears”. On their first Sunday in Michigan, after attending a new church, Aaron and Sara met a wonderful family who generously offered to take Sara into their home, lives, and heart. She has been staying with them over the last several weeks. They also have graciously offered Aaron and Sara the use of an empty house on their property for them to stay in as they wait out this long and difficult journey to healing that Hope is on. Sara’s best friend, Natalie, made the journey up to Michigan with Aaron and Jonah this week, and she will be staying with them to help care for Jonah while Sara and Hope are recovering in the hospital.

Over and over, God has showed up at every step along this journey to prove that He will provide from the most mundane or trivial needs to the most huge and basic needs. Throughout the bible, God’s great providence is an underlying theme. The word providence is defined as “the foreseeing care and guidance of God over the creatures of the earth, a manifestation of divine care and direction, prudent management of resources, and provident care.” Over the years, I have seen that God loves to use His precious people as instruments of His providence. Aaron and Sara’s testimony the last month is evidence of that!

In Matthew 18:19, 20 Jesus says, “Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." I think Jesus was trying to show us that He chooses to make Himself present to us through each other. We are the body of Christ and when are going through difficult times that require God’s providence and an extra dose of God’s presence, He often makes Himself known through other family members in the church. God had a divine plan and purpose when He devised the body of Christ, the global family of God. Our biological family may not be close enough to physically care of us during difficult days. It’s been killing me to know that, other than praying, there hasn’t been a lot I can do right now to help my little brother and his precious wife. But God has surrounded them with brothers and sisters to love on them and care for them in ways that I can not. And that has been amazing to see!

Please continue to pray for Aaron, Sara, Jonah, and Hope this week. You can get updates on how Hope is doing, see pictures, and sign their guestbook http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/hopemaus

He's working it out....

2009-02-26T03:44:00.000-08:00

You Are God Alone!

Jake and I have found ourselves smack dab in the center of an extremely stressful season in our lives. There is not just ONE thing at the source of our stress just a combination of many things and circumstances that seem to be piling up and reminding us daily that we are not in control! But I think God allows stressful seasons like this one into our lives to help keep this faith thang in check. If there were not sooo many circumstances in my life that are absolutely out of my control, then I might get a false sense of power and this season has done nothing if not caused me to surrender to the God who is calling all the shots and working EVERYTHING out according His plan and His agenda, not mine. (Ephesians 1:11). I am confident that my faith is strengthened every time I find myself not in control and not even wanting to be in control.

One of the most frustrating things about faith and trusting in an unseen God is when life just doesn’t make sense. And things that are happening in life leave us asking, “Why?” But God has more of a right to ask us “why?” than vice versa. And over the years I have learned that answer to all my “why?” questions will always be simply because He ALONE is God and His ways are always higher than mine and He sees the BIG picture when I can barely catch a glimmer of a glimpse of the picture.

I am reading this amazing book called “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan and in it he asks, “Can you worship a God who is not obligated to explain His actions to you? Could it be arrogance that makes you think God owes you an explanation?” He also says “not being able to fully understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous to think we have the right to limit God to something we can capable to comprehend. What a stunted and insignificant god that would be?! If my mind is the size of a soda can then God’s is the size of the ocean….”

Music has a way of speaking volumes into my stressed out soul and lately I have fallen in love with this song “you are God alone…”

You are not a god
Created by human hands
You are not a god
Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a god
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that's just the way it is
[chorus]
You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
Your are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone
You’re the only God
Whose power none can contend
You’re the only God
Whose name and praise will never end
You’re the only God
Who’s worthy of everything we can give
You are God
And that's just the way it is
Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That's what You are

“But you, O Lord, sit enthroned forever; your renown endures through all generations’ But you remain the same and your years will never end.” ~ Psalm 102:12, 27

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the LORD. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” ~ Isaiah 55:8, 9

“In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who WORKS OUT EVERYTHING in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.” ~ Ephesians 1:11

Celebrating this day in history... when the most amazing man on the planet was born (and yet God chose me to be his wife)

2009-02-05T10:11:00.000-08:00

So today is my sweet husband's 32nd birthday! In honor of this occassion, I am going to list the top 32 reasons why this day and this man should be celebrated...(also because we are cheap, money is tight, and I am trying to think of as many ways to make him feel speical without spending lots of money) Drum roll please... (in no particular order):

1. He has more faith, courage and boldness in his little pinky than most people have in their entire bodies (myself included)!

2. He is the hardest worker I know. And even though I sometimes complain about the way he never stops working, it also makes me very proud that he is so dedicated to providing for our family and further God's kingdom

3. He inspires me and others to want to be a better person and not to waste our lives but make the most of every opportunity God placing before you

4. He can make me laugh so I hard I cry even when I am determined to be in a bad mood

5. He is man's man who is also not ashamed to cry about things he really passionate about

6. He can honestly say that no one's opinion of him matters other that God's and he is not afraid to live his life that pleasing one

7. He occasionally cooks dinner and even cleans the kitchen after wards. He makes amazing enchilada soup, chili, pancakes (not in Haiti), spaghetti, and he has mad grilling skills

8. He is VERY transparent with people and will be the first to admit his weaknesses, apologize when he has done something wrong, and take ownership for his action and past mistakes

9. When he sets a goal for himself, he will go to great lengths to accomplish it and is so determined it's scary

10. When I first became a Christian, I was terrified about the parts of the Bible that ask women to be submissive of their husbands. But the way that he unconditionally and unselfishly loves me makes submitting to him just a natural overflow and reaction to that kind of love

11. He has such a servants' heart in so many ways.... which I was reminded of last week as I watched him clean up the vomit that covered our bathroom floor after a sick child didn't quite make it to the toilet

12. He laughs and smiles a lot... and the extra wrinkles of his face just prove that.

13. He loves our daughter in such a way that will require any prospective husband to have big shoes to fill and a high standard to live up to

14. He does pretty all the laundry... really he does. I hate laundry and he has just always done it

15. He rarely complains about anything and lives out Philippians 4:12 in a way that amazes me

16. He has changed more poopy diapers and given more bedtime baths than any man I know

17. He would give away the shirt off his back and our last penny in the bank if a friend needed it (and he has). He uses everything that God has given us to bless other people (our house, car, education, resources etc..)

