There are no words for that...

English always has been my favorite subject. I love to read and I love to write…. Basically I just love written words. But there are some things and some circumstances in life, where there just are no words to describe. Looking back at some of my journaling from the week we spent in Haiti, there seems to one phrase written over and over, “there are no words for that.” So as I try to somehow describe what we saw and experienced in Haiti, please remember the reoccurring phrase / theme throughout my journal was “THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR THAT!”

Coming back this time, it was the first time I returned to Haiti since adopting Jimso. Before any group goes there, they are warned not to give hand outs to beggars you encounter on the streets because you will not ever have enough and if you do you might be swarmed by needy people. On my first trip, one of the most difficult things to do was to say “no” to the beggars we encountered. But this trip saying “no” had a new and unexpected dimension to it. We were barely off the plane and had just found our seats on the bus that would take us to the orphanage, when I was approached by a little boy who stood outside my window asking for food and clutching his stomach. I tried not to look directly at him because I knew I had been told not to give anyone anything but for one brief second our eyes met and it took my breathe away because it was as if I was looking into the eyes of MY OWN SON whom I had left at home just several hours earlier. It was haunting to looking into the eyes of a little boy so similar in so many ways to my own son. It was gut wrenching to shake my head no and look away. My thoughts then went to the “What if’s” of Jimso’s life. What if God had not brought Jimso into our lives, what if he had not brought him to GVCM, what if he was still living on the streets alone? The “what if’s” have a way of consuming your thoughts if you let them.

There are no words to describe how much I love the people of Haiti. They are just completely beautiful to me. I have read in the book of Ruth where she proclaims to her mother in law Naomi, “Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. YOUR PEOPLE WILL BE MY PEOPLE and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me." I do not understand the how’s or why’s of it… but I know that I feel a divine connection and love for the people of Haiti. Maybe it has something to do with the adoption but I know God has placed a devotion in my heart to this nation and its people that will connect my heart with theirs forever.

Although we had many work “projects” throughout the week, the time we spent with the precious 57 orphans is what made the trip worth all the hard work it took to get us there. You see… We’re all born with a Love Bank that resides with our hearts. Our life experiences and everyday contact with others will either make deposits into our account or withdrawals from our heart. Throughout our childhood, most of us have the privilege of having loving parents and caring families who are continuously making deposits into the love bank that resides with our hearts. But the precious children we spent the week with had not been given some of that opportunity and if you could look inside their hearts, you would a love bank account that had been negative and in the red for years (work with me here, remember “there are no words”). These children were desperate for love and attention. Throughout the week, we learned to pick our seats wisely because within seconds of sitting down, we would find ourselves with at least 4 or 5 children planted in our laps just wanting to cuddle. In fact, they would even push and fight their way to find a coveted spot on your lap. My lap, although big, could not accommodate all the children reaching their arms up for me to hold them. There was no such thing as personal space or alone time, and I loved every minute of it (even as the introvert I am)! The first few days, the communication and language barrier was felt. But the more time we spent there, the more that barrier disappeared until I didn’t even notice the fact we spoke different languages. English wasn’t spoken in our play, Creole wasn’t spoken either. Love was spoken.

Another highlight of our week for me was spending time with Jimso’s biological brother Jedone’. For those who do not know, Jedone’ is Jimso’s 12 year brother. If only we had known about him before we adopted Jimso, he might be living with us now. But having the opportunity to spend the week with him was priceless. He is such a beautiful boy, with lighter skin and eyelashes so long that curl up. He looks a lot like Jimso… but they are polar opposites in their personalities. Jedone’ is shy and soft spoken and extremely sweet. He is the leader of the pack with the older boys and is such an amazing helper. I watched to parent some of the younger boys all week and wondered if he did that with Jimso when they were together. He loved the pictures I brought of Jimso. He proudly wore a button of Jimso’s soccer picture all week. And wanted to show all his friends the pictures of his "petite fray" (little brother). We also had the privilege of meeting with Jimso’s biological mother one morning. I tired to express our gratitude and what a blessing Jimso is to our family but once again “there are no words for that” and I felt completely inadequate. Haitian women are not emotional so I tried with every fiber in my being not to overwhelm her with emotion. She expressed how pleased she was with adoption and absolutely loved looking at the photo album we brought her. We brought her some gifts but honestly nothing we gave her would have felt adequate. She said she knew God had a plan for Jimso’s life and GVCM taking him in when she could not care for him, and us adopting him was all part of that plan. I can not wait until Jimso is old enough is accompany us on a mission trip there. I want so badly for him to feel connected to his culture and for him to understand where he came from and for him to share our love for these precious people.