18. He always see's the glass as half full

19. He forces me to try new things and get out of my comfort zone and I love him for that

20. He has no desire to "keep up the Jones" and refuses to let our family become another causality of the American Dream

21. He is the most amazing Dad to our children and any other children God places in our life that need a daddy.

22. He has the ability to see hurting people, find out what they need, and then bend over backwards to make sure that need is met

23. He truly believes that "anything is possible" and and always encourages and challenges the people around to do more "big" and "impossible" things

24. He has never met a stranger and when he talks to you has an uncanny ability to make you feel like you are the only person in the room

25. He is very protective of his family and God's church

26. He see's the injustice of the world and wants to BE the change

27. He chooses to be a blessing even when cursing would be so much easier

28. He is always a student... doesn't think he knows it all, has everything figured out, or has arrived

29. He has overcome a lot of really difficult obstacles in life and learned from every one of them

30. He has forgiven some the most "unforgivable" people

31. He will die long before his convictions about certain things do

32. He's smokin hot!!!

the picture of us holding happy birthday daddy signs (another cheap gift lol)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKE!

Baby Hope

2009-02-04T07:02:00.000-08:00

My brother and his wife have a big decision in front of them. Their baby, Hope, has something called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. There are only two options... multiple surgeries that will "temporary" fix it (which will probably need to be done in Michigan) or let her become sick and wait for a heart transplant that would more "permanently" fix it. Right now they are going to try to find out her blood type so they are better make that decision based on her blood and the likelihood of an infant heart transplant. Please send lots of prayer their way as they try to make this difficult decision and especially that Sara can remain pregnant as long as possible so Hope can be as healthy as possible at birth (Sara has a history of premature births but Hope isn't due until first of March). They have an appointment with a fetal cardiologist on Tuesday. So we should know more about what is to come then.

We keep reminding ourselves that her name which was chosen weeks ago prior to this diagnosis... Hope is what we need to cling to.

"When the world is falling out from under me, I'll be found in Him, still standing!"

Power of Presence... God with us!

2008-12-19T11:24:00.000-08:00

I know my days of listening to Christmas music are numbered and that makes me sad. I love the emotions of Christmas music and the way it just seems to totally melt my heart and prepare me for what Christmas is really all about. Ashlyn had a Christmas choir concert the other day and it took all the self control I could muster to keep myself from embarrassing her by sobbing like a baby as they sang “Silent Night”. But today I was listening to this song by Joy Williams called “Here With Us” and it got me to thinking about the mystery of God stepping into our life as an infant boy Emmanuel, God with us.

I am the world’s biggest scaredy cat when it comes to a lot things. But over the years, I have noticed by the calming effect of having my husband with me. Somehow his presence makes whatever fear I am facing seem not so intimidating. Like for instance, when I gave birth to our children and had back surgery… as long as Jake was with me, I was fine. If he stepped out of the room or even threatened to as a joke… I would start freaking out and let my fears reign. Even when we went to Haiti, in the middle of the night, when I had to make the scary trek out of the tent and down to the bathhouse with the voodoo drums playing in the background and the darkness of the night… sometimes I would wake Jake up and ask him to go with me. His presence makes me feel safe and somehow protected.

“Presence is a noun, not a verb; it is a state of being, not doing. States of being are not highly valued in a culture which places a high priority on doing. Yet, true presence or "being with" another person carries with it a silent power — to bear witness to a passage, to help carry an emotional burden or to begin a healing process. In it, there is an intimate connection with another that is hard to come by in our fast paced hurried lives.

I have heard people who experience great loss and grief talk about how a loved ones presence during that time was their lifeline and what made their grief bearable. Somehow having someone you love “just there” with you makes whatever burden or fear you are facing smaller.

I have not hesitated to be in the presence of others for whom I could "do" nothing. In nursing school and in my experiences as a nurse, the power of presence is confirmed at all spectrums of life. When Ashlyn was in the NICU after birth, I noticed that the premature infants who have involved and loving family visiting and caring for them daily made a huge difference in how quickly they got better. Their family’s presence directly impacted their outcomes. And at the end of life, those with family there as they cross over from one life to the next seem to have more peace as they do.

I have heard a lot about the various names of the Lord. There are tons of studies devoted solely to the names of God. . Throughout the Bible, there are over 100 names and titles are given to Jesus. And whether He is called "Bright morning star, Wonderful Counselor, the Alpha and the Omega, or the Lamb of God", each of these names and titles is rich with meaning. They all say something significant about who Jesus is. Yet at this time of year, all I can think about is the name given him in Mathew 1:23, “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel which means, "God with us."

His presence in our society is felt and experienced more intensely at Christmas time. And although every generation claims that that the days they are living in the most dark and scary… I truly feel like these days are indeed among some of the most frightening. Our economy crisis and the amount of global unrest is enough to make all us scaredy cats (like me) want to run and hide. Yet God’s promised presence is the lifeline I will choose to cling to. Whatever dark moments or scary night the next year may hold, God has promised His presence. Deuteronomy 31:6-8 says, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Then Moses summoned Joshua and said to him in the presence of all Israel, "Be strong and courageous, for you must go with this people into the land that the LORD swore to their forefathers to give them, and you must divide it among them as their inheritance. The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." The bible is full of similar promises of God’s presence as the prescription for fear and discouragement.

As powerful as my husband’s protective presence is…. My God’s presence is even more reliable and powerful. I am so thankful for His presence not just on Christmas day but everyday!!

“Here With Us” Joy Williams
It's still a mystery to me
That the hands of God could be so small,
How tiny fingers reaching in the night
Were the very hands that measured the sky

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King,
You're here with us
You're here with us

It's still a mystery to me, oh,
How His infant eyes have seen the dawn of time
How His ears have heard an angel's symphony,
But still Mary had to rock her Savior to sleep

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King
Here with us
You're here with us
(Ohh, mmm, here with us)

Jesus the Christ, born in Bethlehem
A baby born to save, to save the souls of man

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King
You're here with us
You're here with us

There are no words for that...

2008-12-10T11:25:00.000-08:00

English always has been my favorite subject. I love to read and I love to write…. Basically I just love written words. But there are some things and some circumstances in life, where there just are no words to describe. Looking back at some of my journaling from the week we spent in Haiti, there seems to one phrase written over and over, “there are no words for that.” So as I try to somehow describe what we saw and experienced in Haiti, please remember the reoccurring phrase / theme throughout my journal was “THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR THAT!”

Coming back this time, it was the first time I returned to Haiti since adopting Jimso. Before any group goes there, they are warned not to give hand outs to beggars you encounter on the streets because you will not ever have enough and if you do you might be swarmed by needy people. On my first trip, one of the most difficult things to do was to say “no” to the beggars we encountered. But this trip saying “no” had a new and unexpected dimension to it. We were barely off the plane and had just found our seats on the bus that would take us to the orphanage, when I was approached by a little boy who stood outside my window asking for food and clutching his stomach. I tried not to look directly at him because I knew I had been told not to give anyone anything but for one brief second our eyes met and it took my breathe away because it was as if I was looking into the eyes of MY OWN SON whom I had left at home just several hours earlier. It was haunting to looking into the eyes of a little boy so similar in so many ways to my own son. It was gut wrenching to shake my head no and look away. My thoughts then went to the “What if’s” of Jimso’s life. What if God had not brought Jimso into our lives, what if he had not brought him to GVCM, what if he was still living on the streets alone? The “what if’s” have a way of consuming your thoughts if you let them.

There are no words to describe how much I love the people of Haiti. They are just completely beautiful to me. I have read in the book of Ruth where she proclaims to her mother in law Naomi, “Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. YOUR PEOPLE WILL BE MY PEOPLE and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me." I do not understand the how’s or why’s of it… but I know that I feel a divine connection and love for the people of Haiti. Maybe it has something to do with the adoption but I know God has placed a devotion in my heart to this nation and its people that will connect my heart with theirs forever.

Although we had many work “projects” throughout the week, the time we spent with the precious 57 orphans is what made the trip worth all the hard work it took to get us there. You see… We’re all born with a Love Bank that resides with our hearts. Our life experiences and everyday contact with others will either make deposits into our account or withdrawals from our heart. Throughout our childhood, most of us have the privilege of having loving parents and caring families who are continuously making deposits into the love bank that resides with our hearts. But the precious children we spent the week with had not been given some of that opportunity and if you could look inside their hearts, you would a love bank account that had been negative and in the red for years (work with me here, remember “there are no words”). These children were desperate for love and attention. Throughout the week, we learned to pick our seats wisely because within seconds of sitting down, we would find ourselves with at least 4 or 5 children planted in our laps just wanting to cuddle. In fact, they would even push and fight their way to find a coveted spot on your lap. My lap, although big, could not accommodate all the children reaching their arms up for me to hold them. There was no such thing as personal space or alone time, and I loved every minute of it (even as the introvert I am)! The first few days, the communication and language barrier was felt. But the more time we spent there, the more that barrier disappeared until I didn’t even notice the fact we spoke different languages. English wasn’t spoken in our play, Creole wasn’t spoken either. Love was spoken.

Another highlight of our week for me was spending time with Jimso’s biological brother Jedone’. For those who do not know, Jedone’ is Jimso’s 12 year brother. If only we had known about him before we adopted Jimso, he might be living with us now. But having the opportunity to spend the week with him was priceless. He is such a beautiful boy, with lighter skin and eyelashes so long that curl up. He looks a lot like Jimso… but they are polar opposites in their personalities. Jedone’ is shy and soft spoken and extremely sweet. He is the leader of the pack with the older boys and is such an amazing helper. I watched to parent some of the younger boys all week and wondered if he did that with Jimso when they were together. He loved the pictures I brought of Jimso. He proudly wore a button of Jimso’s soccer picture all week. And wanted to show all his friends the pictures of his "petite fray" (little brother). We also had the privilege of meeting with Jimso’s biological mother one morning. I tired to express our gratitude and what a blessing Jimso is to our family but once again “there are no words for that” and I felt completely inadequate. Haitian women are not emotional so I tried with every fiber in my being not to overwhelm her with emotion. She expressed how pleased she was with adoption and absolutely loved looking at the photo album we brought her. We brought her some gifts but honestly nothing we gave her would have felt adequate. She said she knew God had a plan for Jimso’s life and GVCM taking him in when she could not care for him, and us adopting him was all part of that plan. I can not wait until Jimso is old enough is accompany us on a mission trip there. I want so badly for him to feel connected to his culture and for him to understand where he came from and for him to share our love for these precious people.

In my lifetime, I have celebrated 30 Thanksgivings, but none of them will ever be as memorable as the one I spent in Haiti. For the life of me, I can not even remember what I did last thanksgiving but I will NEVER forget what I did 11/28/08. We treated 97 gravely ill people in an impromptu medical clinic. People who were willing to wait all day to be seen by us. Some of them had never been seen by a medical professional in their entire life. My thoughts and prayers are still consumed by them but especially by a few in particular… the women who had a terrible infection resulting from an abortion she had a few days earlier; the young mom who was so septic she could hardly walk, let alone care for her baby; an elderly man with heart disease and blood pressure so critically high he could have had a stroke at any moment; the two young children with malaria; the young man withering away from what seemed to be AIDS; patients who had critically high fevers like 104 or 105 yet continued to work all day as if they were fine; a young mother who was so blind she could not see the medication syringe well enough to administer the necessary antibiotic it to her young children that we had to teach the 4 year old daughter how to give it to herself and her younger siblings. There are no words to describe those kinds of health care needs. And once again, I felt inadequate. Most of what we saw was all so preventable and treatable yet it could be fatal in circumstances like these. I can’t wrap my mind around it. Nor can I look into their faces and pretend anything about their circumstances is just, fair, or right. I hate the starling fact that in our world, your place of birth drastically determines your quality of life (it determines your access to health care, access to education, access to clean water, ability to feed yourself and your family). We ended our Thanksgiving with homemade pizza for dinner with the orphans. They weren’t sure what to think of it but in the end, I think they liked it and it was the most memorable Thanksgiving of my life.

The day after Thanksgiving is usually a day full of shopping for me and millions of other Americans but instead we got to meet our friend Bob (the 8 year old boy we sponsor through Compassion International). He has incredibly sweet and meeting him face to face and seeing the difference just $30 a month can make was incredible! I am completely amazed at that organization’s kingdom work! Seeing this kind of extreme poverty everyday… it would be so easy to just get overwhelmed by the vast needs that exist, yet they are truly making a global difference.