In my lifetime, I have celebrated 30 Thanksgivings, but none of them will ever be as memorable as the one I spent in Haiti. For the life of me, I can not even remember what I did last thanksgiving but I will NEVER forget what I did 11/28/08. We treated 97 gravely ill people in an impromptu medical clinic. People who were willing to wait all day to be seen by us. Some of them had never been seen by a medical professional in their entire life. My thoughts and prayers are still consumed by them but especially by a few in particular… the women who had a terrible infection resulting from an abortion she had a few days earlier; the young mom who was so septic she could hardly walk, let alone care for her baby; an elderly man with heart disease and blood pressure so critically high he could have had a stroke at any moment; the two young children with malaria; the young man withering away from what seemed to be AIDS; patients who had critically high fevers like 104 or 105 yet continued to work all day as if they were fine; a young mother who was so blind she could not see the medication syringe well enough to administer the necessary antibiotic it to her young children that we had to teach the 4 year old daughter how to give it to herself and her younger siblings. There are no words to describe those kinds of health care needs. And once again, I felt inadequate. Most of what we saw was all so preventable and treatable yet it could be fatal in circumstances like these. I can’t wrap my mind around it. Nor can I look into their faces and pretend anything about their circumstances is just, fair, or right. I hate the starling fact that in our world, your place of birth drastically determines your quality of life (it determines your access to health care, access to education, access to clean water, ability to feed yourself and your family). We ended our Thanksgiving with homemade pizza for dinner with the orphans. They weren’t sure what to think of it but in the end, I think they liked it and it was the most memorable Thanksgiving of my life.

The day after Thanksgiving is usually a day full of shopping for me and millions of other Americans but instead we got to meet our friend Bob (the 8 year old boy we sponsor through Compassion International). He has incredibly sweet and meeting him face to face and seeing the difference just $30 a month can make was incredible! I am completely amazed at that organization’s kingdom work! Seeing this kind of extreme poverty everyday… it would be so easy to just get overwhelmed by the vast needs that exist, yet they are truly making a global difference.

The day we left the orphanage was the hardest day of the entire week. OShellie cried as she said goodbye to Chelsey… which opened a floodgate of tears for us all. And as we tried to say good-bye, express to them our love, and promise them that this goodbye was not forever… the language and communication barrier seemed to reemerge.

Adjusting to life at home has been difficult. Once again, I left a huge hunk of my heart in Haiti and trying to adjust to life without that part of my heart has been hard. This week I found some little friends, named scabies, have taken up residency under my skin. Someone asked me “Now that you got scabies, do you regret cuddling so much with those orphans?” To which I honestly replied “No way… I regret not cuddling more. I wish I would have taken shorter showers, spent less time eating, and made more time for what mattered most... loving on those little kids.” My lap is empty, my heat is hurting, but there are no words to describe how much that week meant to me!”


“Once our eyes are opened, we can not pretend we don’t know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know and holds us responsible to act!”

Haiti Mission Trip Highlight Video

Its so hard to put 5 hours of video footage and over 1000 pictures into one song length but I think Jake did AWESOME job! It's also very hard to describe with words all we experienced but this is a taste of it!

Grown Up Christmas List

Jimso came home from school Friday and told me that he had written a list to Santa at school. He told me that he asked him for a guitar and a microphone and a video camera so that he and Ashlyn could make a Jonas Brothers music video. Then he said Santa would be delivering the gifts on “Thanksgiving” morning (this is only his second Christmas celebration in his 7 years of life so he is still a bit confused on the details and how this whole “present day” works).

Listening to Christmas music is one of my favorite’s things to do (I started in October). One of my favorite Christmas songs is “Grown Up Christmas List” (I know old and cheesy but the cheesier the better when it comes to Christmas music). Here are the lyrics…..