The day we left the orphanage was the hardest day of the entire week. OShellie cried as she said goodbye to Chelsey… which opened a floodgate of tears for us all. And as we tried to say good-bye, express to them our love, and promise them that this goodbye was not forever… the language and communication barrier seemed to reemerge.

Adjusting to life at home has been difficult. Once again, I left a huge hunk of my heart in Haiti and trying to adjust to life without that part of my heart has been hard. This week I found some little friends, named scabies, have taken up residency under my skin. Someone asked me “Now that you got scabies, do you regret cuddling so much with those orphans?” To which I honestly replied “No way… I regret not cuddling more. I wish I would have taken shorter showers, spent less time eating, and made more time for what mattered most... loving on those little kids.” My lap is empty, my heat is hurting, but there are no words to describe how much that week meant to me!”

“Once our eyes are opened, we can not pretend we don’t know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know and holds us responsible to act!”

Haiti Mission Trip Highlight Video

2008-12-08T08:43:00.000-08:00

Its so hard to put 5 hours of video footage and over 1000 pictures into one song length but I think Jake did AWESOME job! It's also very hard to describe with words all we experienced but this is a taste of it!

Grown Up Christmas List

2008-12-07T11:22:00.000-08:00

Jimso came home from school Friday and told me that he had written a list to Santa at school. He told me that he asked him for a guitar and a microphone and a video camera so that he and Ashlyn could make a Jonas Brothers music video. Then he said Santa would be delivering the gifts on “Thanksgiving” morning (this is only his second Christmas celebration in his 7 years of life so he is still a bit confused on the details and how this whole “present day” works).

Listening to Christmas music is one of my favorite’s things to do (I started in October). One of my favorite Christmas songs is “Grown Up Christmas List” (I know old and cheesy but the cheesier the better when it comes to Christmas music). Here are the lyrics…..

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies
Well, I'm all grown-up now
Can you still help somehow?
I'm not a child, but my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself, but for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
Maybe only in that blind belief can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end

This is my grown-up Christmas list
This is my only lifelong wish
This is my grown-up Christmas list

Coming back and transitioning to American life after visiting a third world country is difficult. You look at some of the “stupid” ways we spend money in our consumer driven society and endless pursuit to desire more “stuff”… and you can’t help but think of the faces of poverty and how much wiser it would be to invest in causes other than our own. Coming back from Haiti at the peak of Christmas advertizing has in some ways haunted me. Advertising (and even our own delusions) has seemed to reclassify luxuries as necessities. The other day I was watching a Disney show with my kids and all the commercials seemed to send the same message… material possessions will bring joy and fulfillment. These commercial seem to scream that these products would somehow satisfy our deepest needs and inner longings for love, acceptance, security, and fulfillment.

I had the privilege of spending Thanksgiving week in the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere last week… and I honestly say that those people are some of the most contented and most fulfilled people I have ever met. They have nothing in the way of material possessions yet they have more faith and more joy in their little pinky than some of us have in our entire beings. I desperately want to be like them… I want to look to people and the Lord alone for my sense of security, love, and acceptance. I want to be like them and like the apostle Paul when he said in Philippians 4, “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” If tomorrow I woke up and EVERYTHING was gone (my house, my possessions, my health, my family), I would want to be able to say that my God is enough and He is all I need. One of my favorite worship songs says “Rich or poor, God I want you more than anything that glitters in this world. Be my all, all consuming fire. You can have all my hands can hold….”

I have been leading a small group through a curriculum called “Hope Lives” and it looks at poverty and what the bible says about the poor and marginalized. This morning, I asked my Sunday school students, in light of all we have studied, to come up with a grown up Christmas list. Here is my list:

1.Every orphaned child would have someone to tuck them into bed each night and tell them “I love you!” (every 14 seconds a child is orphaned by AIDS, if 7% of people who claim Christianity would adopt one orphan per family then there would be no orphaned children globally)

2.That this present generation would be the ones to stand up and say “Your place (country) of birth will NOT determine your quality of life in regards to your access to education, health care, food/water, shelter, and other basic human needs and RIGHTS.

3.That every person would have access to clean water (currently 1/6 of the worlds population does not, 1.1 BILLION people)

4.That we would be passionate and persistent about eliminating global health crisis’ like the HIV/AIDS epidemic, malaria, tuberculosis, etc. (malaria kills 1 million children per year, most of them under the age of five, 2.3 million children are living with HIV and only 10% of them are being treated, one child dies every 5 seconds due to hunger related causes)

5.Children and other victims of abuse would find their voice and we would not tolerate those who intentionally inflict pain upon children. (300 millions children are subject to physical, emotional, and sexual abuse every year, 1.2 million children are trafficked every year for sexual purposes)

6.As Christians, we would embrace our calling to be the church that God dreams we could be. We would be more like the first church and like that described in Acts 4 “All the believers were united in heart and mind. And they felt that what they owned was not their own, so they shared everything they had.”

7.Everyone on this planet would grasp the fact that love ALWAYS trumps hate, good always beat evil (at least in the end) and that we would birth extremists of love not hate!

This list is far from complete…. But they (my small group)had even better things on their lists .So what is on YOUR “grown up Christmas list????”

WWSD- what would Sam do?!

2008-11-18T05:39:00.000-08:00

Last night I was talking to my sister from Seattle on the phone (if you can even call it talking since somehow we have both lost our voices at the same time with respiratory infections). She was telling a sweet story about my five year nephew Sam. Every time he has piano lessons, the teacher gives him two gummy bears at the end of his lesson. Over the last several weeks, sweet Sam eats one and then gives his little brother Ben the other one.

My sister watched him do this for several weeks before telling him “Sammy, I’ve noticed that you share your extra gummy bear with Ben and I think that is really sweet that you share without anyone even asking you to.”

To which Sam replied VERY seriously “Mom, sometimes it feels good to eat BOTH gummy bears myself!! But when I share with Ben it feels good too and that good feeling lasts even longer because Ben really loves gummy bears and I see that it makes him so happy.”

I wish we all could adopt Sam’s attitude of giving. I wish that when we see other people’s needs before us, we would soften our hearts and ask ourselves, “What would Sammy do?” I have heard it said, “The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them away!” To someone who has never experienced the joy of giving away something you really treasure that statement sounds ridiculous and just plain stupid. But for people like Sam who know what it feels like to give away something you really treasure, it is a feeling far greater than whatever limited and fleeting happiness is associated with that treasure we are holding onto.

Kurt preached on Sunday about the parable with the talents… Matthew 15:14-28 says, “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money. After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.' His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.' His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.' His master replied, 'you wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest. 'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

I can imagine if I am dealing out talents, I am going to trust people with hearts like Sam to receive the most because he has proven himself to be giving. God also reminds us in Luke 12:48, “Much is required from those to whom much is given” (NLT).

At Sam’s last piano lesson, his little brother Ben did not come to pick him. My sister secretly watched to see what Sam would do when given the opportunity to indulge in the extra treat for himself without anyone really knowing…. But Sam simply stuck the extra gummy in his pocket and then made a b line for Ben when he got home so he could deliver the yummy treat to its rightful owner. Every though Ben did nothing to earn that treat (he doesn’t spend the time learning the piano and practicing); Sam was sure to give to him. That’s giving and that’s grace and that’s what we need more in our lives!

collecting shells or souls? BON VOYAGE

2008-11-17T03:09:00.000-08:00

The first time we went to Haiti back in 2005, I didn’t know if we would EVER recover from all the things God revealed to us during that trip. Our comfortable life was turned upside down by everything we saw and experienced there. Thankfully, we never did “get over” it… God changed our entire life goals from that point on. After we saw what we saw with our own eyes, we were morally obligated to change and “recovery” was not an option. Princess Diana had it right when she said: “You can’t comfort the afflicted without afflicting the comfortable.” God changed our comfortable life forever during first precious those days we spent in Haiti. We realized that proof of our love for Christ was not best reflected in merely going to church, singing praise songs, going to bible study and prayer meetings, or teaching a Sunday school class (although those things are important), but in genuinely loving and serving the sick, the poor, the weak, and the marginalized. I used to be able to ignore those statistics of extreme poverty but once the numbers have faces and stories associated with them… it haunts you. You begin to value what God values, to love those in this world we have been conditioned to ignore, and to see with His eyes.

Jake teases me with the truth that our “retirement” plan has drastically changed since that week… no more traveling in a RV to visit the grandkids… no, we will probably spend our golden years surrounded by Haitian orphans and singing hymns with the accordion playing in the background. John Piper is also to blame for ruining my retirement… In his book “Don’t waste your life”, he tells these stories….

“Three weeks ago we got word at our church that Ruby Eliason and Laura Edwards had both been killed in Cameroon. Ruby was over 80. Single all her life, she poured it out for one great thing: To make Jesus Christ known among the unreached, the poor, and the sick. Laura was a widow, a medical doctor, pushing 80 years old, and serving at Ruby’s side in Cameroon. The brakes failed, the car went over the cliff, and they were both killed instantly. And I asked my people: was that a tragedy? Two lives, driven by one great vision, spent in unheralded service to the perishing poor for the glory of Jesus Christ—two decades after almost all their American counterparts have retired to throw their lives away on trifles in Florida or New Mexico. No. That is not a tragedy. That is a glory.”

“I tell you what a tragedy is. I’ll read to you from Reader’s Digest (Feb. 2000, p. 98) what a tragedy is: “Bob and Penny… took early retirement from their jobs in the Northeast five years ago when he was 59 and she was 51. Now they live in Punta Gorda, Florida, where they cruise on their 30 foot trawler, play softball and collect shells.” The American Dream: come to the end of your life - your one and only life - and let the last great work before you give an account to your Creator, be “I collected shells. See my shells.” THAT is a tragedy. And people today are spending billions of dollars to persuade you to embrace that tragic dream. And I plead with you: don’t buy it.”

If I have a choice between the two stories above, I choose the first scenario. I want to go out like that... unashamedly loving people and eternally changing God’s kingdom rather than living a comfortable life for my own kingdom. When I stand before I want to hear Him say “well done!” and if all I have to offer is a handful of collected sea shells, I may “get in” but what a waste?! I want to spend my life gathering souls not shells!

But lately I have heard a familiar friend named “fear” whisper doubts and suddenly I find myself wanting to revert back to the wimp I used to be. But God is an amazing mathematician…. There are 365 promises in Scripture that begin with the words “FEAR NOT”!!! Umm coincidence? I don’t think so! One for every day of year that I feel tempted to stay in my comfortable SAFE SHELL of a life. God has showed me over and over again that the safest place in the world is the center of His perfect will for me! And because the risen Lord lives inside of me, He goes with (and usually before me) wherever I go. When I enter a scary and dark place, I bring the light of the world with me. I bring the God of the universe! In and of my little wimpy self, I do not have much to offer. My piece of the puzzle for changing the world is very small but put together with all of the pieces of the body and God will change this world one person at a time. God has entrusted one piece of the puzzle to me, and all he asks is that I am faithful to work on that one part.

We leave for Haiti in less than a week. Jake and I have been as excited as kids on Christmas Eve the last few days. Watching God’s faithfulness unfold before your eyes is exciting stuff!!! He has done more than we could have imagined or hoped for already and we haven’t even left yet! One of the hymns we learned in Creole on our first trip talked about going on a journey home one day and the words “Bon Voyage” were repeated over and over. Please keep us in your prayers the next few weeks and BON VOYAGE!!!

PS~ I need to really need to be focused in prayer and my facebook fetish is one my biggest distractions… so I will not be getting back for a while until we get back December 1st Happy thanksgiving!!!

UNITED STATES... the morning after

2008-11-05T09:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was either a difficult and disappointing day or a day of great hope for you depending on what side of the fence you are on (or well defined party line we have created). But the good news, according to one pastor I respect, is… God is on His throne and the political commercials are off the air and the annoying robo- calls have seized!!