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies
Well, I'm all grown-up now
Can you still help somehow?
I'm not a child, but my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself, but for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
Maybe only in that blind belief can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end

This is my grown-up Christmas list
This is my only lifelong wish
This is my grown-up Christmas list

Coming back and transitioning to American life after visiting a third world country is difficult. You look at some of the “stupid” ways we spend money in our consumer driven society and endless pursuit to desire more “stuff”… and you can’t help but think of the faces of poverty and how much wiser it would be to invest in causes other than our own. Coming back from Haiti at the peak of Christmas advertizing has in some ways haunted me. Advertising (and even our own delusions) has seemed to reclassify luxuries as necessities. The other day I was watching a Disney show with my kids and all the commercials seemed to send the same message… material possessions will bring joy and fulfillment. These commercial seem to scream that these products would somehow satisfy our deepest needs and inner longings for love, acceptance, security, and fulfillment.

I had the privilege of spending Thanksgiving week in the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere last week… and I honestly say that those people are some of the most contented and most fulfilled people I have ever met. They have nothing in the way of material possessions yet they have more faith and more joy in their little pinky than some of us have in our entire beings. I desperately want to be like them… I want to look to people and the Lord alone for my sense of security, love, and acceptance. I want to be like them and like the apostle Paul when he said in Philippians 4, “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” If tomorrow I woke up and EVERYTHING was gone (my house, my possessions, my health, my family), I would want to be able to say that my God is enough and He is all I need. One of my favorite worship songs says “Rich or poor, God I want you more than anything that glitters in this world. Be my all, all consuming fire. You can have all my hands can hold….”

I have been leading a small group through a curriculum called “Hope Lives” and it looks at poverty and what the bible says about the poor and marginalized. This morning, I asked my Sunday school students, in light of all we have studied, to come up with a grown up Christmas list. Here is my list:

1.Every orphaned child would have someone to tuck them into bed each night and tell them “I love you!” (every 14 seconds a child is orphaned by AIDS, if 7% of people who claim Christianity would adopt one orphan per family then there would be no orphaned children globally)

2.That this present generation would be the ones to stand up and say “Your place (country) of birth will NOT determine your quality of life in regards to your access to education, health care, food/water, shelter, and other basic human needs and RIGHTS.

3.That every person would have access to clean water (currently 1/6 of the worlds population does not, 1.1 BILLION people)

4.That we would be passionate and persistent about eliminating global health crisis’ like the HIV/AIDS epidemic, malaria, tuberculosis, etc. (malaria kills 1 million children per year, most of them under the age of five, 2.3 million children are living with HIV and only 10% of them are being treated, one child dies every 5 seconds due to hunger related causes)

5.Children and other victims of abuse would find their voice and we would not tolerate those who intentionally inflict pain upon children. (300 millions children are subject to physical, emotional, and sexual abuse every year, 1.2 million children are trafficked every year for sexual purposes)

6.As Christians, we would embrace our calling to be the church that God dreams we could be. We would be more like the first church and like that described in Acts 4 “All the believers were united in heart and mind. And they felt that what they owned was not their own, so they shared everything they had.”

7.Everyone on this planet would grasp the fact that love ALWAYS trumps hate, good always beat evil (at least in the end) and that we would birth extremists of love not hate!

This list is far from complete…. But they (my small group)had even better things on their lists .So what is on YOUR “grown up Christmas list????”

WWSD- what would Sam do?!

Last night I was talking to my sister from Seattle on the phone (if you can even call it talking since somehow we have both lost our voices at the same time with respiratory infections). She was telling a sweet story about my five year nephew Sam. Every time he has piano lessons, the teacher gives him two gummy bears at the end of his lesson. Over the last several weeks, sweet Sam eats one and then gives his little brother Ben the other one.

My sister watched him do this for several weeks before telling him “Sammy, I’ve noticed that you share your extra gummy bear with Ben and I think that is really sweet that you share without anyone even asking you to.”

To which Sam replied VERY seriously “Mom, sometimes it feels good to eat BOTH gummy bears myself!! But when I share with Ben it feels good too and that good feeling lasts even longer because Ben really loves gummy bears and I see that it makes him so happy.”