Personally my first voting experience in Oklahoma was a bit frustrating. There are two different precincts voting at the same location. So I asked an election official which of the lines was for my precinct, he told me that both precinct where in the same line. After standing in a line for 45 minutes, the same man comes by informing people that the line I was in was for precinct 432 only (not mine). Two hours later, I cast my vote and felt proud because I had done my civic duty and relieved because some people in the other line (my original line had been waiting almost 4 hours) I made it out in time to pick Drew for his doctor appointment and much to my disappoint and frustration, their was a precinct at his school (two blocks away) with no lines at all. Go figure! I was a little frustrated and kind feeling sorry for myself and the other people who had the misfortune of being in a large precinct when I was reminded of something I had seen on the news a few days earlier…. In one South African election people waited for 2 DAYS to vote. I am so thankful that our vote wait time can be measured in minutes or hours, not days! I had also heard about people waiting for hours in the rain earlier in the morning, only to fill out ballots that were too soggy to read. Suddenly my little in convenient wait in the warm sunshine where I could vote without fear of repercussions wasn’t such a downer. Our voting system may be flawed but it as close to perfect as possible (kinda reminds me the words “in order to form a more perfect union”)

After months of a very heated and emotional campaign/ election season, I needed some comic relief as we watched the results start coming in. And as much as I love my kiddos, they still have a lot to learn about politics and geography so through some conversations with them; we had some good belly laughs….

One of my little darling (as if) asked “Mom, if they announce Barack wins tonight… does that mean Bush has to pack up his things and leave the white house as soon as they announce it?”

Another one asked, “Do you think Barack will run a victory lap holding up a #1 finger around the White House if he wins?” I replied, “No he’s not even in DC, he’s in Chicago.” To which they then asked, “Oh then do you think he will run a victory lap around the Eiffel tower?”

Jimso came home from school just beaming and proud because he got to vote in a mock election … I asked him if he voted for McCain or Obama and he looked puzzled and said “Neither, I voted for the donkey! And he won!”

Even in the midst of silly and humorous conversations last night, I was really excited to talk to Jimso about what this election could mean for him. While race did not influence my vote personally...regardless of how you feel about Obama, I think we should be so proud of this election’s significance and the history was made for our nation. I can confidently tell my beautiful black son that he can be ANYTHING he wants to be when he grows up. And nothing or no one can limit what he can accomplish!! Regardless of how you voted, our entire nation can celebrate the milestone of our first African-American president. We can all embrace this profound opportunity for deeper racial reconciliation and social justice.

I naively woke up this morning thinking the election is done and all the ugly emails of hate and fear would have seized… but sadly I opened one of the ugliest ones yet!! So if you claim the name of Christ, I am personally asking you to quit smearing our reputation in the mud by sending and forwarding messages that do not honor God. Jim Wallis has said, “As Christ followers, it’s more about how we live on November 3 and 5 than how we vote on November4!” As Christians, we ALL have dual citizenship. We belong to God’s kingdom first and foremost! I pray our hearts can be steadfast set on furthering His kingdom, not our own. We can not USE Jesus for our own personal causes or agenda or kingdom. Jesus is not a republican nor democrat nor an American. We might join His side but he does not join ours.

God is in control!!! He reigns! No one comes into power or leadership without God putting them in that position. "Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which GOD has established. The authorities that exist have been established by GOD." ~ Romans 13:1

Regardless of whom you voted for, it’s times we put our differences aside and PRAY for the leader that God has established. 1 Timothy 2:1-4 says “I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.”

If your candidate lost, “suck it up buttercup”, and be obedient to what God has called you to do now. If your candidate won, don’t gloat, but recognize what our nation needs most right now is to once again become the UNITED states… not the red states and the blue states.

I personally tucked my children into bed last night with renewed hope. I know that my God is in control and we are so blessed! While my personal hope is ultimately in God, I also have high hopes for what this administration will do for our nation (with our prayers supporting them every step of the way).

SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE...

2008-11-03T10:02:00.000-08:00

Spiritual wisdom from OutKast~ Shake it Like a Polaroid Picture…

I have heard it said that as Christians we should always be attempting to do things that are so big that they are sure to fail without God. That if we attempt to only do things that we are capable of accomplishing in and of ourselves (without God’s mighty hand) then we are not doing BIG enough things for God. So lately I have been trying to dream big and set those goals high but it’s so hard. I am a typical type A personality kind of person. I want guaranteed results and want to map out every step along the way from point A to point B before I even step out in faith. But God is showing me over and over that is not how He works.

When God placed a burden on our hearts to return to Haiti, I was excited but really unsure how He was going to work out the logistics of everything. It was like a Polaroid picture… I knew God had a plan but the final picture was really unclear and blurry yet. After praying about it, we felt called to go and Drew (our oldest son) was really on board about coming with us this time. Financially the timing could not have been worse. I remember sitting in our first team meeting, discussing cost, and thinking “what in the world are we doing?! How can we presume to lead a group of individuals to a third world country when we do not even have the money to pay for our own passports at this point?”

Somehow I am still surprised at how surprised I get over God’s faithfulness (does that make sense?) You would think by now, after He has proven Himself faithful in my life over and over again, that I would expect nothing but faithfulness… yet the closer we get to having our trip fully funded the more surprised and amazed I am. And it’s not just financially… yesterday our team had a spaghetti fund raiser lunch at the church. At one point in the afternoon, I looked around at everyone working together as a well oiled machine, and thought “God this amazing! This team you have put together works so well together already! Our personalities jive and I just love and have so much fun with these people!” I can honestly say that there are no other 13 people I would rather by serving with… and I just know God has put together this group to do AMAZING things for Him in a few short weeks.

But it all starts with a willingness to put no limits on what God can do in our lives!!! And a willingness to cast aside our own fears and little quirks in order to gasp a hold of what God has for us to do. Jesus’ life on earth began with one young woman who was willing to say “I am the Lord’s servant and am willing to accept whatever he wants!” ~ Luke 1:38.

Less than three weeks away from our trip, that Polaroid picture is starting to become clearer and IT’S BEAUTIFUL! Figuring out how the picture ends up and knowing all the details along the way, isn’t my part. My part is just following Him wherever He leads. We are still a bit unsure of what kind work will be doing (either hurricane relief/ rebuilding or orphan care) so there are still some blurred lines but I know that our main goal in whatever work we end up doing will be to make an invisible God visible to a country that may not recognize Him yet. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity (while we are Haiti and really everyday) to make the invisible God visible through me!

Busy is our banner...

2008-10-24T07:02:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week, I got an email that asked "what if Jesus had been in such a hurry that he walked past the woman at the well and said, “How are you?” then just walked right on by?"