I wish we all could adopt Sam’s attitude of giving. I wish that when we see other people’s needs before us, we would soften our hearts and ask ourselves, “What would Sammy do?” I have heard it said, “The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them away!” To someone who has never experienced the joy of giving away something you really treasure that statement sounds ridiculous and just plain stupid. But for people like Sam who know what it feels like to give away something you really treasure, it is a feeling far greater than whatever limited and fleeting happiness is associated with that treasure we are holding onto.

Kurt preached on Sunday about the parable with the talents… Matthew 15:14-28 says, “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money. After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.' His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.' His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.' His master replied, 'you wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest. 'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

I can imagine if I am dealing out talents, I am going to trust people with hearts like Sam to receive the most because he has proven himself to be giving. God also reminds us in Luke 12:48, “Much is required from those to whom much is given” (NLT).

At Sam’s last piano lesson, his little brother Ben did not come to pick him. My sister secretly watched to see what Sam would do when given the opportunity to indulge in the extra treat for himself without anyone really knowing…. But Sam simply stuck the extra gummy in his pocket and then made a b line for Ben when he got home so he could deliver the yummy treat to its rightful owner. Every though Ben did nothing to earn that treat (he doesn’t spend the time learning the piano and practicing); Sam was sure to give to him. That’s giving and that’s grace and that’s what we need more in our lives!

collecting shells or souls? BON VOYAGE

The first time we went to Haiti back in 2005, I didn’t know if we would EVER recover from all the things God revealed to us during that trip. Our comfortable life was turned upside down by everything we saw and experienced there. Thankfully, we never did “get over” it… God changed our entire life goals from that point on. After we saw what we saw with our own eyes, we were morally obligated to change and “recovery” was not an option. Princess Diana had it right when she said: “You can’t comfort the afflicted without afflicting the comfortable.” God changed our comfortable life forever during first precious those days we spent in Haiti. We realized that proof of our love for Christ was not best reflected in merely going to church, singing praise songs, going to bible study and prayer meetings, or teaching a Sunday school class (although those things are important), but in genuinely loving and serving the sick, the poor, the weak, and the marginalized. I used to be able to ignore those statistics of extreme poverty but once the numbers have faces and stories associated with them… it haunts you. You begin to value what God values, to love those in this world we have been conditioned to ignore, and to see with His eyes.

Jake teases me with the truth that our “retirement” plan has drastically changed since that week… no more traveling in a RV to visit the grandkids… no, we will probably spend our golden years surrounded by Haitian orphans and singing hymns with the accordion playing in the background. John Piper is also to blame for ruining my retirement… In his book “Don’t waste your life”, he tells these stories….

“Three weeks ago we got word at our church that Ruby Eliason and Laura Edwards had both been killed in Cameroon. Ruby was over 80. Single all her life, she poured it out for one great thing: To make Jesus Christ known among the unreached, the poor, and the sick. Laura was a widow, a medical doctor, pushing 80 years old, and serving at Ruby’s side in Cameroon. The brakes failed, the car went over the cliff, and they were both killed instantly. And I asked my people: was that a tragedy? Two lives, driven by one great vision, spent in unheralded service to the perishing poor for the glory of Jesus Christ—two decades after almost all their American counterparts have retired to throw their lives away on trifles in Florida or New Mexico. No. That is not a tragedy. That is a glory.”

“I tell you what a tragedy is. I’ll read to you from Reader’s Digest (Feb. 2000, p. 98) what a tragedy is: “Bob and Penny… took early retirement from their jobs in the Northeast five years ago when he was 59 and she was 51. Now they live in Punta Gorda, Florida, where they cruise on their 30 foot trawler, play softball and collect shells.” The American Dream: come to the end of your life - your one and only life - and let the last great work before you give an account to your Creator, be “I collected shells. See my shells.” THAT is a tragedy. And people today are spending billions of dollars to persuade you to embrace that tragic dream. And I plead with you: don’t buy it.”

If I have a choice between the two stories above, I choose the first scenario. I want to go out like that... unashamedly loving people and eternally changing God’s kingdom rather than living a comfortable life for my own kingdom. When I stand before I want to hear Him say “well done!” and if all I have to offer is a handful of collected sea shells, I may “get in” but what a waste?! I want to spend my life gathering souls not shells!