And then this morning reading this is my bible study I came across this.... "I think of how Jesus lived. I've heard many a sermon on what a busy man Jesus must have been. I'm not so sure about that. He had demands pressing on Him from every direction, but he wasn't busy in the same way we are. He wasn't running from meeting to meeting or from practice to practice. He very well might have spent many nights sitting with a group of friends over dinner, lingering for hours and hours, just talking about life. By today's standards, that might even be called lazy and self indulgent. But what mattered to Jesus was PEOPLE- listening to them, loving them, and helping them. He was busy with the slow work of taking time to care for people. He was never too busy too stop and help someone. I want to be like that. But in my dreadfully busy life, I hear myself singing along with that Veggie Tales song from the story of the Good Samaritan: Busy, busy, dreadfully busy.... Much much too busy for you"

It made me think of my little brother, Aaron. He annoys the crap out of me because he refuses to live on anyone else's time table or schedule and he's hours late to almost everything. But he always has time to love on and listen to people. I admire the way he always make time to love the people in his life and is willing to set aside his own schedule to step inside other people's life!

This week I have been "dreadfully busy" and distracted by things from people. Last night me and the kids (not Drew) played hookie from some other responsibilities we had... we went to library, borrowed a radio Disney CD, and then had an impromptu dance party (really I walked in on Jimso dancing and then Ashlyn and I joined him and got our silly on). It was the most fun I have had in months! Putting aside running from meeting to meeting or thing to thing and just enjoying the precious people in my life is something I need to do more. And by the way, dancing to the Macerena, Kung Fu Fighting, and the Cha Cha slide is a pretty good aerobic workout too!

There is a quote from Spurgeon that I love... "A good character is the best tombstone. Carve your name on hearts <3 not marble."

Sometimes we just need to slow down and take time for what matters most in life.... PEOPLE!

CHCC YOUTH- Sunday school electives....

2008-10-23T11:53:00.000-07:00

TONIGHT we will have sign up's for our new fall Sunday school electives!!! We are going to limit the class size to 12 students per class. If the class you want is full this time around, don't worry you can catch it next time (we will be rotating through several times). Here are your choices (drum roll please)....

1. Be Transformed~Taught by Dusty Crabtree and Dondi Rodgers

In the "Be Transformed" series, we will be exploring common beliefs we have, whether we realize them or not, about our salvation, God, and ourselves and how those beliefs affect us. We will work at replacing the lies we've believed with God's truth, which is truly a freeing experience! The last few lessons also deal with letting the Spirit live through you and helping you control your emotions. I'm excited to be able to share these life-"transforming" lessons with you

2. Road Trip~ Taught by Belinda Lechtenberg and Rob Sisk

How much time do you spend each day thinking about yourself and what you need/want? How much of your life is focused on you? Well Road Trip is your chance to get out of the box and serve other people. Each week we will take a road trip to a new destination and do something entirely for someone else... what kind of road trips well..... it could be pulling weeds, serving communion, washing windows, rocking babies, singing...... you name it we can do it!!! This class is for the brave adventurous types!!

3. Hope Lives~ Taught by Tiffanie Lenhart and Christy Ausley

Jesus said the poor would be with us always. But he never mentioned ignoring them. POVERTY. The sheer size of the problem pins overwhelmed Christians to their couches. What can we do? Where should we start? And is the occasional short term mission trip enough? This 5 week series will show you God's heart for the poor, prompt you to examine your own heart, and hopefully move you to respond. This is a video and discussion based study that has an optional daily devotional for purchase for those wanting to go EVEN deeper into God's heart and God's word. By the end of the study, you will DISCOVER what keeps you from engaging in global issues, EXPLORE what scripture really says about the poor, UNDERSTAND the true nature of poverty, DRAW CLOSE to the poor through prayer, and RESPOND to God's voice as he speaks to you about poverty.

4. God is Here~ Taught by Jake Lenhart and Tristan Swang

What if your God connection was always on? You know that perfect feeling? That life is good moment on the open highway with the windows down and the radio up, when the perfect song comes on and you sing along with the carefree, top of your lungs abandon? When you and contentment and life well up from somewhere deep in your soul? What if you could live that way? A 17-century monk named Brother Lawrence figured out how, and wrote about it in the devotional classic, The Practice of the Presence of God. He found a way to connect with God moment by moment, to experience the joy of His divine presence every minute of every day-whether during deep, contemplative prayer or while washing a sink full of dishes. In this class we will unearths that 17th century wisdom and remixes it into a 21st century guide to everyday life. We will explore how to take Brother Lawrence's original writings, and apply it to your life today and show you how to connect with a God who's always available.

LENHART FAMILY CREED

2008-10-18T18:06:00.000-07:00

One of the things that we learned in our foster care parenting classes is the importance of establishing structure and a concrete set of rules for our family.... that way when new children come into our home, they have a set of clear expectations to refer to. At first I thought it was kind of dumb (especially since we will be doing infants) but the idea has really grown on me. Everyone needs and craves rules and boundaries in life. Josh Mayo wrote a really good book about growing up as a youth minister's family called "Help! I'm Raising My Kids While Doing Ministry" and in that he too suggested establishing a family creed.

A few nights ago, Jake and I were watching Glen Beck interview Rev Run (from Run DMC and Run's House) and although he presented a lot of ideas I do not agree with.... he also suggested that you run your family much like you would run a business (with family meetings, family manuals with policies and procedures). So after stewing on it a bit, we came up with a Lenhart family creed (more like goals for our family and the kind of atmosphere/ culture we would like to see in our home and less like "rules" set in stone). So here is what we have come up with so far....

Lenhart Family Creed/
Rules for Family Life

1.Choices in life are everything! Every choice has a natural consequence (good or bad). Parents are here to guide you and empower you to make healthy choices that will lead you into becoming a responsible adult. We choose our destiny. Choose joy. No person or circumstance has the power to impact your happiness without your permission to do so.

2.Daily time with the Lord (although sometimes unfeeling or routine) is the cornerstone of your spiritual walk and the “oxygen” of life. We must fight and protect each other’s quiet time and spiritual wellness. We must go to battle for each other in prayer daily and remember that we have an enemy who would like to devour us (especially by attacking the family unit).

3.LOVE IS SPOKEN HERE! Ephesians 4:29 guides our daily conversations. We only speak words that build each other up and encourage each other. Our home is a refuge and a safe place for each other and others.

4.In regards to all media influences (music, TV, movies, books, etc), Psalm 101:3 is the standard, “I will set before my eyes, NO vile thing.”