But lately I have heard a familiar friend named “fear” whisper doubts and suddenly I find myself wanting to revert back to the wimp I used to be. But God is an amazing mathematician…. There are 365 promises in Scripture that begin with the words “FEAR NOT”!!! Umm coincidence? I don’t think so! One for every day of year that I feel tempted to stay in my comfortable SAFE SHELL of a life. God has showed me over and over again that the safest place in the world is the center of His perfect will for me! And because the risen Lord lives inside of me, He goes with (and usually before me) wherever I go. When I enter a scary and dark place, I bring the light of the world with me. I bring the God of the universe! In and of my little wimpy self, I do not have much to offer. My piece of the puzzle for changing the world is very small but put together with all of the pieces of the body and God will change this world one person at a time. God has entrusted one piece of the puzzle to me, and all he asks is that I am faithful to work on that one part.

We leave for Haiti in less than a week. Jake and I have been as excited as kids on Christmas Eve the last few days. Watching God’s faithfulness unfold before your eyes is exciting stuff!!! He has done more than we could have imagined or hoped for already and we haven’t even left yet! One of the hymns we learned in Creole on our first trip talked about going on a journey home one day and the words “Bon Voyage” were repeated over and over. Please keep us in your prayers the next few weeks and BON VOYAGE!!!

PS~ I need to really need to be focused in prayer and my facebook fetish is one my biggest distractions… so I will not be getting back for a while until we get back December 1st Happy thanksgiving!!!

UNITED STATES... the morning after

Yesterday was either a difficult and disappointing day or a day of great hope for you depending on what side of the fence you are on (or well defined party line we have created). But the good news, according to one pastor I respect, is… God is on His throne and the political commercials are off the air and the annoying robo- calls have seized!!

Personally my first voting experience in Oklahoma was a bit frustrating. There are two different precincts voting at the same location. So I asked an election official which of the lines was for my precinct, he told me that both precinct where in the same line. After standing in a line for 45 minutes, the same man comes by informing people that the line I was in was for precinct 432 only (not mine). Two hours later, I cast my vote and felt proud because I had done my civic duty and relieved because some people in the other line (my original line had been waiting almost 4 hours) I made it out in time to pick Drew for his doctor appointment and much to my disappoint and frustration, their was a precinct at his school (two blocks away) with no lines at all. Go figure! I was a little frustrated and kind feeling sorry for myself and the other people who had the misfortune of being in a large precinct when I was reminded of something I had seen on the news a few days earlier…. In one South African election people waited for 2 DAYS to vote. I am so thankful that our vote wait time can be measured in minutes or hours, not days! I had also heard about people waiting for hours in the rain earlier in the morning, only to fill out ballots that were too soggy to read. Suddenly my little in convenient wait in the warm sunshine where I could vote without fear of repercussions wasn’t such a downer. Our voting system may be flawed but it as close to perfect as possible (kinda reminds me the words “in order to form a more perfect union”)

After months of a very heated and emotional campaign/ election season, I needed some comic relief as we watched the results start coming in. And as much as I love my kiddos, they still have a lot to learn about politics and geography so through some conversations with them; we had some good belly laughs….

One of my little darling (as if) asked “Mom, if they announce Barack wins tonight… does that mean Bush has to pack up his things and leave the white house as soon as they announce it?”

Another one asked, “Do you think Barack will run a victory lap holding up a #1 finger around the White House if he wins?” I replied, “No he’s not even in DC, he’s in Chicago.” To which they then asked, “Oh then do you think he will run a victory lap around the Eiffel tower?”

Jimso came home from school just beaming and proud because he got to vote in a mock election … I asked him if he voted for McCain or Obama and he looked puzzled and said “Neither, I voted for the donkey! And he won!”

Even in the midst of silly and humorous conversations last night, I was really excited to talk to Jimso about what this election could mean for him. While race did not influence my vote personally...regardless of how you feel about Obama, I think we should be so proud of this election’s significance and the history was made for our nation. I can confidently tell my beautiful black son that he can be ANYTHING he wants to be when he grows up. And nothing or no one can limit what he can accomplish!! Regardless of how you voted, our entire nation can celebrate the milestone of our first African-American president. We can all embrace this profound opportunity for deeper racial reconciliation and social justice.

I naively woke up this morning thinking the election is done and all the ugly emails of hate and fear would have seized… but sadly I opened one of the ugliest ones yet!! So if you claim the name of Christ, I am personally asking you to quit smearing our reputation in the mud by sending and forwarding messages that do not honor God. Jim Wallis has said, “As Christ followers, it’s more about how we live on November 3 and 5 than how we vote on November4!” As Christians, we ALL have dual citizenship. We belong to God’s kingdom first and foremost! I pray our hearts can be steadfast set on furthering His kingdom, not our own. We can not USE Jesus for our own personal causes or agenda or kingdom. Jesus is not a republican nor democrat nor an American. We might join His side but he does not join ours.

God is in control!!! He reigns! No one comes into power or leadership without God putting them in that position. "Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which GOD has established. The authorities that exist have been established by GOD." ~ Romans 13:1

Regardless of whom you voted for, it’s times we put our differences aside and PRAY for the leader that God has established. 1 Timothy 2:1-4 says “I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.”

If your candidate lost, “suck it up buttercup”, and be obedient to what God has called you to do now. If your candidate won, don’t gloat, but recognize what our nation needs most right now is to once again become the UNITED states… not the red states and the blue states.

I personally tucked my children into bed last night with renewed hope. I know that my God is in control and we are so blessed! While my personal hope is ultimately in God, I also have high hopes for what this administration will do for our nation (with our prayers supporting them every step of the way).

SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE...

Spiritual wisdom from OutKast~ Shake it Like a Polaroid Picture…

I have heard it said that as Christians we should always be attempting to do things that are so big that they are sure to fail without God. That if we attempt to only do things that we are capable of accomplishing in and of ourselves (without God’s mighty hand) then we are not doing BIG enough things for God. So lately I have been trying to dream big and set those goals high but it’s so hard. I am a typical type A personality kind of person. I want guaranteed results and want to map out every step along the way from point A to point B before I even step out in faith. But God is showing me over and over that is not how He works.

When God placed a burden on our hearts to return to Haiti, I was excited but really unsure how He was going to work out the logistics of everything. It was like a Polaroid picture… I knew God had a plan but the final picture was really unclear and blurry yet. After praying about it, we felt called to go and Drew (our oldest son) was really on board about coming with us this time. Financially the timing could not have been worse. I remember sitting in our first team meeting, discussing cost, and thinking “what in the world are we doing?! How can we presume to lead a group of individuals to a third world country when we do not even have the money to pay for our own passports at this point?”

Somehow I am still surprised at how surprised I get over God’s faithfulness (does that make sense?) You would think by now, after He has proven Himself faithful in my life over and over again, that I would expect nothing but faithfulness… yet the closer we get to having our trip fully funded the more surprised and amazed I am. And it’s not just financially… yesterday our team had a spaghetti fund raiser lunch at the church. At one point in the afternoon, I looked around at everyone working together as a well oiled machine, and thought “God this amazing! This team you have put together works so well together already! Our personalities jive and I just love and have so much fun with these people!” I can honestly say that there are no other 13 people I would rather by serving with… and I just know God has put together this group to do AMAZING things for Him in a few short weeks.

But it all starts with a willingness to put no limits on what God can do in our lives!!! And a willingness to cast aside our own fears and little quirks in order to gasp a hold of what God has for us to do. Jesus’ life on earth began with one young woman who was willing to say “I am the Lord’s servant and am willing to accept whatever he wants!” ~ Luke 1:38.

Less than three weeks away from our trip, that Polaroid picture is starting to become clearer and IT’S BEAUTIFUL! Figuring out how the picture ends up and knowing all the details along the way, isn’t my part. My part is just following Him wherever He leads. We are still a bit unsure of what kind work will be doing (either hurricane relief/ rebuilding or orphan care) so there are still some blurred lines but I know that our main goal in whatever work we end up doing will be to make an invisible God visible to a country that may not recognize Him yet. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity (while we are Haiti and really everyday) to make the invisible God visible through me!