5.All relationships require grace; therefore grace (unmerited favor) will be given freely and DAILY.

6.Because we are painfully aware of our shortcomings and weaknesses, we need to embrace correction (constructive criticism) and the art of apologies. Every proper apology consists of three components: admitting the wrong, asking for forgiveness, and then asking what I can do to make the situation better.

7.No member of this precious family is here by accident. God has hand created this family together for greater purposes and greater things. Though friends come and go, family is FOREVER! We remain deeply committed to each other. The Lenhart family is your God given anchor in life and your “cheering squad” that is always in your corner in life’s battles.

8.In a world of self centeredness, we choose to “throw the one starfish back in.” Our daily prayer is to be “Jesus with skin on” to those around us. Knowing that treasures of this world are temporary and could be gone tomorrow; we choose to invest in people rather than things. We are very blessed and according to Luke 12:48, “he who has been given much, much will be required”. We have a responsibility to care for the people and things God has loaned us or entrusted us with.

9.Priorities determine all decisions (whether big or small). God first, family second, work/ school/ friends third.

10. Finally, we are not our own, we were bought at a price and must remember “he is no fool who gives what he can not keep to gain what he can not lose."

If Momma aint happy...

2008-10-06T13:26:00.000-07:00

The last few days I have been evaluating my parenting skills and falling short of my own standards. It kind of started on Saturday when I was trying to overcome a case of guilt because on that day I missed not one but two of Jimso’s soccer games (which then lead me to realize that although he has been playing soccer for 4 weeks, I have attended 0 , count them, 0 games). All week long, I found myself having to be in two places at one time and since cloning myself is not scientifically possible (yet), I came to realize some things are going to have to change before I lose my sanity and /or my children end up in a lifetime of therapy due to my poor parenting skills, poor time management skills, and my inability to say “no” when I need to. Here’s a sample of parenting report card lately…

• I lose my temper because my youngest son has taken 45 minutes to brush his teeth in morning and thrown a severe loop in our tight morning schedule = Bad Mom

• My daughter and oldest son actually want to spend time hanging out with me in the evening= Good Mom, but I have too much to do and don’t make it in there until its already past bedtime= Bad Mom

• I send lunch money (BEFORE I start getting ugly notes about the negative balance) and fill out the field trip permission slip on the first day it comes home (which I have graciously volunteered to help with)= Good Mom

• I am 20 minutes late to my son’s football game, sit and cheer obnoxiously on the opposing team’s side of the bleachers, and embarrassingly insist on waving at him until he realizes we are in fact there = Bad Mom

• Because of a schedule that is completely unmanageable, I have yet to have one meaningful conversation with their Dad all week long = Bad Mom

• My baby reminds me that he loves me to the “moon and back” as I tuck him into bed= Good Mom

Whether it is my own perfectionist standards that I am failing to meet or that annoying little Proverbs 31 woman that seems to be reminding me over and over how short I am falling, I don’t know but I do know that this particular season we are in is teaching me to slow down or else. Sometimes saying “no” to one thing means being able to say “yes” to something else that matters most (which usually mean my precious family). Proverbs 31:28 says, “Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:” I learned this weekend at DIVA day, that the word for blessed in that verse means is “Asher” and means “happy”. If you asked my children or husband to describe me in the last few days, I am pretty sure “happy” would not be on the list. But when they are grown up and look back on their childhood and the woman that raised them, I hope that they would describe me as “happy.” Not tired, not worried, not stressed, not organized, not clean, not really busy…. Just happy. I want them to be able to say “my mom was really really happy”. Cuz we all know, “if Momma aint happy, aint no one happy”

my dirty flip flop feet

2008-08-30T12:56:00.000-07:00

I hate getting dirty! And having dirty feet drives me insane! As much as I love flip flops and camp, the two do not go together well. But I think lately God has been calling me to get dirty in Jesus’ name. And today He confirmed that call to dirty feet. I was at a women’s bible study this morning and a lady came in late… I really don’t know how to describe her other than to say that she wasn’t the typical “church lady”. It was easy to tell that she had experienced a tough life and in need of some help. She apologized for being late and then explained she had to walk over a mile to get to church and just underestimated how long it would take. She shared how she was out of work, out of money, and just trying to get by. As I sat there, I wondered if the shoe was on the other foot, would I be willing to walk over a mile in the brutal Oklahoma summer heat for a ladies bible study? Sadly I don’t think I would. As she was leaving, I chased her down to give her my number so that next time, I could give her a ride. In my efforts to catch her before she left, I ran through a mud puddle in the parking lot. I am proud to say my pretty pink flip flops are now a bit brown and dirty. But I also made a new friend who will be coming with me to church tomorrow morning!

Somehow over the years, I have molded our awesome God into a more comfortable god. Living in obedience for Him is not supposed to be comfortable at all. It is going to require me to get out of my comfort zone and break a sweat moving mountains. I am going to have to be willing to get dirty and befriend people who are a lot different than I am. We should all be able to say confidently that we are willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to reach the lost and hurting people in our world. Our God has a sense of humor and so lately He has been calling me to get my flip flop wearing feet dirty.

It reminds me of the story in Mark 2:1-12, in which four friends were so desperate to introduce their friend to Jesus that they broke through a roof and lowered him down into the room that Jesus was preaching. I once heard this story taught and the teacher said that the roofs in that time were made with manure. So these friends were sooo determined to help bring their friend to Jesus that they were willing to literally go through some crap to bring him there. They were WAY more dirty than I am comfortable getting. When we were cleaning apartments on our mission trip in Nashville, I remember cleaning one bathroom and looking down at my shoes and realizing that I was standing in S*** or fecal matter. Jake and his crew experienced something similar in their apartment when the tenant they were serving told them that he had been sick and unable to ambulate to the restroom so they had to clean the “buckets” to he had been using to dispose of his waste. But as much as I hate being dirty, I have come to realize that it’s totally worth it (and usually temporary because God made us all washable)! God has been opening my eyes to so many opportunities to serve Him and even though these things might require me to move out of my comfort zone and get a bit dirty, I have never felt more clean and pure!

Give Me Your Eyes~ Brandon Heath
Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black tile
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?
Chorus:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Wasn’t it far beyond my reach?
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
again

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what’s underneath
There’s a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
To ashamed to tell his wife
He’s out of work
He’s buying time
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?
Chorus
I’ve Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all alone